Where the Apple Falls
by tvnerdgirl
Summary: A brutal demonic killing causes Buffy to head to L.A. to stop a demon. There, she gets more than she bargained for when Dawn follows her and becomes enamoured with Angel's son Connor. A larger plot unfolds, threatening everything Buffy has ever wanted.
1. Brutal Beginnings

Author's Note: This story is set before the beginning of season seven of the Buffyverse, during the summer and the beginning of season four in the Angelverse. There are some minor changes however, just to make the story less complicated than it already is ;) Mainly that, The First Evil has not yet made it's presence known to Buffy, although she has been training Dawn and she has gotten over the whole "poor me" attitude of season six. On Angel, Cordelia has returned from being a Higher being, but she is not evil, and she has not lost her memory or anything. In my crazy world, she just came back. Period. She remembered everything about being a higher power and "The Beast" has not yet appeared at all. Cordelia never slept with Connor, but nor are she and Angel "together" although at the moment they are contemplating feelings for one another Wesley is still basically excluded from the group. That's pretty much it. I wanted to suspend the Angel plot as much as possible in order for Buffy's introduction to his world to make any sense whatsoever. Connor did stick Angel at the bottom of the Ocean and Angel did still kick him out, and at the moment father and son are not on the best of terms. That's about the it.

Disclaimer: These characters are mine, only in my dreams. In real life however they belong to the evil mastermind otherwise known as Joss Whedon.

"If you pace back and forth anymore, you're going to need to buy a new carpet pretty soon. It can only take so much y'know."

Dawn Summers' voice was calm and gentle, but her eyes were serious. Her sister Buffy glanced over, her own eyes still red and her cheeks wet with fresh tears.

"I'm sorry, it's just...you didn't seem them Dawn. You didn't see them."

"That doesn't mean I don't care Buffy," Dawn stated. She rose from her place on the couch and firmly led her sister over to it until they were both sitting down. "What happened to that daycare center....those children, was tragic. But you're the slayer. You will find this thing and you will defeat it. That's all you can do. You don't have the power to bring anyone back."

"I know Dawn. I just hate waiting. I want to get this thing now. I feel like I should be patrolling, you know?"

"In this state you couldn't beat me up." Dawn told her sister with a light smile. "Besides, from what Willow says it's probably no longer in Sunnydale. This thing likes to....eat his victims and then skip town. Until Willow can manage to track it down, there's nothing more we or you can do."

"When did you turn into mom?" Buffy asked, a half smile forming on her lips. Dawn leaned over and hugged her.

"Just returning the favour Buffy." She replied warmly. Buffy was about to suggest they make themselves something to eat, when the phone rang, startling them both. Buffy was the first to stand up.

"That could be Willow," she said as she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Buffy? I found it." Willow's voice came over the phone. "Xander and I are on our way over." There was a click, followed by a dial tone. She turned to Dawn, grim-faced as she spoke.

"Willow's on her way."


	2. Plan of Action

"According to my calculations, it should be halfway to L.A. by now." Willow's finger traced the line she had drawn on the map. "It's called a Brillcrall demon, and they are very deadly. They mostly prefer to...murder children. As for weaknesses or ways to kill it....so far, I haven't found any."

"I'm going to L.A." Buffy declared, standing up and heading for the staircase. Willow looked to Xander and Anya who also sat there with worried eyes.

"Buffy you can't!" She protested. Buffy turned back.

"And why not? It's heading to L.A. Will! It's a huge city! I can't let it do any more damage."

"We don't even know how to kill it yet. From everything I've read...."

"I'll find a way when I get there." She interrupted. "I can't let that thing have the chance to kill anymore innocents."

"Buffy this is crazy! You're not thinking." Xander insisted.

"We need to know more." Willow agreed.

"So....what? We just sit around here while this thing preys on more little kids? Twelve children died Willow! I'm the slayer. I can't allow it to happen again."

"Why don't we call Angel?" Dawn suggested. All heads turned to her. "I mean....we could tell him about the Brillcrall demon and he could make sure it doesn't strike again until we know more."

"I like that plan. It's less suicidal than Buffy's." Anya agreed. Buffy shook her head.

"No way. I'm not calling Angel."

"Why not?" Willow asked.

"I'm not going to ask him to risk his life fighting a demon that I'm responsible for. Sunnydale is my town. This thing is my demon and I let it escape. I won't add to Angel's responsibilities in L.A. by asking him to take on this thing...not when we don't know how to kill it." She sighed heavily. "Look guys I understand where you're coming from. But I have to go. I have to take this thing out. It's my job and you know it."

"I'm coming with you." Dawn declared.

"Absolutely not." Buffy countered.

"Dawnie, you can't be serious..." Willow added.

"I'm dead serious. I'm your sister Buffy. If you're going to fight this thing then I am going to be there when you do. I can't sit around here."

"You don't have a choice Dawn." Buffy said firmly. She turned to face the group of eyes that sat, staring at her. "You're not coming....none of you are."

"OK, now I know you're crazy!" Xander exclaimed. "You can't just take off to L.A. to fight a demon you don't know how to kill without backup! It kicked your ass when you fought it before...or have you forgotten?"

"I haven't, believe me." Buffy replied. "What are you going to do Xander? Shut down your construction crew to come with me? Huh? I don't know where it's going to be, and if it leaves L.A. I'm going to follow it wherever it goes until I kill it. I don't know how long I'll even be gone. I can't ask any of you to pack up your lives just to follow me around after a demon!"

"But that's what we do Buffy," Willow insisted. "It's what we've always done. Why does it have to be any different now?"

"Look I appreciate all of you wanting to help, I really do, but I'm going alone and that's that. I'll take my cell phone and if you can find a way to kill this thing call me on that OK? I will be fine....we've fought way worse if you guys can remember."

"Yes Buffy, I remember that we've fought way worse." Willow stressed her words carefully, but Buffy chose to ignore the distinction.

"I'll leave tomorrow and call you from whatever hotel I end up at when I get there." She stood up and headed towards the staircase, intending to go to bed.

"Buffy..." Dawn called out, when she got to the top. Her sister turned. "You're really not going to ask for Angel's help?"

"No, Dawn." Buffy replied with a grim smile. "I'm really not."


	3. Dawn decides

Dawn watched the bus Buffy was on pull away from the Sunnydale bus terminal with a heavy heart. It was no secret she was worried about Buffy. She suspected that her sister was merely using this demon's rampage as a way of getting out of Sunnydale for a while. Heaven knows Angel and his team would most likely be able to handle it. Just because they didn't know how to kill it, didn't mean a way didn't exist. It was unlike Buffy to just take off and not even consider accepting the help offered to her by her friends.

"Dawn? Are you coming? We're going back to the house...maybe order a pizza?" Willow's voice cut into her thoughts and Dawn nodded absently.

"Yea, you guys go ahead, I'll be out in a minute. I have to use the bathroom." Even as she spoke, her mind was made up. It had been made up that morning, when she woke up and checked her savings account to see if she had enough money for a ticket to L.A.

She waited until Willow, Xander and Anya left the terminal, before going up to the counter and smiling at the receptionist.

"Do you have a bus heading to L.A. later on at night?" She inquired. The receptionist checked her computer and nodded back at her.

"We have a coach that leaves every three hours. What time would you like to catch it?"

"Is there one that leaves at midnight then?" Dawn asked. The lady nodded and keyed it in. "I'll take that one."

Dawn paid the woman and put the ticket in her pocket before heading outside. The others were waiting for her in the car. She just wanted to get back to the house so she could go to her room and pack. There was no way she was going to leave her sister in L.A. to face this thing alone.


	4. Friends in unlikely places

Dawn found the actual sneaking out part to be fairly easy...easier than she had originally anticipated. It would have been next to impossible if Buffy had been around and Dawn was grateful for that particular reprieve. As it was, Willow slept like a log and Xander and Anya had both gone home to their respective apartments.

She caught the cab that was waiting for her around the corner and arrived at the bus station just in time. Once she was on the bus, she was able to heave a sigh of relief. The ride itself went fairly smoothly. They lived within fairly close proximity to Los Angeles and it was about one thirty to two in the morning by the time the bus reached its destination.

Dawn was nervous as she stepped off the bus and into the L.A. bus station. It was definitely a different world here than it was in Sunnydale and for the first time since Dawn had hatched the plan, she was unsure of her next move. What if she couldn't find Buffy? What if Willow didn't answer the phone when she called? Where would she stay for the night?

Heading to the pay phone, she proceeded to call home. Her worst fears were indeed confirmed when the phone continued to ring and ring until the answering machine clicked in and Buffy's voice could be heard saying they weren't home and asking the caller to leave a message.

"Willow?" She said into the machine, feeling like a complete dork as she did so. She hated talking to answering machines, as did most people. "Don't be mad at me...I'm in L.A. I wanted to help Buffy. The only problem is...I don't know where she is. Did she call you with the hotel she was at? If so, I need you to call me and tell me where it is. I have my cell phone. Please call me as soon as you get this Will...it's really dark here. Bye."

Hanging up the phone, she checked her pockets to see how much money she had. It wasn't enough for a room for the night by a long shot.

"What am I going to do?" She whispered to herself. She had to find Buffy. But where could she look? She didn't know the city and Buffy could be anywhere. She would be patrolling, that much was certain...but where? Daycares. The monster liked to attack children.

Going on her only possible lead, Dawn proceeded to look up every possible daycare center in the phone book that was attached to the payphone. She would search every single one if necessary. It was doubtful that the demon would attack an empty daycare center, given that the place was closed at two in the morning, but it was the only lead she had. Sighing, she hailed a cab and gave the cabbie the address of the first daycare.

She searched for Buffy for an hour and half before she began to panic. Daylight would be here soon and she hadn't had any luck in her search, nor heard a thing from Willow.

Cutting through a nearby ally, she headed towards an all night donut shop she could see in the distance. She hadn't realized it, but she was suddenly incredibly hungry. As soon as she got into the ally way however, she felt a shadow behind her and knew immediately it wasn't human. Turning, she faced the vampire with a false bravado that would have impressed even the fiercest of creatures.

"Leave me alone." She said sternly, using her best 'Buffy voice'. The demon only grinned maniacally.

"Why? You were the one that came in here little girl. You asked to be eaten. Only a fool would enter a dark ally way alone."

"And only a fool would assume that I am unable to protect myself." She retorted firmly. "You think you can take me? I dare you to try."

"With pleasure," the vampire replied as he advanced on her. She gulped in fear, silently cursing the fact that he had called her bluff. Buffy had trained her to fight, but she still wasn't sure that she was strong enough to defeat this creature all on her own and this time her sister wasn't around to bail her out right in the nick of time. I'm going to die right here in this ally! She thought sadly. I'm so sorry Buffy!

The demon lunged forward and Dawn reacted managing to grab the lapel of his jacket and throw him over her shoulder. She then followed through with the move as Buffy had taught her, by kicking the creature with all her might, pulling him to his feet and punching him in the face to disorientate him. In his confusion, she managed to knee him in the groin, avoid a punch to the face and knock the wind out of him with a blow to the stomach.

She was feeling fairly confident until he grabbed her by the arm, twisted her around and threw her to the ground. She recovered, and leapt to her feet, dodging a blow meant for the chest and returning the favour with a series of blows to the face and stomach.

The vampire retaliated by shoving her into a wall, and kicking her in the face as she turned to fight back. Blood began to ooze down the side of her face and she saw spots before her eyes as another blow managed to catch her in the stomach. Sinking to her knees, the vampire zeroed in for the kill. Dawn shut her eyes tightly anticipating her approaching death with fear and despair.

It didn't come. Instead, the vampire turned to dust before his fangs could pierce her flesh. Blinking in surprise, she looked up right into the eyes of her saviour.

He was young, only about her age...perhaps a bit older. He had shoulder length dark brown hair, a grim mouth and beautiful eyes. He was dressed in tattered clothing, but very handsome despite the rags. Dawn smiled as he helped her up.

"Are you OK?" His voice was stiff, as if he didn't know how to communicate with people yet. She nodded.

"Thanks a lot. I thought I was a goner for sure."

"You shouldn't be in an ally way at night. It's where they live." His voice was reproachful and Dawn bristled slightly at his tone.

"I'm not an idiot. And I know how to take care of myself." She replied haughtily. He smiled ever so slightly.

"I know. I saw you fighting him. You did pretty well."

Now she found herself smiling, as well as swelling with pride at his compliment.

"I had a good teacher." She told him. "What's your name?"

"Connor." The boy replied. "You?"

"Dawn Summers." She said. "Listen, how did you know how to do that? How do you even know about vampires?"

"I come from a very knowledgeable family." Was his cryptic reply. "Do you have somewhere to go?"

"Not really," she admitted, slightly embarrassed. "I came to L.A. looking for my sister. I haven't managed to find her yet."

"You'll stay with me then." Connor decided. He began to walk out of the ally way and Dawn had to hurry to catch up with him.

"Are you sure? I don't want to cause you any more trouble."

"You stay out here and you'll be vampire food in no time. You can stay with me while you look for your sister."

"Thanks a lot." She said, smiling as she matched his stride. She knew she should be wary. She didn't know anything about this guy after all. He could easily be a mass murderer, a serial rapist or both. Still, despite that she felt safe with him. It wasn't a feeling she could define and right now it didn't matter.

Connor stared at the girl beside him out of the corner of his eye, with extreme curiosity. He had never met anyone, outside of his father's little gang of evil fighters who was able to hold their own against a vampire, especially not one so young and small.

She was beautiful. Connor hadn't had much experience with women, but that much was clearly obvious. Normally, he wouldn't even have bothered to speak with her after saving her. He generally saved his victims, then disappeared. Their gratitude irked him. Somehow, after spending his entire life in Quartoth, he found people who were unable to defend themselves irritating. He might save them, but he never stopped to chat...until now.

Part of him acknowledged the fact that she wasn't like the others. Although he had indeed saved her from that particular vampire, Connor knew she wasn't helpless liked the others. She had thanked him, but it was a thanks out of sincere gratitude and not blubbering relief.

He wanted to know more about her. He wanted to learn all about her, and yet he couldn't think of a thing to say. He led her to his place in silence, wishing he had the verbal capabilities that everyone else who grew up in this dimension seemed to have. He grimaced as he motioned for her to the hovel he was now living in.


	5. Family Ties

Connor's place was not much to look at, but cozy enough for Dawn's purposes. It would certainly do until she found Buffy.

Connor watched Dawn survey the room and suddenly felt a bit embarrassed. She was probably from an actual house, not a hole in the wall.

"I know it isn't much..." he trailed off unsure of what to say after that. Dawn smiled.

"It's fine, really. Does anyone else live here?"

"Just me." He replied, attempting to sound nonchalant. Dawn stared at him, concern etched all over her face. He felt warm all over, just knowing she worried for him.

"What about your family? Where are they?"

"My mother's dead." Connor told her flatly. He looked away, anger coursing through him as his thoughts turned to his only other living relative. Dawn sensed it, but kept talking, despite her better judgment.

"And your father?"

"He might as well be," Connor replied, through clenched teeth. "He kicked me out."

"That's terrible!" Dawn exclaimed sympathetically. "Why?"

"We didn't see eye to eye." Was all Connor would say. Dawn had a feeling there was far more to it, but didn't press. An awkward silence followed, and Dawn searched desperately for a conversation topic.

"My father hasn't exactly been around much either." Dawn told him. She looked towards the ground as she spoke. "He and my mother got divorced and he just...left us. My sister, my mother...me."

"I wish my father would up and leave." Connor said, his voice laced with hatred. Dawn blanched.

"You really don't like your father, do you?"

Connor was about to answer her, when a loud ringing noise startled him, causing him to jump. Dawn reached into her pocket and pulled out the offending object.

"It's just my cell phone," she said to him as she took notice of the deer-in-headlights look on Connor's face. She sighed, and put it to her ear, anticipating Willow's anger. "Hello?"

"Where the hell are you?" Buffy's voice rang through the phone loud, clear and very very angry. "I just got a call from Willow and she said that you..."

"Are here in L.A." Dawn finished for her. "I bought the ticket without her knowing. Don't blame her, OK?"

"Believe me I'm not," Buffy replied furiously. "What were you thinking? I told you that you couldn't come on this hunt with me. This demon is too dangerous Dawn!"

"I didn't listen Buffy, and I'm not about to start now. You can't force me back onto a train or a bus, so like it or not you're stuck with me on this one." Dawn was firm in her speech, and she knew she had won the battle when she heard her sister sigh wearily on the other end.

"Where are you?"

"I don't know exactly, hang on a sec." Covering the phone, she turned to Connor. "Um, where exactly am I?"

"Is that your sister?" Connor wondered, his heart sinking slightly as he realized that if it were her sister the girl would be leaving soon. Dawn nodded and with a heavy heart, Connor told her where they were.

"I'm at the corner of Bank and Smith," she told her sister. "I'm in a loft above an abandoned variety store."

"Is someone there with you? Why on Earth are you in a loft?" Buffy didn't even give her time to answer her questions. "Never mind, I'm on my way. Stay put and DON'T go anywhere, whatever you do, you got that?"

"Don't worry, I'm safe." Dawn assured her. She said her good byes and put the phone back into her pocket. Connor was staring at her, his face a tad downcast.

"Your sister's on her way then?"

"Yea, she was pretty mad." Dawn admitted. "I sort of came here to L.A. without her permission."

"Why?" Connor wondered, "I mean why is she here? Why did you follow?"

"She's here to fight a demon she's been chasing." Dawn replied. "I'm here to help her weather she likes it or not."

"You fight demons." Connor stated. "That's how you knew how to defend yourself against that vamp."

"Buffy fights demons," Dawn clarified, "I just help her whenever possible. The one she's after is pretty nasty and I was worried about her going alone."

"Do you....I mean, that is....do you need any help?" The offer was awkward, giving away Connor's obvious nervousness. Dawn smiled, touched by it, but shook her head.

"I doubt Buffy would accept any more help. Besides, you don't want to get involved with this. It's pretty serious stuff."

"I'm no stranger to danger Dawn." Connor said angrily. "I've dealt with it all my life. I can handle a demon. I saved you didn't I?"

"There's no need to get mad at me," Dawn protested. "I'm sorry to have offended you. Keep in mind I don't know anything about you, beyond the fact that you saved me from that vampire, you know what they are and how to fight them...and you hate your father."

"That actually all ties together," Connor said with a sigh. "To tell you the truth, both my parents were vampires." Dawn's eyes widened and she took a step back in sudden fear.

"But that would make you....I mean, it isn't possible for....are you...?"

"I'm human," Connor clarified. "I guess I was a fluke. You're right, vampires can't have children and yet somehow my parents managed to have me. My mother died giving birth to me and my father...."

"That's why you hate him isn't it?" Dawn guessed. "It's because he's evil."

"He says he's not." Connor scoffed. "He actually claims to have a soul! As if any creature like that could have a soul. He's just trying to gain my trust so that when my back is turned...."

"A soul?" Dawn echoed. "Your father has a soul? Connor is he....his name isn't Angel...is it?"

Connor stared at her, suddenly suspicious. He was about to answer when the door swung open and a young blond woman was visible on the other end. She ran towards Dawn, positioning herself between them.

"Who is he? Is he dangerous?"

"Relax Buffy," Dawn assured her, "he's OK. His name's Connor. He saved me from a vampire earlier."

Buffy's posture loosened a bit, but she still eyes the young man warily. She didn't like how he was staring at Dawn and felt he looked oddly familiar.

"I owe you a thank you then. Is this your...loft?"

The young man nodded, unsure of what to say. He was still reeling from the fact that Dawn knew his father's name.

"Buffy, Connor was just saying..."

"Look Dawn I don't mean to be rude, but we have to go now. The sun will be up soon and I want a few more hours of hunting time to try to find this demon before it decides to strike."

She didn't tell Dawn, but the truth was that the kid in the loft was beginning to seriously creep her out. There was something about him she just couldn't place and it set all her slayer instincts on edge.

"No problem Buffy, just let me say good bye OK?" Dawn's eyes pleaded with Buffy to let her have that much. Buffy nodded stiffly and moved to the corner of the room.

"Thanks for all your help," she told Connor. He looked at her, then at her sister, desperate to think of a way to get her to stay.

"Will I see you again?" He finally asked. Dawn shrugged.

"I don't know. We're only here to get a demon. After that....well then we head back home. I think it's better if we just say good bye here."

She began to back away, and inside Connor panicked. He couldn't figure out why, but for some reason he just didn't want to let this girl go. He liked her. She made him smile. She was pretty, and Connor wanted to know more about her.

In a last minute attempt to squeeze out one more second, he impulsively leaned into her and kissed her softly on the cheek. She looked stunned a moment, then smiled shyly in return.

"Good luck with that demon," he said to her. "Be careful."

All Dawn could do was nod until Buffy dragged her out the door.


	6. Pain in the ass

"I don't trust him." Buffy's words cut through the silence that had lasted all the way back to the hotel room. "There's something about him that's just weird."

"He saved my life," Dawn countered. "That vampire could have killed me....would have killed me, if Connor hadn't shown up."

"So that just means you follow him home? You don't know who or what he is Dawn! Did you ever think of that? I mean if he could fight off a vampire..."

"Xander can fight off a vampire Buffy!" She interrupted angrily. "No offense, but you're not the only one who knows how to do that!"

"No, but I'm the only one who truly has to." Was Buffy's answer. "What's his excuse?"

"Maybe he just wants to help." Dawn said with a sigh. "Did you ever think of that? He fights vampires, what more proof do you need?"

"We don't even know if he's human Dawn. You didn't even consider that when you went off with him. What would you have done if he had been a demon?"

"Not all demons are evil Buffy and we both know that." Dawn replied levelly. She looked away, unsure of weather or not she should share the information that Connor had shared with her sister. "Besides, I know he's human."

"How?" Buffy questioned.

"I just know, OK?" Dawn burst out. "Look, can we stop fighting about this and find this demon and kill it already? It's not like I'm ever going to see him again anyway, why does it matter?"

"Because you're my sister." Buffy exclaimed, her entire face looking incredibly drained all of a sudden. "Do you know how scared I was when Willow told me you came here? I mean, Brillcrall demon aside, there are so many things in this town that..."

"I'm OK," she insisted. Then, noticing her sister's face, added, "but thanks for caring."

"I don't want to bark orders and tell you what to do Dawn, I really don't. Sometimes thing are just too dangerous. Why can't you understand that?"

"Because I'm too much like you Buffy," Dawn replied with a humourless smile. "Whether you like it or not, that's the truth. Didn't you invite a mysterious man who turned out to be a vampire into your home after he saved your life once upon a time?"

Buffy turned away from Dawn, thrown by the sudden mention of Angel. She had been keeping her thoughts as far away from him as possible, ever since she arrived in L.A. Although she had told the others she wouldn't, every second that passed made her want to run to him for help as fast as she could.

"Yes I did," she answered, "and it didn't end well if you recall. I've got a demon to find." She headed towards the door, and Dawn followed. Buffy turned around, but Dawn spoke before she got the chance.

"We have a demon to find Buffy. I didn't come to L.A. to sit alone in this hotel room. Now you have one of two choices. You can let me come with you and let me help, or you can go off on your own and I can eventually follow you without your permission and possibly get into more trouble. The choice is yours."

Buffy sighed, and for the first time since arriving there, found herself smile slightly at her sister's determination. Realizing that now that she was here it would be safer to have her sister where she could keep an eye on her, Buffy nodded and motioned for Dawn to follow.

"You know," she said as they left the room, "you can be a real pain in the ass sometimes."

"Told you we were a lot alike."


	7. No rest for the wicked

The ringing of the telephone brought Angel out of the deep slumber that he had settled into just after the sun rose. He was tempted to smash it, but resisted the impulse. He let it ring once or twice, hoping that either Lorne, Fred, Gunn, or even Cordy was somewhere in the hotel to answer it, but soon realized that wasn't the case. Sighing, he picked up the receiver.

"Angel Investigations, we help the helpless."

"Angel?" It was Willow's voice on the other end, which automatically set Angel on full alert.

"Willow? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Was Willow's automatic reply. Then a pause. "Well, something...but it's not serious, at least, we don't think it is....but you might be able to help so it's not that bad! What I mean..."

"Look, could you cut to the chase Willow? Is this about Buffy?"

"Yes," Willow replied. "She's in L.A."

"What? Why?"

"She's chasing a demon that attacked and killed twelve children at a daycare center in Sunnydale. It skipped town, so she went after it. She's hunting it as we speak."

"Why didn't she call me?" Angel wondered, slightly hurt, "I could have helped."

"That's exactly why she didn't call," Willow replied. "She didn't want to add to your demon troubles in L.A. She's been acting funny Angel. In any case, she made it very clear that she didn't want you to know she was here. And normally I wouldn't interfere, but..."

"But what?" Angel interrupted. "What is this demon she's chasing Willow? Is it really that dangerous?"

"Yes," Willow finally said after a long pause. "It really is. I tried to tell her about it before she left, but she wouldn't listen."

"What kind of demon is it Willow?" Angel pressed.

"Angel there's more. Dawn's here with her."

"Dawn? She let Dawn come?" Angel was fairly surprised at this information.

"Let is kind of a strong term for it. Dawn sort of came on her own accord. They don't know what they're getting into. Angel will you help me?"

"Tell me all about this thing Willow, and what I can do to help." Angel said with a nod. Sleep was the furthest thing on his mind now.


	8. Promises kept

"A what?" Gunn's voice was confused as he caught the tale end of Angel's description of the demon Buffy had been chasing to the team in the lobby of the hotel.

"Brillcrall demon," Angel supplied. He handed Gunn the book that showed a picture of the demon in question.

"Yikes, that thing is a new way of ugly!"

"It's also a new way of dangerous." Angel said grimly, taking the book out of Gunn's hands and setting it on the counter. "And it's here in L.A. So is Buffy."

"You didn't mention that part," Cordelia said, sounding a tad surprised and perhaps a bit jealous, although she tried to keep it hidden.

"That's because she doesn't know that I even know about this thing. And we aren't going to tell her."

"OK, now I'm really confused." Gunn said, shaking his head. "Why is Buffy here, and why can't we tell her we're after this demon?"

Angel sighed, his shoulders sagging slightly as he did so. He proceeded to tell them of Willow's call and the fact that Buffy didn't want their help and had no intention of requesting it.

"Well Angel if she's here to fight this thing and doesn't want you interfering...." Cordelia trailed off, hoping he would get the gist of where she was going with the sentence. Seeing that he apparently hadn't, or chose not to, she forged on. "Maybe we should just let her take care of it. She knows what she's doing. If she needed the help, I think she'd ask for it don't you?"

"The Buffy I knew four years ago would have." Angel admitted. "But a lot's happened since then. She's been through things I don't know about. I don't know if she still has it in her to ask for help. Willow doesn't seem to think so either, otherwise I don't think she would have called me."

"So...what? Your girl is not only fighting the Hellmouth demons, but the ones on our turf as well?" Gunn's tone was one of indignation and annoyance.

"This isn't anyone's 'turf' Gunn." Angel replied, "and besides, this thing came from Sunnydale. She had to follow it."

"Even better, she's sending us her baddies."

"She didn't want us dealing with it at all Gunn," Angel said, getting even more testy by the moment. "That's why she didn't tell me."

"So..." Fred was hesitant, "what are we going to do?"

"We're going to help her anyway." Angel replied in a tone that brooked no argument. Nevertheless, Cordelia persisted.

"Angel, how do you propose to do that? I mean, do you even remember what happened the last time you followed her around lurking in the shadows for her own protection?"

"I remember." Angel said softly. "I can't ever forget." His mind traveled back to the day he and Buffy had had together when she had come to L.A. to confront him about his presence in Sunnydale the night before and he had subsequently become human for the day. He had been forced to give up the only chance he had had at a normal life in order to save her from imminent death, and he alone carried the memory of it. It hurt like hell every time he thought of it and yet at the same time he wouldn't let go of that memory for the world. It was what kept him warm when the nights got too cold for even him to handle.

"There you see?" Cordelia said, oblivious to Angel's regression into his thoughts. "What's she going to think if you start lurking around her again?"

"I'm not," Angel told them. "That was never the plan. She would know I was there in a heartbeat if I followed her."

"How?" Lorne questioned.

"She can feel me," Angel responded quietly. "I can....I can sense her too. I don't know why, but..."

"So who then?" Fred interrupted. "If not you, then...us?"

"No, you guys couldn't handle this thing. It's bad."

"Hello! I've been fighting demons since I hit puberty," Gunn reminded them, pride wounded.

"And I was stuck in a demon dimension for five years. That's no walk in the park," Fred added.

"And lets not forget me Angel." Cordelia chimed in. "I'm Sunnydale gal, remember?"

"And I..." Lorne started to speak, then laughed and backed up a step. "Nevermind Angelcakes, better leave this one the pros."

"It's not that I don't think you guys have the abilities," Angel told them. "It's just...well, Buffy would recognize you Cordelia if you got anywhere within eyesight. Gunn you're not terribly subtle when it comes to stealthy and Fred...well, you work better in a brain capacity, for example possibly figuring out how to kill this thing."

"Then who's going to follow Buffy?" Fred wondered.

"Connor." Angel replied. Everyone blinked in confusion.

"Connor?" Cordelia finally echoed. "You're going to ask your son for help? After all that's happened do you honestly think he'll do anything for you at all?"

"No," Angel said firmly. "That's why he's not going to know it's for me. He's going to think it's for you Cordy."

"Oh now I know you've lost it!" She exclaimed backing away slightly.

"Look, he's not a bad kid, he just doesn't trust me right now. He's still on the side of good you guys and he's the perfect person to guard her. All you have to do Cordy, is tell him that she's a friend of yours and you're worried about her. He trusts you."

"Yea he does," Cordelia told Angel, her face deadly serious. "That's why I don't want to lie to him."

"Look I know asking you to manipulate him this way is wrong, but I need someone to watch her. Connor can do it. He may not trust me, but I trust him. Buffy's in trouble and I have to help her out. Are you with me?"

"Angel have you stopped to think clearly for a minute?" Cordelia attempted to reason. "Buffy breezes into town, doesn't even tell you and the minute Willow tells you that you have to help her, it's like she says 'jump' and you say 'how high'! I mean, if Connor does find out he's been tricked like this...are you willing to risk never reconciling with your son just so she can have a shadow for a few days dealing with a demon she can most likely defeat on her own?"

"Yes." Angel said quietly. "I'm not anybody's lapdog Cordelia, despite what you're thinking right now. When Buffy and I saw each other last year, we...we made a promise. Even though we're not together, I told her that I would always be there. That means whether she wants my help or not. She's in my town now and I'm going to protect her. If you're not going to help me then you can leave right now."

"I don't like this Angel," Cordelia stated. She sighed in resignation. "I'll help you if that's what you want. I'll talk to Connor."

"Thanks." Angel said warmly. Ever since Cordelia had told him that she loved him, but could never get passed the inner evil she had glimpsed into while on her heavenly plane, Angel had put his feelings for her on the backburner. He suddenly felt a rush of guilt as he realized that with Buffy's arrival, Cordelia was probably a little more than jealous that all his thoughts were of her all of a sudden. He loved Cordelia, he wouldn't deny that. But he was still in love with Buffy. She was his heart, and whether they were together or apart, he would always be there for her. That was a vow he could not break.

"You can count on us as well," Fred said helpfully. "If you need me to research this demon or something."

"That would be great," Angel said with a nod. "Gunn, I want you to help her."

"Anything for me to do?" Lorne wondered, half hoping Angel would say no.

"Not at the moment Lorne, but I may need you later. Cordy, I want you to talk to Connor as soon as you can. Make it sound urgent. I'm going to call Willow again and let her know that for the moment everything taken care of."


	9. Hidden Agenda

"You want me to follow someone?" Connor wasn't sure he had heard Cordelia right. It seemed like such an odd request to him. Nevertheless she nodded and handed him the photo Angel had given her of Buffy.

"She's an old friend of mine. I want you to make sure she's safe. She's in L.A. hunting a demon and..."

"I know," Connor interrupted glancing more seriously at the photo. "I've already met her. And her sister."

"You....you did?" Cordelia was genuinely surprised. Connor nodded.

"Yea. She didn't mention you though." His eyes hardened slightly and he stared at her even more intently. "Funny thing....her sister...Dawn, mentioned my father. They certainly seem to know who he is."

"Connor..."

"No," Connor interrupted. He thrust the photo back into Cordelia's hands. "This isn't for you is it? It's for him. He asked you to get me to follow them. Who is she to him Cordelia?"

"Buffy? She's..."

"Don't lie to me either. I can tell she's important, otherwise he wouldn't have risked getting you to ask me."

Cordelia sighed, realizing there was no getting around Connor's questions.

"She was...involved with your father a few years ago. She's here after something pretty tough. Angel just wanted to make sure she didn't get hurt."

"He really cared about her huh?" Connor's tone was one of casual interest that worried Cordelia slightly. Had she made a mistake in telling Connor she was worth something to his father?

"Yea, he did. They were very close."

"Why did he leave?" Connor wondered. "What went wrong?"

"I can't really explain that to you Connor." Cordelia told him. "It's not my place. I'm sorry that I even asked this of you. It was wrong of me." She turned to go, when he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. His eyes were resolved and his mouth set.

"It's OK. I'll follow her....keep them safe."

"You will?" Cordelia was clearly shocked at Connor's sudden willingness to help his father. He nodded.

"I'm not doing it for him though." He turned away momentarily, then added, "or you."


	10. A presence in the shadows

Dawn was getting tired. She and Buffy had been scouting out different daycare centers and schools all day with no sign of the demon anywhere. While that was good news in terms of casualties, Dawn's feet were beginning to ache and they hadn't yet stopped for food.

"C'mon Buffy, let's take a break OK?"

"You were the one who wanted to come with me," Buffy pointed out to Dawn. "I've got to find this thing."

"And do what exactly? Ever stop to think that maybe it's laying low? It probably knows you're after it."

"I'm not just going to sit around waiting for it to strike." Buffy insisted. "Not again. These are children we're talking about!"

"I know Buffy, it's just..." she trailed off, not sure how to phrase her thoughts. "It seems we're pointlessly running around. Wouldn't it be easier to do some research? Find out where this thing would most likely be hold up? Maybe we could find out if it needs to re-charge its powers or whatever. I mean it is pretty strong. I just think that since the legwork isn't doing much, maybe research would be easier. We could go back to the hotel, call Willow, see if she's found anything, and if she has..."

"Do you hear anything?" Buffy's suspicious voice cut into Dawn's diatribe. Dawn listened closely, then shook her head.

"No, why?"

"Thought I heard something." Her sister replied. Looking around, she shivered slightly. "I think someone's following us."

"OK, now I know you need a break!" Dawn exclaimed. "You haven't slept in almost two days and you're seeing things. Let's go back to the hotel."

"I'm not seeing things!" The slayer insisted. "I really do think someone's following us!"

"Well where are they then?" Dawn wondered. Buffy sighed, her shoulders slumping a bit.

"I don't know. If it were a vampire I could tell you immediately. They are terrible stalkers. Whoever this is....I can just feel it you know? Kind of like when Angel used to..." She trailed off, already fearing she'd said too much. "Anyway, maybe you're right. Maybe I am just being paranoid. Let's go back to the hotel room, call Willow and see what she knows."

"What a great idea!" Dawn exclaimed in mock sarcasm. "Why didn't I think of that?"

As they headed back however, Dawn found herself looking over her shoulder and wondering if she had indeed saw a shadow darting in the other direction. Convincing herself she hadn't, she continued on her way.


	11. Willy's Cousin

"Hey Buffy? Are you sure I'm allowed in here? Don't bars require ID of some sort?" Dawn's voice was unsure and nervous. Buffy sighed.

"Not this kind of bar. It's mostly demons Dawn. These people don't usually ask a lot of questions. Besides, it was the only lead Willow could give me. Someone in here might have seen the thing or know where it is!" There was exasperation in her tone that was partly from frustration, but mostly due to lack of sleep and the fact that she was still nearly certain she was being followed. "You wanted to come with me on this, now are you coming in or not?"

"Just as long as I don't end up in the slammer for an overnighter." Dawn replied as she gingerly followed her sister. "I've heard stories about women in prison you know. It's not pretty."

They entered the bar and almost immediately some of the vampires got up and left. Buffy sighed. She was hoping that the fact that she had never been in here would keep most of the clientele from figuring out she was the slayer, but it looked as if her reputation had preceded her.

"So much for blending in." She muttered as another group of demons cleared out of the place the closer she got. Even the bartender looked a bit nervous. That was good. Nervous ones were the easiest to get information out of. They were always quite eager to save their own skin.

"Damn it! Did you have to just walk in here like that? You just cost me quite a few customers!"

"Yea?" She retorted. "In case you haven't guessed, this is not my sympathetic face. I take it you know who I am?"

"You're the slayer. My cousin Willy runs a bar in your neck of the woods. Heard what happened in Sunnydale and he warned me you might end up here."

"You know Willy, then you must know the drill." Buffy said, putting on her best 'I'm the slayer and I'm about to kick your ass' voice. "I need information on a demon called a Brillcrall. I got a tip from someone that he might have been in here recently. That's where you come in. I need you to tell me if you've seen this thing." She handed the bartender the picture that Willow had photocopied from one of Giles' old books. He stared at it a moment, then shrugged.

"You think I'm anything like my cousin? Willy's a wuss. He always has been. I on the other hand own a demon bar in LA. That's a step up my dear. You're going to have to be just a little more intimidating to get anything out of me. I have a reputation to maintain."

Before the man could even react, Buffy had grabbed a stray dart laying on the bar and thrown it at the bartender. It managed to graze his ear just enough to cut him and land beside his right eye. He blinked a few times and Buffy could swear he swallowed the gum he had been chewing. She smiled.

"How's that for intimidation? Has he been in here or not?"

"Look I don't know anything OK?" The bartender stammered. "How about you and the kid get a drink? Relax, stay a while!"

"You don't want me to stay a while." Buffy replied with a smile. "I'm bad for business."

"Yea, no kidding!" The bartender muttered.

"Look, you gonna tell my sister what she needs to know or not?" Dawn said, growing quickly tired of the man's cowardice. The bartender looked at her and smirked.

"Willy didn't tell me anything about the next generation here. You sure it's a good idea to have her with you? I mean, this thing you're looking for...it likes to go after the young ones."

In a flash, she had leapt over top of the bar counter, grabbed the dart beside his eye and held it up to his throat pressing the point of it just hard enough to get the man's attention.

"I am done playing with you. Clearly you know what I'm looking for so if you don't tell me I am going to give you more holes in your throat than a pin cushion. Where can I find the Brillcrall?"

"I'd tell her if I were you." Dawn advised, amused by the sweat that was running down the man's face.

"Look, I haven't seen it I swear!" He pleaded. "All I know, is that a man was in here a day ago talking about a job he hired a demon to do on a day care center in Sunnydale."

"A man?" Buffy asked curiously. Forgetting her earlier threat, she let the bartender go and stepped back. "You mean a human? A human being hired this thing to kill all those kids?"

"Looks that way princess." The bartender replied, straightening the wrinkles in his shirt and clearly glad of the reprieve from the dart.

"Why would a man want all those kids dead?" Dawn wondered, inwardly sickened by the idea of a human being with a soul being responsible for the tragedy. From the look on Buffy's face, she was too.

"I don't know. I'm just the bartender, although I will tell you this. The guy was powerful. I mean powerful. It's possible he holds political sway in this town and those people can be hard to take down."

"I'll take him down." Buffy stated, her voice hard and determined. The bartender smiled weakly.

"I believe you kid. Watch your back."

Buffy nodded and turned to Dawn, signaling her that it was time to go. When she turned back she gave the man a grim nod.

"Say hi to your cousin for me."


	12. Caught!

"I've got to get a hold of Willow." Buffy said as the two of them headed away from the bar. Dawn could only nod, too upset to actually form words. Buffy noticed and touched her shoulder lightly. "You OK?"

"Yea, I guess, it's just...how could someone do this? How could something with a soul want to kill little children?"

"I don't have the answers to that Dawnie," Buffy said with a weary sigh. "God knows I wish I did, but..." she trailed off, clearly hearing something Dawn hadn't.

"What is it?"

"Someone's following us."

"Not this again."

"I'm serious Dawn." She insisted. "I can feel it. I can sense it. Almost like a vampire, but not quite. Almost like Angel, but..."

"We are in his town." Dawn suggested. "Maybe you just think you can feel it."

"No, it's more than that. I just wish I could find him. Whoever it is, he's good." Buffy gritted her teeth and kept walking. "He can't hide for long. When I do find him, I'm going to kick his ass."

Connor watched the two of them leave the bar from the roof top and proceeded to follow them at a safe distance. He knew the slayer could somehow feel his presence which unnerved him slightly, but she had yet to notice him and he planned to keep it that way.

So that was the girl his father had fallen in love with huh? Somehow Connor just didn't see what all the fuss was about. She was pretty enough, but why go to such lengths to protect her? Did he really care about someone other than himself?

"So, doing your old dad a favour eh? Never thought I'd see the day." Angel's voice startled Connor out of his thoughts and he whirled to face his father's grim expression

"I told Cordelia I'm not following them for you." He shot back.

"I believe you. You want to tell me why you did agree to follow them?"

"None of your business." Connor sneered. He attempted to get by his father to continue pursuing his quarry, but Angel made that impossible.

"That's Buffy down there so I think it is my business." Angel told him firmly. "What's your angle Connor? You planning to attack her? It won't work, let me tell you. She's too tough. Way out of your league."

"You don't know anything about my league." Connor bluffed. "I grew up in Quartoth remember? How do you know I haven't been holding back whenever we've fought?"

"Because I know what hate looks like." Angel replied sadly. "I've seen it in your eyes when we faced each other. You're crude, sloppy and far too impulsive in battle."

"If you're so sure I don't have a chance against her, then why bother to warn me?" Connor questioned. "Why not just let me have a crack at it?"

"Because you're my son." Angel told him with a soul heavy sigh. "Whatever you want to believe about me is fine but it doesn't change that truth. Why are you following her if not to hurt her?"

"For your information, it's not Buffy I'm protecting OK? It's Dawn."

"Dawn?" Angel echoed, clearly surprised. Connor nodded.

"I saved her from a vampire when she arrived here. When Cordelia showed me the picture and said they were in danger....I didn't want her getting hurt OK? She was kind to me. I'm returning the favour."

"How can I trust you?" Angel questioned him.

"You can't." Connor replied. "Just like I can't trust you."

"Mistrust seems to be the order of the day." A female voice said from behind. The two of them turned to see Buffy and Dawn standing by the fire escape that lead up to the roof. "Who is he Angel? Why has he been following us?"


	13. Revelation

"Buffy, I..."

"Talk!" She demanded, advancing on Connor, a murderous look in her eye. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"Buffy, wait!" Dawn protested. Her earlier suspicions about Connor being Angel's son were now confirmed. The look alone on Angel's face whenever he stared at Connor was proof enough. She didn't want this turning into really bad blood between Buffy and Angel's son....or Buffy and Angel for that matter.

"Out of my way Dawn, this guy can't be trusted." Buffy's voice was hard and brooked no argument. Angel stepped in front of Connor however, determined to protect his son.

"It's not Connor's fault Buffy, I told him to follow you."

"I told you I didn't do it for you!" Connor snapped.

"You know this would be a really good time to listen to me for once and keep quiet," Angel muttered so that only his son could hear him.

"Who is he Angel? One of your little crime fighting team? You sent him to spy on me? Didn't we have this conversation before? I don't need your help!"

"Will you slow down a minute?" Angel exclaimed, growing angry himself. "I was perfectly happy to let you hunt your demon, but Willow insisted I keep an eye out. She was worried Buffy and so am I."

"Willow has a right to worry Angel. You don't. Not anymore." Buffy knew she was being deliberately cruel, but at this point she no longer cared.

"Fine, whatever!" Angel said furiously, "I thought we could be adult about this, but apparently that's not possible."

"Don't you dare call me a child!" Buffy seethed, "you have no idea what I've had to deal with since you left."

"Is that what this is about?" Angel exclaimed. "I thought we had put that behind us! I can't believe you're..."

"No, it isn't." She snapped, cutting him off. "This is about respect and trust. I thought I could trust you. Instead, here you are, running around trying to protect me...trying to keep me from doing my job. I can handle this demon Angel, I don't need a shadow and I don't appreciate being followed without my knowledge."

"Buffy, I'm sure Angel didn't mean..."

"Back off Dawn this doesn't concern you!"

"I think everyone is over-reacting here!" Dawn exclaimed, "Buffy if you would just let Angel explain who Connor is..."

"Isn't it obvious? He works for Angel..."

"I would never work for him." Connor spat. "I can't even live with him."

"Connor is not part of Angel Investigations Buffy." Angel said quietly, his shoulders sagging and his voice sounding too weary to fight anymore. "He is my son."


	14. Angel's story

"I'm sorry," Buffy said, chuckling without meaning to, "did you just say that Connor was your son?"

"It's true." Angel replied, his voice soft, but firm. He looked to Connor for conformation, but the boy simply stood there, as did Dawn, captivated by the display he and Buffy were putting on. It was nothing new. Even when they weren't "together" their lives were dramatic...especially when they intertwined. Angel briefly entertained the idea of selling tickets.

"Have you forgotten that you're a vampire Angel? You can't have children!"

"Technically no," Angel admitted. "Look Buffy it's a very long story. Why don't we all go back to the hotel and sit down so that we can talk OK?"

"I'm not going anywhere with him." Connor said firmly.

"Fine," Buffy agreed. She then looked to Dawn. "First let me take her back to our hotel. Then I'll meet you there."

"I can take her." Connor offered.

"No," Buffy said almost automatically.

"Buffy it's OK...Connor's a warrior....he can protect me." Dawn insisted.

"I don't trust him." She stated, tilting her chin up as if in defiance towards Angel who claimed the boy was his.

"I won't let any harm come to her Buffy." Connor told her, stepping closer to her and looking her directly in the eye. "I swear to you on my life."

Buffy sighed. Despite her better judgment, she realized she believed the boy. She also realized she believed Angel's story. This child was indeed Angel's son, however unbelievable that fact may be. He had his father's eyes and his father's honesty and honor. He would protect Dawn, that she was sure of. She nodded her acquiescence and allowed the boy to lead Dawn in the direction of their hotel. No doubt he knew where it was from following them for as long as he had.

Buffy and Angel walked back to his hotel in silence. For once, she felt uncomfortable and unsure in his presence. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought he would keep such an important part of his life secret from her. How could he have had an eighteen year old son and not tell her? Why did he hide him? More importantly, who was Connor's mother? These were questions she knew Angel would eventually answer, but she found herself not sure she wanted to hear them.

She still loved him. She would always love him and until now, she had believed the two of them soul mates. She had convinced herself of the silliest things. _We can sense each other's presence_ she thought bitterly. _Yea, right!_ What else had he lied to her about? How could she ever trust him again? Who was he?

"Talk," was all she could think to say as soon as she seated herself, far away from him in his room. He sat on the bed, while she on a chair near the window.

"Buffy before you say anything, I want you to know..."

"Save it Angel," she said with a weary sigh that coursed through her entire spirit. "You don't owe me anything, least of all an apology. You don't even owe me an explanation about Connor although I am grateful for it. Let's just cut to the chase OK? I still have a job to do."

Angel wanted to plead with her for forgiveness. He wanted to tell her that he intended to tell her about Connor all along, but he knew she wasn't willing to hear that right now. She was hurt, angry and from the looks of it no longer trusted him as a friend or ally. He felt almost as bad as he had the night he had lost Connor, for he knew tonight he had lost something almost of equal value...Buffy's trust and loyalty.

Taking a deep breath he launched into an explanation, starting with Wolfram and Hart's resurrection of Darla and his subsequent decent into darkness. He told her how he allowed the lawyers to die, how he had fired his only friends, how he had relentlessly pursued them with malice teetering on the brink of insanity. Then he told her what brought him crashing down to the rock bottom. He told her he had violent sex with Darla.

If he even had the ability to hurt her any more than he already had, she hid it well. Her face was impassive has he described his violent will to dominate her and how the sex they had was somewhat akin to rape on both of their parts. He told her how she somehow became pregnant, although by all rights it was indeed impossible and how Wolfram and Hart seemed to think the child of value to their side.

He explained to her how Connor's human soul affected his mother and made her give her life so that his son may live. When he got to Wesley's betrayal, he found the words hard to form in his mouth. He had told Wesley recently that it was all behind them, but he still found himself seized by irrational and passionate anger when he remembered what Wesley had done. As he told Buffy of it, his hands began to tremble and his voice lost its composure giving way to emotion on more than one occasion. Finally he got to the standoff that he, Holtz, Sahjan and Wolfram and Hart had had.

"The only thing left to do....the only thing I could do, was let Holtz keep Connor. It was the only way to save his life. Just when I thought the child would be safe, Holtz jumped into Quartoth, the dimension opened by Sahjon. He took Connor with him, leaving me to believe I had lost my son forever."

Angel lowered his head, unable to let Buffy see his face as the memories of that night overtook him. Suddenly, he felt her tender touch on his cheek and looked up into the worried and loving eyes of the slayer he used to know.

"Angel I'm so sorry." She whispered, and he could tell she meant it. He nodded, touched by her emotion and unable to speak coherently for a moment. When words would come to him, he continued.

"You have no idea how hard it is to lose a child Buffy." He told her, a shuddering sigh overtaking his bulky form. She put a reassuring arm around him and for once he was the one who felt safe and protected.

"It must have been terrible." Was all she could think to say. She hadn't meant to feel tenderness towards him once more, but the pain and heartbreak on his face was too much for her to ignore. She still loved him damn it, and she always would.

"Terrible doesn't even begin to describe it." Angel replied. He met her eyes once more and smiled ruefully. "If loving you Buffy was perfect happiness, then losing Connor was perfect despair. I pray you never feel that."

"How did Connor make it back to you?" Buffy questioned, unnerved by his mention of their night together. It had become almost an unspoken agreement between the two of them that although they were doomed to love one another forever, it was taboo to speak of it. They would love each other silently and that way no one would get hurt. His admission of perfect happiness with her had thrown her slightly off guard and she was eager to return to the topic at hand.

Angel took a breath and told her about Connor's miraculous return aged eighteen years now due to time flowing differently in Quartoth and his fervent hatred towards his father because of the things Holtz had told him. He told her how both Holtz, Justine and Connor had plotted against him, leaving him at the bottom of the ocean until finally being rescued by Wesley of all people. He then described to her how he had kicked Connor out, but was hoping to someday establish a relationship with his son.

Buffy listened intently, not saying a word until Angel finally finished his story.

"Wow," was all she could think to say. "Angel...I'm sorry I attacked you like that. I know that Willow only wanted to help and asking you was the only thing she could think of."

"Buffy don't apologize. I was wrong. I should have told you I was there...or rather Connor was there...especially after what happened last time." He was of course referring to the lost day that had started out with Buffy coming to LA to chew him out for following her around Sunnydale and had ended with him becoming human, enjoying one blissful day with her then asking the Oracles to turn back the clock in order to save her life. Only he knew of it now and it still pained him every day to think of what he could have had.

"Regardless of who should have done what....what are you going to do about Connor now?" Buffy had moved herself back to the chair she had been sitting on earlier, attempting to re-establish a sense of business-like distance between the two of them. Things were getting a little to personal...hitting a bit too close to home for her liking.

"I don't know." Angel replied honestly. "There's something else you should know Buffy. Connor was not following you because I asked him to."

"He wasn't?" She echoed. "Then...why?"

"He followed you because he wanted to protect Dawn." Angel told her seriously. "I think he might be interested in her."


	15. Getting in deaper

"So...do they always fight like that?" Connor hadn't spoken for the longest time causing Dawn to jump slightly when he finally did speak.

"You mean Buffy and Angel? Oh yea...it's their trade mark. That and pain."

"I don't get it," Connor said, confusion lacing his tone. Dawn sighed.

"Me either. Near as I can tell, they are both completely in love with each other, but kept apart forever by the curse on Angel's soul. It's sort of a Romeo and Juliette type deal, but instead of the two of them killing themselves, they just moved away from each other. She still loves him though. Sometimes...sometimes I catch her looking at pictures of him, or reading old diary entries when she thinks that nobody is in the house. From the looks of what just happened there, I'm guessing that he still loves her as well."

"I didn't think he was capable of feeling," Connor said contemptuously. "Does everyone forget that he's a vampire but me?"

"He does have a soul Connor." Dawn said quietly. "I know you don't think it's possible, but it is. Angel has been on our side for a long time now, regardless of what you were told."

"I was raised to hate him by the only person who ever loved me...Holtz...my true father. How can I betray him like that?"

"You think that by giving Angel a chance you're betraying him?" Dawn questioned. Connor shrugged and looked away, clearly more confused than ever. For a long while he was silent.

"My dad....Holtz, hated my father. He killed his children and his wife. How can I forgive someone like that? I was raised to believe in goodness, not evil."

"Angel isn't evil." Dawn replied gently. "What he did was terrible, but it wasn't him that did it. It was Angelus. You were raised in a dimension where there was only black and white...good and evil. That doesn't exist here Connor. You've left that world behind and alienated the one person who could have helped you."

"You're only defending him because your sister is in love with him." Even after the words left Connor's mouth however, he felt unsure of them.

"That's part of it." Dawn admitted, "but I've also seen the good Angel has done. I've seen him save my sister. I've seen him save my friends. I have seen both sides of him and I know that one is truly a good person. I just thought I would tell you that."

"We're here." Connor stated, as if he hadn't heard a word Dawn had said. She looked up to realize that they were indeed at her and Buffy's hotel. She smiled at Connor wishing more and more by the moment that she could help him reconcile with Angel. They were so much alike. Both incredibly handsome, both noble, both so stubborn.

"Thanks for the escort." She said with a nod. "I don't think after tonight Buffy is going to want you to follow us anymore."

"I don't think so either." Connor acknowledged. "She doesn't really need it though, does she?"

"No," Dawn replied with a shake of her head. "Buffy is more than capable of taking care of herself. Angel was just being over protective." She wanted to add _Like you_, but felt it wouldn't be received very well in his present state. Connor shifted uncomfortably.

"I really would like to see you again Dawn." He finally said.

"I would like that." She told him. "But I think it would be a cold day in hell before Buffy would let me start hanging out with friends on top of everything that's been going on."

"I don't think she likes me." Connor stated, remembering the look that she had given him and not liking it one little bit.

"I'll talk to her." Dawn promised. "Maybe I can convince her that we could use all the help we could get."

"You really think she's in trouble?" Connor wondered. Dawn nodded.

"I think we're all in deeper than we realize."


	16. A new determination

"Wait a minute, you think Connor is what?" Buffy shook her head slightly, a little surprised.

"When I first asked Connor to follow you guys, I got Cordelia to pitch the idea...make him think it was for her not me. He figured it out though and agreed to help anyway. When I cornered him on it he said it was because of Dawn."

"Well sure, they met once before....he saved her life." Buffy clarified. "He is your son Angel, why find it odd that he wanted to help keep someone safe?"

"It's not that it's just..."

"Buffy?" Cordelia's surprised voice was heard from behind and she turned to see not only her, but two other people and a demon standing there as well.

"What do you guys want?" Angel asked them, his tone clearly indicating that their presence in his bedroom was unwanted.

"We heard voices." Gunn said with a shrug. "Thought we'd come see if you were back yet. Guess that's a yes. You're Buffy then?"

"Yea." She stated shortly, on her guard despite herself. "And you?"

"Charles Gunn." The man replied.

"He works for me." Angel added, unnecessarily.

"And the others do as well?" Buffy questioned, referring to the young girl and the green skinned demon that stood beside them.

"I'm Fred," the girl said with a smile friendlier than Gunn's had been.

"And I'm Lorne," the demon said. "Don't let the horns fool you though sweetie, I'm a puppy dog in disguise."

"I'll bet." Buffy murmured.

"Angel call me crazy, but I thought you didn't want Buffy to know that you knew she was in town." Cordelia said in confusion. Buffy glanced sharply to her, but said nothing.

"I should have known I couldn't have tailed her without her knowing." Angel replied, slightly abashed. Buffy smiled slightly and Cordelia frowned.

"So now what?" She wondered.

"Now, I think we should get down to business." Cordelia stated, heading over to where Angel was sitting and plopping herself down at his side. "Are we gonna help her fight this thing or what?"

"Look, I appreciate the offer," Buffy began, not liking the way Cordelia was staring at Angel, nor the look he returned to her. It was as if they shared a silent language...the way she and him used to, but couldn't any longer. "I'm fine though, really. I can handle this thing."

"Oh really?" Cordelia challenged, "then why did Willow call Angel? Surely if you could handle it, she wouldn't have felt the need to..."

"She was worried." Buffy said shortly. "It's understandable, I left sort of...swiftly. This demon....the Brillcrall...it attacked a daycare center Cordelia. It killed little children....and I couldn't get there in time. I wasn't fast enough."

"You did what you could Buffy." Angel said gently. He wanted to move towards her and lend her physical comfort, but realized the impracticality of it. They weren't together anymore...couldn't be, and acting as if nothing had changed could only hurt the both of them.

"Sometimes it's just not good enough." She stated simply. "Look, I know that this stuff isn't my fault. I know I can't protect everyone...but little children! Innocents! I owe this demon a world of pain, followed by a grisly and horrendous death."

"I'm all for that." Gunn agreed, speaking for the first time since his introduction. Buffy looked to him as well as Fred and Lorne who nodded their agreement.

"We're helping Buffy, whether you like it or not." Cordelia said firmly. Buffy noted a maturity in her she hadn't possessed the last time she had seen her. It was almost as if she had aged ten years. _I know how that feels. _Buffy thought sadly, _how old and weary do I appear to them? To Angel? _

"Obviously I can't stop you." She agreed with a sigh. "OK, but this thing is bigger than I originally thought. This wasn't a random kill. The demon was hired to kill those kids."

"Hired?" Angel echoed, ears perking up. "By who?"

"Don't know. My source wouldn't say. He did say whoever hired this thing was pretty high up politically." Buffy paused for a moment, lost in thought. "What kind of high profile politician could get away with hiring a demon for a massacre without leaving any sort of trail?" Cordelia and Angel looked at each other, their eyes lighting up simultaneously with realization. She jumped up first, and he followed closely behind.

"Someone with a good lawyer I bet," she said as she hurried out of the room. Buffy jumped up to follow as the AI team headed down to the main lobby as if preparing for 'research mode'.

"Fred?" Angel started. She cut him off however.

"On it," she stated as she sat down at her computer and began to type furiously. _She might give Willow a run for her money._ Buffy thought.

"We'll need someone to protect the daycare centers." Buffy stated. "We don't know if his job is finished."

"I'll take some," Gunn said, happily twirling a rather sharp looking axe. Buffy nodded.

"I'll patrol, see what I can dig up from some other demon bars or the street." She looked at Angel. "Maybe you should get Connor to watch after some of the other daycares. We can't protect all of them, but we can protect some."

"I don't know that Connor would listen to me." Angel said uncertainly. Then, as if realizing something, "he might listen to Dawn though."

"Fine, whatever." Buffy agreed, waving a dismissive hand. Angel nodded as if things had been finalized and headed for the door. "Angel! What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to consult a lawyer," he replied, with a wink in Fred, Gunn and Cordelia's direction.

"Translation, he's going to tick off the big powers in this town." Lorne replied when hit with Buffy's confused glance. "Me, I like my danger a little less deadly so I'm going to stay here and help our little genius with the research."

"Coward," Fred teased affectionately.

"And proud of it sweatpea." Lorne replied with a smile. Buffy nodded and left the hotel, ready for patrol.


	17. Recruiting Connor

"I'm not asleep," Dawn said as Buffy tiptoed into the hotel room just as morning broke the next day, "you don't have to be quiet."

"You didn't have to wait up." She told Dawn as she switched on a light. "You need your rest."

"And you don't?" Dawn countered. Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but Dawn cut her off. "And don't give me the 'I'm the slayer, I can handle it' crap. You may be the slayer, but I'm your sister and I know you way better than that."

Buffy sighed and sat down, giving in at least for the moment to her own exhaustion. Dawn smiled, grateful that she was complying for the time being.

"It has been a long night." She agreed.

"So..." Dawn began delicately, "Connor really is Angel's son huh? I thought so, I was just....I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong."

"Yea, he's Angel's all right." Buffy agreed with a weary sigh. "Don't ask me how it was possible. It's too long a story and it's not really mine to tell."

"He hates him you know." Dawn pressed. "He told me. The guy who raised him...."

"Holtz," Buffy interjected. Dawn nodded.

"He spun his head a bit I guess. I tried to tell him Angel was good and Angelus was the big bad, but..."

"We've got more important things to worry about than Angel's parenting skills. Like finding out who hired that demon and keeping him from striking again. No more children are going to die."

"Are you sure you're OK with all this?" Dawn wondered. "I mean you and Angel have always been..."

"This isn't about Angel and it isn't about his son." Buffy said firmly. "Dawn I need you to do me a favour. We need someone to keep an eye on the day care centers."

"Buffy, LA is huge, it isn't possible to..."

"I know," Buffy interrupted, "we can't watch them all...but some is better than none. Do you think you could get Connor to watch over as much of the East End as possible?"

"I could ask him," Dawn began, feeling slightly more important to Buffy and her plan than she had last night, "but why me?"

"According to Angel you're the only one he trusts." Buffy replied with a slight frown. She wasn't sure she liked the idea of Connor being interested in her sister, but this wasn't the time to worry about things like that.

"I want to go with him then." Dawn decided.

"Oh no!" She exclaimed, "I said you could help but I'm not putting you right in danger's path! You might as well paint a target on your forehead and say 'come and get me, I'm right here'!"

"Connor can protect me Buffy, you know that as well as I do. You said he trusts me and if you're right, I don't want him to think we're using him for our own purposes. He's been used enough, believe me." Buffy shook her head, her resolve remaining firm.

"It's too dangerous."

"What if I just go with him during the day?" She protested. "I will stay here in this very hotel room at night. I won't go anywhere I swear! Come on! I came here to help."

"Only during the day?" Buffy echoed, deciding it might not be a bad idea to have Dawn promise to stay in the hotel room while she was out patrolling the streets at night. Dawn nodded and held up her hand.

"Pinky swear!" She replied. Buffy chuckled and surrendered her own pinky to complete the deal. "After breakfast, I'll go talk to Connor."


	18. Summers pride

"You're sister wants my help huh?" Connor echoed, his tone surprised and mildly suspicious. "She didn't seem to trust me too much last night."

"She knows you're on the home team now," Dawn assured him. "Angel explained..."

"Angel!" Connor exclaimed. "So she takes his word and now everything's OK? What is it about him....?"

"She trusts him." Dawn said simply. "And she needs your help."

"So does he then right?" Connor assumed. "I mean, if all it took was a heart to heart from him then obviously he's in this as well full stop. It was probably his idea to get you to come here."

"No, it was Buffy's." Dawn admitted, "but Angel is helping and that shouldn't prevent you from helping too. Lives are at stake here and whether you want to believe it or not, Angel is fighting with us, not against us. Will you help anyway?"

"I don't know." Connor said, unsure he wanted to ally himself with his father in any sort of battle whatsoever.

"Nobody is asking you to be his best friend Connor," Dawn said, sensing his thoughts. "All Buffy wants is for you to watch over the daycare centers on the East End...make sure this thing doesn't attack again and if it does..."

"I can handle it." Connor said firmly, his eyes narrowing in a moment of instant decision. "Are you....will you be coming with me?"

"Only for the day patrols. I promised Buffy I would stay in the hotel at night when the fun really starts."

"That's probably best." Connor agreed. "It's safer that way."

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting real sick of being tiptoed around. I don't know if Buffy told you this, but the first time this thing attacked was during the day. I don't need extreme protection and I don't need people thinking I'm helpless....especially not you."

"I'm sorry." Connor apologized, immediately knowing what he had done wrong. "It's just...I like you Dawn and I don't want to see you get hurt."

Dawn smiled, feeling slightly warmed and pleasantly confused by his words.

"Thanks...but I'll be OK. I'm a Summers girl....we don't let anything keep us down."


	19. A moment's selfishness

"So tell me about slayers." Connor was asking Dawn the next day as they sat atop the roof of the Shadyville Daycare Center while they ate their lunch and decided which was the next closest daycare center to the one they were currently watching. It had been an uneventful day in terms of demon hunting, and yet at the same time Dawn was getting to know Connor better and better by the moment. The conversation had briefly drifted back to Buffy, which was most likely what prompted Connor to inquire about the nature of slayers, especially with his father being a vampire.

"It's really simple. In order to protect the world from vampires and other demons, a girl was chosen and given powers to fight them. Once she died another girl was called and that's the way it works. One girl dies and then the next one is called. Over and over again. It doesn't stop."

"Does this mean...do you have any powers like your sister?" Connor's curiosity had gotten the better of him, despite the fact that he had vowed not to trust Buffy Summers, as according to him, she was guilty of his father's crimes simply by association. Dawn wasn't however, and the more time he spent with her, the more he began to like her.

"No," Dawn replied with a self conscious smile. "I don't have powers like Buffy. She's special you know?"

"So are you." The words had come out of Connor's mouth without him even realizing it. As soon as he did, he preyed he could take them back. However, when his eyes met hers, he saw her smile shyly, implying that his compliment had not been unwanted. He pressed on with his questions. "You didn't ever feel..."

"Like Buffy got all the attention and I got ignored?" Dawn finished for him. "Left out because she was the super girl with all the powers and I was just Buffy jr.?"

"Yea," Connor replied smiling a bit self consciously. He couldn't believe he had been that easy to read. "Must have been tough."

"It was." Dawn agreed. "Buffy got all the attention. She was allowed to do way more because she was stronger. She and mom both babied me extra amounts because Buffy couldn't be babied. They protected me twice as hard from everything that Buffy faced nightly. I was resentful for a while."

"And you're not now?" Connor asked her. Dawn shook her head.

"After mom died, Buffy and I got a bit closer. I began to see that although I may have been over protected, I probably had it better, as I was allowed to have a childhood, where Buffy wasn't. She's been fighting for her life since she was fifteen Connor. I've been living the life of a normal kid...well, as normal as it gets in Sunnydale, and she was working to make sure the world didn't end every day." Dawn paused and looked away for a moment, enjoying the warmth that the day's sun provided. "After Buffy died last year I had to be strong. I had to live my life without any of my family at all. When Willow brought her back, well, I guess all that 'being strong' caught up to me and I lashed out. I was angry that she had left me like that. Angry that I had to live for a few months what she had to live for six years."

"Sounds rough." Connor murmured, mesmerized by the truth and honesty that shone through her eyes.

"For a little while it was. After Buffy came back it took us a while before we both got on our feet again. She doesn't try and protect me as much as she used to, although she's not too happy about me being here in LA helping. She didn't expect to run into him though."

"Angel?" Connor guessed. Dawn nodded.

"I think she was avoiding him deliberately."

"He's a vampire though." Connor said stiffly. "And if slayers are everything you say they are, it's her job to kill him."

"She loves him." Dawn said simply. "It's not that simple. If you knew what she had gone through...."

"What she's gone through?" Connor exclaimed, his voice incredulous. "How about what I've gone through? Because of him! Because of the man that claims to be my father! You said she's been fighting for her life for six years? My dad and I fought for our lives for eighteen in a dimension full of demons! We lived in constant fear. We hardly ate or went outside! And it's all his fault. It's that vampire's fault and your sister who is supposed to kill him loves him? This world isn't right. At least Quartoth made sense. It was kill or be killed there. That was it."

"I'm sorry Connor." Dawn said, her smile gone and anger lingering in her eyes. "I'm sorry that you grew up like that. I'm sorry it was so harsh for you and I'm sorry that you think that it's Angel's fault you were put there in the first place. But don't you dare imply that Buffy is somehow responsible for that, or that she should be punished for loving him. Angel may have his faults, but he has never ever tried to harm Buffy or me on purpose. Angelus maybe, but not Angel."

"Dawn I'm sorry, I..."

"No," Dawn said, cutting him off. Her anger was not about to dissipate that quickly and she refused to look at him, for fear of falling prey to his beautiful blue eyes. "This world is harsh Connor, but I can't do anything about that. I don't know anything about Quartoth, but I know that Earth is not a black and white place. Things are complicated and can't be solved by a 'kill or be killed' mindset. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll be able to forgive your father I think."

Dawn stood up and began to head towards the ladder that they had climbed up to get to the roof. Connor stood and followed her, but Dawn stopped him with a hand against his chest as soon as he got within range.

"I'm going back to the hotel. If you want to quit and go back to your loft feel free. I'm sure Buffy can find someone else to patrol the daycares."

"I'm not going to quit." Connor stated. Dawn barely nodded.

"You're not as selfish as I thought then."

And then she left.


	20. Intimidation contest

Lilah Morgan sensed something wasn't right the moment she went to unlock her car door and found it an unnecessary action. She very rarely left her car unlocked. As she got in, large arm encircled her and cut off her air supply. Then a deep, angry voice spoke.

"Good evening Lilah."

"Angel!" She spat as soon as the arm released her. "To what do I owe this honor? Did your gang of superfriends boot you out of the hotel like you did to Connor, or do you merely enjoy my car?"

"Neither," Angel said smoothly, staring straight into her rearview mirror in an attempt to unnerve her. "I need some information that I think your firm can provide."

"When are you going to understand this?" Lilah's voice sounded exasperated, rather than frightened. She was too used to Angel's empty threats to actually be frightened by them anymore. "I am what you people call the bad guy! I don't do you favours, least of all give you information on clients. I am assuming that's what you want, am I right?"

"You're batting a thousand Lilah," Angel confirmed, "and you're going to give me that information."

"Oh?" She countered, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow in amusement. "What makes you think that your pathetic threats have any effect on me whatsoever anymore? I'm supposed to help you out of sheer willingness to do good I suppose? You won't hurt me Angel. I've seen your true colours."

"Maybe," Angel conceded, "but the slayer is in town and if she doesn't get this information, she's going to show you hers."

"She's a slayer." Lilah said, suddenly slightly nervous. "She can't kill...wouldn't kill. It's not in her nature."

"Just like it wasn't in Faith's nature?" Angel argued, a smile adorning his face as she saw Lilah's confidence falter. "You read what she did in Sunnydale Lilah, you know what Faith was capable of. Buffy....well, Buffy was the one who tried to kill Faith in the first place. Now she didn't exactly succeed, but I think she's improved a lot since then...come a long way if you know what I'm saying."

"I won't be threatened by her through you Angel." Lilah stated, the firm resolve noticeably wavering in her voice.

"Fine, then I'll just have to send her down here personally to kick your ass. It would be a hell of a lot easier for her to do it too. She's not a vampire so there aren't any barriers in Wolfram and Hart to stop her. Why, she might already be there in your office waiting for you to show up....with a crossbow." Upon seeing Lilah's stricken look he added, "that's only a possibility, I can't remember if I asked her to bring one or not."

"What the hell do you want Angel?" Lilah finally demanded. Angel smiled, knowing he had won the intimidation battle for now. It was an ongoing war between the two of them.

"A man hired a Brillcrall demon to murder a bunch of children in a daycare center in Sunnydale. The demon fled here, and our sources tell me that the man who hired this thing was pretty high profile. I simply wanted to know if he had used the services of the very talented Wolfram and Hart to keep his dealings shall was say...out of the public eye."

Lilah's eyes narrowed at the mention of not only the demon but the man who may have hired him and she became even more nervous than before.

"Look Angel, believe me when I tell you that even you do not want to get too close to this."

"I'm already too close Lilah, but thanks for the disclaimer. Tell me who hired the demon."

"The man's name is Adamson." Lilah finally told him after a few moments of hesitation. "James Adamson. He's one of the candidates for Governor."

"Why hire this thing to kill children?" Angel questioned. Lilah shrugged.

"He didn't say and we didn't ask." She took a shuddering breath. "Look Angel this guy is dangerous. Moreso than our usual client base. He could wipe any and all of you out with a phone call and make it look like little more than an accident. You don't question people like that, you just do whatever the hell they say."

"I appreciate the concern Lilah," Angel said although his tone indicated he was anything but appreciative, "but this guy is going down and you're going to tell me where to find this demon so I can start there by putting it out of commission."

"Last I heard it was hiding out in a warehouse past John St. waiting for it's next assignment." She told him with a sigh. "Are we done now? I'm late for work."

"I apologize if I kept you from what's obviously going to be a very busy day for your firm." Despite the hatred in his tone, he obligingly stepped out of the car and allowed her to shut the door. She started up the engine, intending on driving away from him as fast as possible, then rolled the window down once more just as he was turning away.

"You wanna call your girl and tell her not to hang around my office?"

Angel smiled and shrugged in a way that completely gave away the falseness of his story.

"Too late, I was bluffing. Thanks for the help Lilah, but I'm afraid you've lot this round."

"You won't get another one." She warned as she started her engine and made sure she drove over Angel's foot as she left for the firm.


	21. Connor disputed

Buffy left the demon bar she had just caused a riot in, and headed up the main street, so as to avoid a confrontation with those who might have decided it was a good idea to pursue her. She was quickly making a name for herself within the demon circles of LA. While this was a good thing in some respects, as having your reputation known the minute you walked in the door helped speed up the intimidation part, a lot of demons were beginning to skip town entirely as whoever she was after had a reputation that apparently dwarfed hers by quite a bit. This not only irritated her, but made her extremely nervous as well.

Footsteps on the pavement behind her took her away from her thoughts and brought her back to reality. She tensed momentarily, before realizing the footfalls were more familiar than her own heartbeat.

"You should know better than to sneak up on me." She told Angel, before she turned to face him. "You remember the last time you attempted to follow me into a dark ally? You ended up on your ass."

"With you on top of me." Angel acknowledged. She was now looking at him directly and was mildly annoyed to see a teasing smirk adorn his usually serious face. "I'm starting to like this idea."

Thrown off guard by the familiarity and affection in his tone, she avoided his eyes and attempted to change the subject.

"I've come up completely empty so far with the bars. If these demons know anything about the guy who hired the Brillcrall they are far too afraid of him to tell me."

"The guy's name is James Adamson." Angel informed her, the smirk gone and his tone suddenly all business. "He's a candidate for Governor and beyond that an incredibly large figure in occult circles. He's got connections we can't even begin to fathom Buffy. We are going to have to tread softly on this one."

"I don't really think laying low is an option anymore," she informed him grimly. "Angel what the hell is going on here? How did you find out who was behind the Brillcrall when every beast I've met has run screaming at the mention of it?"

"It's so simple it's funny Buffy," Angel told her without smiling even the tiniest bit. "I asked the guy's lawyer."

Buffy gave him a look of incredulity which suggested she either didn't believe him, or thought he had gone completely off his rocker. Instead, Angel shrugged and pointed up at a sign advertising the services of Wolfram and Hart.

"You see that right there?" She nodded.

"It's the demon law firm you mentioned. The one after your son." She shot him a look of confusion.

"It is," Angel confirmed. "They only handle high profile cases and generally only have demons for clients. If something big is happening chances are they are legally protecting whoever is behind it...among other kinds of protection."

"And you haven't taken them out yet?" She asked him, surprised that Angel would have let an institution of this caliber survive in his city, especially when their very presence was a threat to those he had sworn to protect. She watched as he frowned at her, his expression slightly angered at her suggestion.

"These lawyers are human Buffy." Angel told her. "I can't just go in there and take them out. Besides, their organization is bigger than just LA. It's inter-dimensional. I've been trying to take it down ever since I got here. I may have won a battle or two, but the war will go on indefinitely. Besides...every now and again they come in handy."

"So Adamson is Wolfram and Hart's client then?" Buffy mused, more to herself than anyone else. She didn't verbalize what she was really thinking, namely that she was worried Angel may have gotten his hands full fighting a force as big as the one he had just described, but Wolfram and Hart were ultimately his problem. Buffy had come to destroy the Brillcrall and decidedly now the man who had hired him and stop whatever it was he was trying to do through the slaughter of all those children.

"A very powerful one." Angel confirmed, sensing her thoughts and straying from the topic of Wolfram and Hart's power for the moment.

"We need to find out everything we can on this guy and we need to do it fast." Buffy turned on her heel and began to walk brusquely towards the hotel. Angel had to hurry to catch up to her, then proceeded to match her stride.

"I called the hotel before I found you." He informed her. "Fred, Cordelia and Lorne are already there. Gunn is still on patrol. Since it's nightfall now, the Brillcrall will have gone back to his hideout to regroup and it just so happens that I know where that hideout is."

Buffy's head snapped around to face him at that statement and she stared at him for a moment before speaking.

"Why didn't you say so already?" She demanded. "Give me the address so I can take this thing out and be done with it!"

"No." Angel replied firmly. "I think we should capture it, not kill it."

"Have you lost your mind Angel?" She exclaimed, unable to contemplate what Angel was suggesting. "This thing murdered children! And you want to capture it and bring it back to the hotel like it's some sort of demon petting zoo?"

"We want to find the master, we need to question the minion." Angel reasoned. "We'll lock it up, see whatever information we can torture out of it and then kill it once we have what we need. It's the closest way to get to Adamson Buffy and you know it."

"A kill mission is easy." She finally conceded. "We're going to need more muscle for a bag and tag."

"Well, there's the two of us." Angel reminded her. "Gunn's got the skills we need. And so does Connor."

"Connor?" Buffy echoed. "No way. Too unpredictable. Your son is a wildcard."

"My son grew up in one of the most dangerous hell dimensions there are." Angel replied, indignation and hurt lacing his words. "He's every bit as capable and competent as I am. He's trained and he's strong and he can do what needs to be done."

"Even though he verbally wishes you dead?" Buffy asked him, her voice softer now, more apologetic. "Look Angel I didn't mean to imply Connor was a loose cannon. If I trusted him to care for Dawn, clearly I don't think he's a danger to her. But he is a danger to you. He threw you into the bottom of the Pacific and never intended to retrieve you! All I'm saying is that I don't think it's a good idea to place the both of you in a mortal fight. One slip and..."

"And what?" Angel questioned, noticing that she was once more avoiding his gaze.

"I didn't want to involve you in this in the first place." She whispered, barely able to keep the tremor from her voice. "I certainly didn't want your help fighting my battles and while I am grateful for your assistance, I don't want to be responsible for your death...especially at the hands of your own son."

"I'm not afraid of this thing Buffy." Angel told her gently. "And I'm not afraid of my son. He's come a long way since he put me in that coffin and while I don't deny that he's not exactly crazy about me....I trust him. He's a part of me and I trust him. That's all there is to it."

"Let's just get everyone to the hotel and we'll go from there OK?" Buffy finally said with a sigh. "I'll go find Connor and Dawn. They should be at my hotel by now. You go and get Gunn and we'll meet you back there and then decide how best to capture this thing."

"Why..." Angel started to speak, then hesitated. Buffy looked at him quizzically. Angel tried again. "Why don't you and Dawn stay at my hotel? There's plenty of room and it's free. We don't know how long you'll be here and..."

"OK," she replied, her tone business-like and quiet. "We'll meet up later then."


	22. Cordelia's loss

Fred, Cordelia and Lorne were already gathered in the main lobby of the hotel as Gunn entered, back from patrolling a series of daycare centers which had proved to be nothing but an incredibly dull assignment.

"You would not believe how many little munchkins were in that daycare center. Creepy stuff. I thought demons were scary."

"You don't like children?" Fred inquired, a little disappointed. She had always pictured Charles as the type of person who would be a wonderful parent.

"Oh I like 'em, just not by the hundreds you know what I'm saying? They were everywhere! I almost wished the Brillcrall would show up and give me something to do!"

"I hear you peaches." Lorne said as he took a sip of the cocktail he held in his hand. "The children in Pylea? Not pleasant. You try babysitting a kid who thinks roasting you on a spit is a fun play activity."

"Roasting you on a spit?" Cordelia echoed incredulously.

"Long story," Lorne said with a wave of his hand. "Suffice to say I find the kiddies in this dimension a bit less intimidating. But only a bit."

"Speaking of Connor," Fred continued, catching the obvious reference Lorne had made, "is he on his way as well?"

"As far as I know." Cordelia replied. "The last phone call I got, he said that he was heading back here with some information, but he was going to need Connor's help as well. He also said that Buffy and Dawn would be staying here until this whole thing is finished with."

"Is that really a good idea?" Gunn wondered. "I mean, with everything you guys have told me about her and him, isn't it better if they stay far, far away from one another?"

"Angel's smarter than that." Cordelia said shortly, not liking the fact that Gunn had voiced the concerns that she had been holding inside herself. "Angel wouldn't jeopardize his friends that way. Besides, he and Buffy haven't been together for a long time now. They've probably grown far enough apart for it not to be an issue."

"I don't know Cordy," Fred interjected. She looked apologetic as she spoke, but felt that her piece needed to be said nonetheless. "I mean, I saw the way they looked at each other before. You can't tell me that there's nothing between them."

"That's exactly what I'm telling you." She all but snapped. "There can't be anything between them and Angel knows it. He's just trying to make things easier by letter her stay here. It makes more sense."

"What about Angel jr.?" Lorne wondered, eager to get off the topic of Buffy and Angel for the time being. "Is he allowed back in the hotel or what?"

"I think Angel was going to ask him to come back at least temporarily." Cordelia admitted, "but I don't know how eager Connor will be to agree."

"If Connor's interested in doing the right thing, he'll agree to stay." Angel stated as he entered the hotel, startling those already in the lobby. "Buffy went to get him and Dawn. They should be here shortly. In the meantime I'll lay out the mission for you guys."

"We're finally acting instead of sitting on our butts then?" Gunn said excitedly. Angel nodded and Gunn heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank God. One more day at those daycare centers and I was going to become a very bad role model for those kids."

"I managed to threaten a location of the Brillcrall's hideout out of Lilah. As I told you on the phone Cordelia, this thing is working for a candidate for Governor by the name of James Adamson. Why he needs to kill children however, is what we need to find out and we can't do that if we kill the demon. This mission is to bring this thing in alive and cage it. Then get the information we need before we take it out."

"What do you want us to do?" Fred asked Angel.

"You and Lorne find out how to kill the Brillcrall and then get to work on making it happen. I'm thinking that we might have to enchant a weapon of some sort in order for his death to be fatal. The actual mission team will consist of myself, Buffy, Connor and Gunn."

"What about me?" Cordelia asked, not liking that she was seemingly going to be left out of things.

"As for right now all you can really do is assist Lorne and Fred anyway you can. Oh, and if you're willing, maybe make sure that Dawn doesn't attempt to follow us and get in the way. According to Buffy she has a nasty habit of doing so."

"I'm on babysitting duty?" Cordelia exclaimed. "Look Angel I want to come with you and help capture this thing! I don't want to just sit around here!"

"It's too dangerous for you Cordy. This assault team has to be tight. I need strength and experience here. I can't afford to lose anyone. Do you understand?"

Cordelia could only nod as she felt her own heart plummet at his words. _I need strength_, he had said. Before Buffy came back into town he had considered her his equal. Now, because she did not posses the skills the others did she was relegated to being the resident damsel in distress and she hated it. She hated it because she knew that Angel was attracted to strength and she no longer had it in his eyes.


	23. Buried emotions

Buffy arrived back at the hotel, only to find Dawn seated on the bed, watching TV and looking incredibly frustrated. Although Buffy was grateful that Dawn had obeyed her request to stay within the hotel at night, curiosity over her sister's unhappy expression got the better of her.

"You OK?"

"Huh?" Dawn hadn't even realized her sister had entered the room until she heard her voice. She inwardly chastised herself for not being more attentive to her surroundings. She wasn't sure if vampires needed an invitation for hotel rooms or not, but if they had, she would have been dead before she even realized the demon was there. She made it a point to ask Buffy about hotel rooms later. "Oh Buffy! Did you learn anything on patrol?"

"I ran into Angel." Buffy said with a nod. "He managed to locate the Brillcrall's lair. We're going to get a team together and capture it. See what we can find out from it about the guy pulling its strings."

"Sounds good." Dawn agreed. "Let me know what you find out." She turned from her sister and returned to flipping television channels, entirely sick of the whole situation.

"There's more," Buffy continued. "Angel suggested it might be better if we stay in his hotel until this whole thing is cleared up. So, we're going to check out now and head over there OK?"

"Will Connor be there as well?" Dawn wondered, attempting to keep her voice neutral.

"I was kind of hoping you could tell me." Buffy admitted. "Angel wants him to be on the reconnaissance team when we go to capture the Brillcrall, but from what I've seen, he's not to fond of Angel at all, nor of anyone surrounding him. The only one he seems to listen to at all, is you."

"Yea, well add me to your other list, OK? I'm not really talking to him right now."

"What happened earlier at the daycares?" Buffy questioned, her earlier wish to get to the hotel dwarfed by Dawn's unhappy expression. She was concerned for her sister in part, but also concerned about Connor. If Dawn had somehow gotten on his bad side, would Connor still agree to fight their fight? Especially with his father in their camp? Would Connor make a move against him?

"Nothing big I suppose." Dawn finally admitted with a sigh. "We were talking about you, and then about Angel. Basically Connor said some stuff about how he had it worse than any of you and that it was your fault that he ended up in Quartoth. He said it was your duty to kill Angel and that you should have done it."

"He's right." Buffy agreed, looking at the floor, unable to meet her sister's eyes. Even after so long, the guilt of not being able to kill Angel when he turned on them because of her feelings for him stayed with her. It was her fault that Jenny Calender and all those other people were dead. It had been her duty to stop Angel. Her duty to kill her lover, and she had hesitated. She had allowed her love for him to let the killing continue. She knew it, her friends knew it and apparently even Angel's son knew it. "I know Connor doesn't know me, or you Dawn, but he was right. Once Angel turned evil, it was up to me to stop him. I didn't and people died. Plain and simple."

"He just wants Angel dead because he's a vampire." Dawn sighed. "I know I shouldn't blame him for what he was taught all his life to believe. I just didn't like hearing him say those things about you Buffy. He doesn't even know..."

"Look Dawn, I don't mean to make this seem trivial, but we really need Connor's help on this one. That means I don't have the luxury of caring about what he thinks of me, or of Angel. I just need to know he's on our side."

"He is," Dawn replied reluctantly. "Even after I told him off, he said he still intended to patrol the daycare centers to make sure they were safe. We'll probably find him there. I could talk to him if you want I guess."

"I don't mean to downplay things here Dawn," Buffy told her, seeing the anger still within her sister's eyes and feeling slightly warmed that it was her defensiveness of her that had prompted it, "but we need to concentrate on the mission here, and not our personal feelings OK?"

"Sure Buffy." Dawn replied nonchalantly. "You're the expert of that I guess."


	24. Near miss

There was an unusual chill in the night air as Connor made his way down the fire escape of yet another daycare center and headed towards the ally way behind the building, intending to cut through and head out onto one of the main streets to continue his patrol. He was hunting with extra fervor tonight, as his argument with Dawn still remained fresh within his memory and the need to work out his tensions and frustrations became more and more persistent with every passing moment.

So far the night had been quiet, with no sign of danger from the Brillcrall demon or otherwise. Connor was becoming slightly edgy due to the deceptive peace of the usually dangerous LA streets.

Connor headed towards a graveyard in the distance from where he was, hoping to at least find some vampires to fight to relieve some of his tensions.

He wanted to find Dawn and apologize to her, but the fact that he didn't think he had been wrong in what he said prevented it. Still, she had been the only person he had met so far in this cruel world who even attempted to understand him. He felt slightly guilty for attacking her sister the way he had. There was an obvious bond and loyalty between them and thus a loyalty towards his father as well since her sister apparently loved him.

How did Angel manage to inspire such loyalty and love? This was something Connor could not manage to comprehend. Holtz had told him what his father had done, told him that his father was a demon and Connor had seen enough demons within Quartoth to know that they were evil, pure and simple. How could he believe what Dawn said about Angel being different now? Were all of them blinded by Angel but him?

More than anything, Connor missed having someone to talk to. He missed having a companion. In Quartoth, he had never been alone. Holtz had been with him every waking moment, teaching him, fighting beside him, training him. He had not only been Connor's father, but his friend, mentor and protector as well. He had taught him about goodness and loyalty. How could he go against his teachings and ally himself with Angel, even if Angel was seemingly fighting for the same thing he was? And why was Angel fighting against his own kind? Could Holtz have been wrong?

No, he couldn't have! Connor kicked a nearby wall in frustration. If Holtz were only here now, he could possibly answer these questions for him...explain to him the intricacies of this frightening world. As it was now, the only people he knew in this place allied themselves with the only man Holtz had ever taught him it was OK to hate.

And then there was Dawn. Ever since he had met her, he had desired more than ever to get to know her better. He wanted to talk to her, find out why she did what she did. He wanted to be near her, to talk to her. He wanted to show her what he could do. He wanted to prove to her that he was on the side of good, that he could fight just a well as his father and protect her. He wanted her to look at him and regard him with the same blind loyalty that she showed her sister and to Angel. He wanted her to defend him the way she defended them.

He wanted to kiss her. It frightened him how badly he wanted to kiss her. He had never felt something like this for a girl before, mainly because of his lack of exposure to them for the bulk of his life. Even though he had saved many since he had been on Earth fighting vampires, he had never wanted to be this close to someone the way he wanted to be with Dawn. He wondered if it were possible to get past his feelings for his father for her sake.

His thoughts were brutally interrupted by the sound of rustling in the nearby bushes just before the ally way that led towards the cemetery. Someone, or something was hiding there, waiting for him.

His body tensed, eager for action that had been denied to him all evening. He clutched the stake he carried in his pocket and approached the ally. _Always get the jump on your enemy, _his thoughts told him, reminding him of the very first lesson Holtz ever taught him, _attack them before they attack you, that way you will always have the upper hand. _

With this thought in mind, he leapt at the figure in the bushes, stake brandished, and tackled the creature to the ground. Heaving his stake in the air, he prepared to strike it into the creature's heart, when a hand reached out and prevented his arm from making the killer blow. Looking up, he found himself face to face with Buffy Summers' hard angry eyes. It was then he realized that the "demon" he had just attacked had been Dawn and it was only through Buffy's quick thinking that he hadn't managed to kill her.

Springing upwards in absolute shock and self loathing, he dropped the stake and covered his face with his hands, unable to look at either Buffy or Dawn.

"Little lesson I learned from a friend of mine Connor," Buffy said harshly, "look before you stab OK?"

"I didn't...I mean, I thought...he always told me attack first...I didn't know..."

"Connor," Dawn attempted to say, as she stood up, the initial shock of the attack having faded, "it's OK, I understand!"

"I wasn't trying to hurt you." Connor insisted, growing more coherent, and yet showing no signs of hearing Dawn's words at all. "You were in the bushes and I thought...I'm so sorry." He backed away, afraid that any minute time would reverse itself and Buffy's arm would not appear to stop him.

"Connor, don't worry, it's OK!" Dawn insisted. She advanced closer towards him and touched his trembling arm, touched that he seemed to care so much for her safety. "I forgive you."

"Dawn I..."

"Look we don't have time for this!" Buffy interrupted impatiently. Dawn could see she was anxious to get to Angel's hotel and lead the capture party to the Brillcrall's lair. "Connor we need you to come with us to the hotel. We have information as to the demon's whereabouts. We need to get Angel and Gunn and go capture this thing as soon as possible."

"Capture it?" Connor echoed, finally managing to shake off the internal fear that had stayed with him even after Dawn was out of danger. "Why not kill it?"

"Angel thinks it may have information we need about who hired it." Dawn replied. "He will kill it, just not until we know what it knows."

"Is that what he said?" Connor wondered, the automatic distrust welling up within him. Dawn looked at him sternly and Connor immediately felt guilty. He had almost killed her through his own stupidity and here he was making statements two seconds after guaranteed to anger her.

"Connor I know we argued before. I know you don't trust him, but can you at least trust me when I say that we're all on the same side right now?" She touched his arm yet again and pulled him closer to her, making direct eye contact in the hopes that he would see her sincerity. "Please Connor, he needs your help. We need your help. Will you do this right now without question?"

"I believe you Dawn." He finally said after moments of thought. "That's where I put my trust. Not in him. I'll come with you to the hotel."

"Thank you Connor," Dawn said with a genuine sigh of relief. The confliction in his eyes was enough for Dawn to forgive his words about Buffy earlier, even though she had intended to stay mad at him. She turned away and began to head in the direction of Angel's hotel. Buffy hung back.

Connor began to follow Dawn, but was stopped by Buffy's gentle touch to his shoulder, and the anger and mistrust within her eyes as she spoke to him.

"I don't know what your angle is Connor," she began, making sure Dawn couldn't hear them. "And bringing you on this mission was not my idea, I want that made perfectly clear. Angel seems to think that you are loyal and trustworthy to our side. Me? I think you are a loose cannon and if you ever endanger Dawn that way again, I'll do more than just stay your hand, do you understand me?"

"I would never hurt Dawn on purpose." Connor replied darkly. "But I will show no mercy to anyone who goes against me. Now leave me alone."


	25. Warror's mask

Angel's heart leapt when Buffy finally entered the hotel, followed by Dawn and a very tense and sullen Connor. Despite himself, Angel tensed up as well as his eyes met those of his son's. Connor looked at him with such utter loathing that it made Angel's heart ache for all that he had suffered. Why hadn't he stopped Holtz from jumping into that demon dimension? Why had he foolishly blamed Wesley for what happened when it was his own recklessness that caused Wesley to take such protective measures in the first place? How could he ever make it up to either of them?

"Connor you made it," Angel blinked, not even realizing he has spoken until the words had left his mouth.

"I was told I was needed." Was his short reply. "What's the plan?"

"I have the location of the Brillcrall. We need whatever information we can get from it about Adamson and his plan, so this is a capture mission, not a kill. The team consists of Connor, Buffy, Gunn and myself. We hit the demon's lair at sunrise. I'm gonna need this to be brutal and fast. We have to catch him off guard, so that he doesn't get a chance to fight back until after we've hit him with the tranquilizer and secured him. We can chain him to the wall in the basement of the hotel until we have enough information to kill him."

"Speaking of," Fred interrupted, slightly shy all of a sudden when faced with the very imposing looking slayer and her sister. "Someone named Willow called the hotel with the answer to killing the demon. You were right Angel. All we have to do, is enchant one of the hotel's weapons with this spell she sent us and it should be fatal for him."

"I knew Willow would find a way to kill this thing." Dawn said with a smile. Then, looking at Fred, Lorne and Cordelia who had obviously been pouring over books all day, attempted to apologize. "I didn't mean that you guys couldn't, or that you wouldn't have eventually, I just meant that Willow beat you to it. Not that it was a competition or anything, I mean I'm sure that given the same amount of time, you all could have..."

"Dawn," Buffy interrupted, sounding slightly amused. "We don't have all night."

"Sorry." Dawn said with a sigh. "I'll remove the foot from my mouth long enough to say hi I'm Dawn! I don't think I've met some of you guys."

"I'm Fred," the Texan brunette said with a warm smile.

"Gunn," he said shortly. Dawn had a feeling that there was something between the two of them and smiled, thinking it was kind of cute.

"And I'm Lorne." The green skinned demon stated. Dawn instantly liked him. "Can you sing Dawn? Your aura is just screaming at me already and I would love the opportunity to figure out why."

"Huh?" Dawn said, confused. "My aura? Sing?"

"No singing." Buffy said quickly. The Angel team all looked at her strangely. "We've had enough singing to last a lifetime."

"I actually liked it. I mean, I was certain I as about to sing something American Idol-worthy, when those lackeys kidnapped me." Dawn sounded slightly regretful. "Oh well, there's always next time."

"Well whenever it is, I would love to be there." Lorne said seriously. "There is something different about you cutie-pie, I can feel it."

"Must be the key thing," Dawn muttered.

"Key?" Gunn echoed.

"Don't you think we should talk about this later? You guys are going to have to work on a plan of attack before the sun comes up." Cordelia's voice was impatient and irritated. The more Buffy stood there, the more her exclusion from the mission bothered her. Why didn't Angel think her strong enough to come with them? She was part demon after all.

"She's right Angel." Buffy said with a nod, completely oblivious to Cordelia's dislike of the situation. "We should go somewhere and plan a strategy. I don't want anything to go wrong in with this. This thing has killed too many people."

"Don't worry Buffy, everything will be fine." Angel said confidently. Buffy allowed herself to relax slightly. His words always comforted her no matter what the situation and it felt good to let herself lean on someone else for once. She hadn't been able to do that at all since he left her three years ago. "We'll go into the basement and start planning things a bit better. Cordelia, can you take Buffy and Dawn's stuff up to the room across from mine? I believe it's free. Fred and Lorne, could you guys get to work on enchanting that weapon for when we do take this thing out?"

"It shouldn't be too hard." Fred agreed with a nod. "We have most of the ingredients at the hotel."

"What about me? What do I do?"

"You can come with me if you want Dawn," Cordelia offered with a friendly smile. "I can show you the rest of the hotel if you want a tour."

"Thanks." Dawn replied, slightly disappointed in the fact that they clearly wouldn't be doing anything too productive, yet grateful for Cordelia's attention. Although she knew that she had never technically met Cordelia, her memories told her otherwise and in that respect she was happy to see her again. "Can I help get any ingredients for their spell?"

"If we need something that's easy enough to get, sure." Fred said brightly. Cordelia bit her lip and kept from showing her aggravation at the thought of being relegated to 'the girl who gets the safe ingredients'. Instead, she smiled and ushered Dawn upstairs, leaving the rest of the gang to go about their tasks.

"She seemed a little on edge." Buffy commented as they headed downstairs, Connor and Gunn trailing behind.

"I wonder why." Connor replied darkly. He had knew Cordelia briefly, and yet he knew that she was unhappy about Buffy's reappearance. He suspected that she too harboured feelings for him, although why two women could love him so fiercely still remained an elusive concept.

"Cordelia's fine," Angel replied, feeling a bit guilty for not treating her as well as he could have in the past few days. Just when he had begun to admit his feelings for Cordelia not only to her, but to himself, Buffy had reappeared in his life and shaken everything up. He knew it wasn't her fault. She didn't even want him involved in the first place. Still, whenever she was near, he couldn't control his feelings for her. He had thought given time they would lessen, but to his anger and sadness they had only increased. It tore him apart to realize that after this was over, she would go back to Sunnydale and back to her new life, while he would remain unchangeable and unable to move on.

"She's changed so much," Buffy mused softly, still clearly thinking of Cordelia. "You guys must have been through a lot together." She was surprised a the small twinge of jealousy she suddenly felt at the thought of Cordelia and Angel spending so much time fighting side by side.

"It's been rough." Angel admitted. He snuck a side glance at her and realized for the first time since she had gotten here, he couldn't read the expression adorning her face. _She's changed a great deal as well, _Angel realized suddenly. He hadn't wanted to think of it, but since she had gotten here, she had been harder, tougher, more unwilling to trust him, or anyone else but herself. What had caused her to revert to such unwavering self-reliance? What had she been through in his absence? Had he done this to her? He hated to think that he had.

There was no weakness in her now. When he had first seen her coming outside of school, he had been initially attracted to the combination of vulnerability and strength she displayed in every thing she said and every movement she made. He wanted to shelter her from the big bad world and at the same time, knew that she could handle almost anything the world had to throw at her and took pride in that knowledge. She had been a woman trapped in the body of a girl, strong, yet weak and Angel had loved her for it.

Now, that vulnerability was gone. The girl was gone. All that was left was a hardened warrior, and Angel wanted desperately to take her in his arms and assure her that she could always lean on him, always trust in him. He wanted to make love to her, and get as deep within her as she was always within him, so that she would know the extent of his willingness to protect her and keep her safe.

She was no longer even looking at her, but rather talking to Connor in short, clipped sentences about battle strategy and positioning. Angel sighed and turned his attention toward the conversation, ignoring the hateful looks his son was sending him. _How did I manage to allow my life to fall apart like this? _He wondered to himself. _What kind of champion has a son that wants him dead, and a former lover who no longer trusts anyone? _

"Angel?" Gunn's voice interrupted him. "You with us man?"

"Yea, Gunn, go ahead." He sighed and looked towards the group, hating himself utterly. "Let's get this done."


	26. Demon's capture

"Connor get down!" Angel's voice was urgent, alerting his son to the Brillcrall demon's very deadly axe swing that would have successfully decapitated the boy had he not headed his father's warning. Recovering, he managed to trip the demon with a swift leg sweep, with which the demon countered by rolling into a crouching position and leaping backwards to avoid the swish of Angel's sword as he swung it.

"How did he know we were coming?" Buffy heard Gunn yell out to Angel as he leapt into the fray, against one of the Brillcrall's minions, fists flying. He was batted aside quite easily, losing his weapon in the process.

"I was worried about this," Angel yelled in return. "Lilah must have tipped off Adamson."

Buffy watched Gunn's axe clatter to the floor across from where he had been thrown. Diving for it, she managed to avoid the path of the Brillcrall's blade, executing a perfect flip over top of it.

"Buffy!" She heard him call. Whipping around to where he sat against the wall, she tossed the axe to him. Gunn caught it easily and smiled, grateful to have the weapon back in his hands. Jumping up, he resumed his battle with the demon. Angel fought with a sword, but she and Connor were weaponless, preferring hand to hand combat in a capture mission such as this. She had tried to convince Angel and Gunn that blades would be too risky when killing the demon was not the ultimate goal, but boys like their toys and they refuse to be parted with their weapons. In retrospect, Buffy was beginning to regret her decision, as was Connor.

"His minions won't last for long." Connor stated grimly as he advanced on one of the demons once more and attempted to back it into a corner. Gunn and Buffy were each battling demons to the right, while Angel's sword clashed violently with the Brillcrall's blade.

Their original plan was to surprise the demon in his sleep and shoot him with the tranquilizer gun before he had a chance to react. Unfortunately the Brillcrall had been waiting behind the door for them and had managed to wrest the gun from them the moment they stepped cautiously through the door. He had then ordered the four or five miscellaneous demons under his apparent command to dispose of the Angel, Buffy, Gunn and Connor, then thrown the gun into a corner of the room. He and his minions had been blocking the tranquilizer gun in an attempt to ensure that the fight was to the death. Angel had hoped his and Connor's weapons would be unnecessary. Now it looked as if they would be integral if they were ever to get past the demon's minions and get to the gun.

"Buffy, Gunn, Connor! The tranquilizer gun! Now!" Realizing Angel's little sword battle was meant as a distraction, Buffy took action first and dove for the corner where the Brillcrall had thrown the gun. She wasn't prepared for the sharp kick to the head, that she received in the process from one of the tougher minions. Connor had already killed two, leaving three left, not including the Brillcrall. She groaned and rolled to the side of the wall, spots forming before her eyes.

"Buffy you OK?" Gunn asked, rushing to where she had landed.

"The gun, get the gun, don't worry about me!"

But Connor was already heading for it, oblivious to the fact that one of the three demons left was now aiming an arrow right for his neck and was about to shoot.

"Connor!" Angel yelled, abandoning the fight with the Brillcrall in favour of diving in front of the arrow in order to keep his son safe. He took it in the chest, dangerously close to the heart, and fell to the ground with a painful crash.

"Angel!" Buffy cried out, scrambling from her position to where he was in a blind attempt to make sure the arrow hadn't been lethal.

Gunn had now launched himself against the demon that had shot the arrow and soon was fighting two, as the one standing next to it decided to join in. Their battle was joined in a flurry of rapid clashes of axes to swords.

Connor had recovered, grabbed Angel's abandoned sword, sparing no thought for his father's welfare and attacked the Brillcrall demon himself with renewed vigor. From the other side of the room, the third demon began to stalk towards Buffy and Angel, who was still lying on the floor, arrow protruding from his chest.

"Oh God, are you OK?" Buffy's voice was frantic and held a slight edge of hysteria in it. It was so close to the heart....so close...

"We don't have time for this," Angel said urgently, "quick, get this thing out of me."

"What if I get the heart?" Buffy said, terrified that one wrong move on her part would mean the end of him. Angel looked at her, his dark eyes strong and intense in their certainty.

"I trust you. Hurry, Connor can't keep that thing at bay for very much longer."

Buffy nodded and with one swift tug, yanked the arrow from his chest in what she preyed to God was a swift, straight stroke. Angel's cry of pain tore into her, but was soon succeeded by relief when she realized he was otherwise unharmed.

Leaping up, he met the demon that had been about to attack him and Buffy in flurry of punches and kicks. As soon as he saw Buffy get to her feet out of the corner of his eye, he yelled her name.

Instinctively, she turned, to receive the demon that Angel had thrown her way, grabbing it by the collar and slamming it mercilessly against the wall. She used it's disorientation to her advantage and before the demon realized what had happened, she had managed to snap its neck. Turning, she looked to where Connor had fallen to the ground. The Brillcrall was advancing on him, now holding both his axe and Angel's sword.

It didn't get very far however, as Angel quickly tackled it, and wrested his sword out of the demon's hands. Their blades met once again with startling ferocity.

"Angel be careful!" Buffy called out, unable to help herself. It had been so long since they had fought side by side, she couldn't help but worry for his safety. She was so concerned with the battle he was fighting that she didn't even hear Connor call her name in warning until the other demon Gunn had been fighting had thrown her across the room and smack into the wall, with mind numbing force. Looking up, she barely had time to react at all before its fist connected painfully with her face.

"Buffy I'm coming!" Gunn cried as he managed to cleave the head off the demon he fought.

Regaining her composure, she kicked the beast full force in the groin, before rolling between its legs, coming up behind it, and decapitating it with the axe Gunn had managed to throw to her.

"Thanks," she said with a smile to him. He gave her a half salute, impressed by her skill and sheer agility.

Looking to the side, Buffy felt her heart stop almost entirely as she watched the Brillcrall swing his sword right towards Angel's neck, about to take his head.

The blow never connected however, because Connor who had managed to make it into the corner where the Brillcrall had tossed the tranquilizer gun, had retrieved it and shot the Brillcrall in the back of the neck just in the nick of time. Angel rolled out of the pathway of the sword which still came flying towards him, but at an offbeat, no longer lethal angel, and stood up next to his son, relieved that Connor had gotten to the gun in time.

"I got it." Connor said proudly.

"You did." Angel agreed, inwardly swelling with pride at his son's abilities. "And you saved my life."

Connor's pride in taking the demon down was quickly succeeded by defensiveness as he suddenly realized that Angel might take that particular rescue as a sign that Connor was willing to attempt to develop a relationship of some sort. He turned away, not meeting Angel's eyes.

"You saved mine." He murmured. "Fair trade."

"Let's get this thing back to the hotel." Buffy said, still trying to catch her breath.

"Good idea." Angel replied, a little disappointed that Connor had reacted in such a way to his praise and thanks. "Gunn could you dispose of these demon's bodies? Dump them in the ocean or something?"

"How come I always gotta dispose of the bodies?" Gunn complained. Angel gave him a look that pleaded for little argument. Gunn surprisingly complied, and began to drag the bodies into a corner. "How 'bout I burn 'em? Less grunt work that way."

"Works for me." Connor said with a shrug. He grabbed one end of the Brillcrall demon and looked to Angel challengingly. "You gonna help me carry him?"

"Buffy are you OK?" Angel asked, trying not to sound as worried as he felt. She had taken some pretty nasty hits. They all had.

"I'm good. A couple of bruises. Nothing that won't heal with the help of some rubbing alcohol and a bed entirely made of fluffy pillow-y goodness." She looked the location of his arrow wound as he hefted the other end of the Brillcrall's unconscious body and began to carry it towards the car. "You sure you're OK with carrying that? The last thing you need is for that arrow wound to tear. I could..."

"I can handle it." Angel said, his mouth forming that sexy half smile she remembered so clearly. "Although did you really have to rip it out so hard? I think you took a few organs with you!"

"It's not like you need them to live." Connor muttered to himself. Buffy followed Angel, slightly annoyed by his words.

"You asked me to pull it out, I didn't want to." She reminded him. "You're lucky I didn't accidentally dust you."

"What a tragedy that would have been." Connor muttered.

"You know, I did save your life back there," Angel reminded him, quickly becoming annoyed.

"See you guys back at the hotel." Gunn called out, as an attempt to end the bickering. Buffy gave a halfhearted wave backwards and the three of them loaded the demon in Angel's car and headed back to the hotel as fast as they could.


	27. Introducing Adamson

James Adamson gritted his teeth in frustration as he watched the now infamous Angel Investigations team drag the unconscious Brillcrall demon that he had hired away from its lair and into their custody. He had installed the video camera in the warehouse as soon as his lawyer Lilah Morgan had informed him of her involuntary slip of information to the vampire regarding the demon's whereabouts. Almost immediately after she had given Angel the information, she had subsequently informed him of her mistake, giving him the time to take what he thought would be effective counter measures.

Clearly those counter measures were not enough. It was obvious that he had grossly underestimated this vampire and the gang of supposed demon fighters he had with him. He hadn't expected the slayer either. Lilah had warned him that Angel had threatened her with the presence of the slayer, but since she hadn't been waiting in her office as Angel had threatened, James had assumed it was a bluff altogether, with no merit attached. It was stupid of him and now he was paying for it.

Lilah had paid for it too. Not only had she taken considerable heat from her superiors at Wolfram and Hart, but from Adamson as well. He had considered hiring someone to annihilate her, as she had proved to him to be unreliable. He soon realized that doing so would be unwise, as he still needed the protection of Wolfram and Hart as a way of keeping him from looking questionable to the human public unaware of the existence of demons. Unfortunately Wolfram and Hart was the only firm that specialized in these sorts of situations, therefore making them the only game in town.

The firm itself however, had no qualms to Adamson taking his wrath out on Lilah in more interesting ways, such as torturing her for hours. She had held up pretty well though. So well in fact, that afterwards, he decided not to ask for another lawyer. She had paid her dues and in the process, Adamson respected her more for it.

There was still the problem of Angel and this slayer to deal with however, and without his Brillcrall to complete the rest of his plan, Adamson was now inconveniently behind schedule.

"He's not the only demon out there capable of pulling this off." Lilah reminded him. She spoke slowly, so as not to aggravate any of the cuts on her lip or the swelling of her face. "The firm can give you a list of demons equally as violent and willing to do whatever you have in mind for some quick cash."

"I would appreciate that, but making the contact and establishing a trustful working relationship will take time Ms. Morgan, time I don't have to waste. I'm on a very tight schedule here. I needed that demon, and now they have taken him."

"I could send a recovery team in to attempt to recapture the demon." Lilah offered. Adamson waved his hand absently.

"No, I don't want to force a confrontation on their turf like that. You were right before. Get me a list. Find a demon even more brutal than the Brillcrall and pay him handsomely to finish my work. I don't have much longer if this is going to work."

"I'm on it," Lilah promised. She started towards the door, but Adamson prevented her from getting there.

"I want the vampire taken care of as well. That will be my demon's first task." Adamson clarified. "This guy has pissed me off. I want him, I want his team, and I want his slayer dead." Lilah smiled. Despite the previous torture suffered at his hands, she quite enjoyed Adamson. He shared a hatred for Angel and his team that almost rivaled her own.

"The team I can do, the slayer, my pleasure but Angel..." she paused and grimaced with distaste. "he's off limits to my people and to yours if you want the firm to remain a resource available to you."

"Avoid killing the vampire?" Adamson exclaimed, the anger rising within him. "You want him alive?"

"I don't, no!" Lilah retorted, equally as frustrated. "Believe me when I say that I would be more than happy to go after him full force and turn his undead ass into dust. Unfortunately my superiors have made it abundantly clear that he is needed to play a crucial role in the upcoming apocalypse. This is something the senior partners have been working on for several millennia so I doubt they would be too happy if I went renegade or one of my clients took matters into their own hands. Angel is not to be killed, plain and simple. Do whatever else you want to him, but leave him alive."

Adamson clenched his fist in incredible fury, unable to believe that he couldn't exact his revenge on the vampire the way he wanted to. Unable to hold his anger in whatsoever, he lashed out by hitting Lilah in the face and knocking her to the floor. She glared, but said nothing as she stood back up.

"Fine," he finally said after a few moments of silence. "I will get my revenge other ways. Find me a demon to replace my Brillcrall. I will handle the vampire problem."

"What will you do?" Lilah asked, not liking the insane glint in Adamson's eyes. He smiled and waved her away, mind now on other matters.

"I said I will take care of it. You just hold up your end."

Lilah nodded and left the lair, a sense of foreboding settling uncomfortably within her. James Adamson was not the type of man to take an offense like this lying down. What would his revenge against Angel entail? Was it better not to know?


	28. A new direction

Hours later, Buffy, Dawn, and the Angel Investigations team were not in the greatest of spirits, despite their recent success in capturing the Brillcrall demon. Angel had expected it to resist revealing any of Adamson's secrets for a while, but he had assumed that after sufficient torture the demon would cave in. It hadn't happened yet though, and Angel was beginning to doubt it would.

Angel had tried every torture trick he knew, in order to get the demon to give them the information they needed, but he would say nothing. Not even Angel's brutal torture methods, those he borrowed from Angelus, could get the Brillcrall to betray his master. This worried Angel and Buffy greatly, as creatures for hire were not generally known for their loyalty. What made Adamson so different? Why would this demon endure such torture rather than simply give in and die a quick death?

"I say we just waste him now." Gunn suggested as the group convened upstairs in the hotel to discuss the problem with the Brillcrall. "It's obvious he aint talking. Any minute now, Adamson is gonna figure out what we did. Since this thing seems so loyal, there's a chance his master's gonna want him back. When he does, he'll come here to the hotel...and he'll come in force. From what we've heard of this guy, it's not something we wanna see happen."

"Gunn's right," Cordelia agreed. "If we want to keep a low profile, we can't have this thing any longer than we need it."

"I refuse to believe that this thing won't give us any information at all." Angel muttered in frustration. "I've tried everything. Even things that I haven't done since..." He didn't have to finish the sentence. Even Dawn knew he was referring to Angelus.

"What a shame." Connor said, his eyes dark. "I've heard so much of your talent and appetite for torture."

"If you're referring to anything Holtz told you, that was a different man." Angel replied, teeth clenched with anger, "not me. Of course maybe in this case having Angelus here wouldn't be such a bad idea. I can't seem to summon up the same brutality."

"It's better that way Angel," Buffy told him with a small smile. "We don't need Angelus or his brutality. We'll find another way."

"In the meantime though, what will we do?" Fred questioned. She looked apprehensively towards the door to the basement. "I don't like the thought of Adamson sending demons like that thing in here to get it back."

"I'm with the little Texan on that one," Lorne agreed. "You know Angel I don't just read songs, I can read screams as well and that demon you got down there....well that's more pain than I care to read. I can even feel it up here. Putting it out of it's misery just might be the best for all of us."

"That DEMON down there murdered children!" Buffy exclaimed angrily. "In my opinion, it deserves whatever it gets and more. There is no room for sympathy towards it here, you got that?"

"Whoa, Buffy calm down." Dawn exclaimed. "I'm sure Lorne was just trying to be helpful. He's an empath demon Buffy, you can't expect him to feel nothing."

"You always try to see every side of things, don't you Dawn?" Connor murmured appreciatively. Dawn blushed at his words, and Buffy turned her glare from Lorne to Connor.

"Look, Angel, we need to stop arguing and do something." Cordelia said decisively. She crossed the room and sat beside Angel, touching his arm gently in a gesture of support. Angel looked to her gratefully. "I'm sure you tried your best, but keeping it alive is only endangering everyone here and getting us nowhere in the process. Let's just kill it and start again. I'm sure there are other ways to get information about Adamson."

"There are no other ways!" Buffy snapped, harsher than she intended. She didn't like the way Cordelia was looking at Angel, nor did she like the way his gaze responded. The two shared a friendship closer than any of the other Angel Investigations team. He listened to her, took advice from her, trusted and relied on her. The two of them were partners in every sense of the word. Equals. The way Angel and Buffy herself used to be. Even now, despite the fact that some feelings remained between them, something had been lost along the way. She felt estranged from him. Alone, in a way that she had never been. He had always understood her strength, had always been on her side, trusted her as not only a fellow warrior, but as the woman he loved as well. Now he placed his trust in Cordelia as well and Buffy felt as if he were leaving her all over again. "Angel listen to me, we need this demon! You think Adamson is just going to leave clues all over LA for us to sniff out? This is all we've got. All we need is a little more time!"

"The demon is near dead as it is." Gunn interrupted. "More torture is only gonna piss him off more."

"What about other ways?" Angel wondered allowed. "Maybe we've been wrong with the brute force idea all together."

"You mean like magic?" Connor was skeptical.

"A truth potion?" Dawn wondered, here eyes lighting up at the idea. "You mean they really exist? That is so cool! There are a few people I could use that on at school that I wouldn't mind finding out the truth about."

"Do they?" Buffy asked curiously, "exist?"

"Well," Fred began, pushing her glasses nervously up on her nose. "I've heard rumors, read things about the possibility of truth potions. Historically the Romans believed that..."

"Do they or do they not exist Fred?" Angel persisted, slightly impatient.

"Maybe." Fred replied. "I'd have to do some checking."

"I'll lend a hand there," Lorne offered. "Just as long as it cuts down on the screaming in the basement. It's terribly hard on the spirit."

"Fine, you guys check up on that." Angel said decisively. "In the meantime, we should get to work enchanting the weapon to kill the demon with for when we're done."

"Can I help?" Dawn wondered. She had always enjoyed watching Willow and Tara work with magic and took the opportunity to do so herself whenever she was allowed.

"It's a simple spell Dawn, but you can help if you want." Cordelia offered.

"We should stand guard." Buffy suggested, indicating that she was speaking to Angel, Gunn and Connor. "Just in case we are attacked. If Adamson knows anything, he knows it was the four of us that were responsible. I don't like the idea of him coming after anybody else, especially Dawn."

"Good idea." Angel agreed. "We'll patrol the perimeter of the hotel in teams until everything is ready."

Connor looked towards Gunn and began to speak.

"I'll go with..."

"You'll come with me." Angel replied firmly. Connor looked as if he were about to protest, but Angel continued, interrupting him. "Buffy and I are the strongest warriors here. It only makes sense for the two of us to be on different teams. Your fighting style mirrors mine Connor. Gunn's is more like Buffy's. It will work better this way."

Connor wanted to protest further, but a look from both Dawn and Buffy told him that it wouldn't be a good idea. Nodding, he set his mouth in a firm line and followed Angel towards the door.

"Angel you two take the back of the building, Gunn and I will take the front. Fred and Lorne can let us know if they come up with anything that will get this demon to talk. How long will it take to enchant the weapon?"

"With the spell and instructions Willow gave us, it shouldn't take too long." Cordelia informed them, slightly relieved that Angel and Buffy would be on different patrol teams. "About half an hour at the most."

"Good." Buffy replied. She gestured to Gunn to follow her and gave Angel a coded look that pleaded with him to be careful of both external and internal dangers. She still did not fully trust Connor not to attempt to harm his father. Angel understood her glance and managed a brief nod and a half smile. "You guys get to work. We can't afford to lose any time."


	29. Jealousy

"OK, I've got the sage, the birch bark, and the....what did you say this was again?"

"Eye of Racknor demon." Cordelia replied with a grimace. "Why is it that Willow's spells always have eyes in the ingredients? Is this a thing with her or something?"

"I'll mention it to her when I get back to Sunnydale." Dawn said with a laugh.

"Do you know when that will be?" Cordelia wondered, trying her best to sound casual.

"Buffy has no idea when this will be over." Dawn replied, noticing the anxious look on Cordelia's face. "Believe me, she isn't leaving until this is all over. Is everything OK? I mean, we're not cramping your style or anything are we?"

"Of course not Dawn," Cordelia assured her. "It's just....I worry about Angel when she's around. He doesn't always think straight."

"That's not Buffy's fault." Dawn said, immediately jumping to her sister's defense. The antagonism towards her here in LA was starting to really get to Dawn. "And I don't think that Angel's mind is being manipulated. He's just trying to help."

"I know you want to defend her Dawn," Cordelia said patiently, as if speaking to a four year old, "but you didn't see everything that happened in Sunnydale. You can't see what's happening here!"

"Maybe I wasn't always around when you guys were hanging out at the Bronze, or angst-ing things up all the time, but don't think that I can't see what's going on." Dawn fixed Cordelia with a steady, unwavering gaze. "You're jealous of her aren't you?"

"You don't know what you're talking about." Cordelia said, shaking her head. "I'm worried about Angel. I don't think Buffy is above manipulating him to get what she wants, that's all."

"Would you listen to yourself?" Dawn exclaimed, unable to believe what Cordelia was saying. "I know you and Buffy didn't really get along all the time, but you of all people can't deny that they loved each other. Don't you think that anything he does for her now is a result of that? Even if they aren't together, even if they have indeed moved on with their lives and moved on to different people, don't you think that Angel wouldn't do this anyway, simply because he respects her?"

"There's more than simple respect there and we both know it." Cordelia exclaimed angrily. "She says jump and he says how high! It's like she's..."

"She's the slayer!" Dawn yelled. "Her job is to protect the world from evil here and you're acting like some immature jealous..."

"I don't need to hear this from a child!" Cordelia seethed, turning away from Dawn, trying to ignore the small voice inside her that told her she was acting like more of a child than Dawn.

"Well I think you need to hear it from someone." Dawn said, taking a calming breath and trying to keep from losing her temper. "My sister came here looking for a demon. She didn't come here with the intention to disrupt or inconvenience your life and I'm sorry if you haven't changed enough to recognize that. She didn't ask for Angel's help, but he offered it. Whatever reasons he had for doing that don't really matter right now when you stop to consider the larger picture. That's the fact that we are doing good. We're helping people. That's Buffy's job and that's Angel's job. I thought it was yours too."

Cordelia felt her cheeks automatically flush red with embarrassment as she realized that the sixteen year old sitting in front of her was right. Turning away, she found herself ashamed at the way she had acted, realizing that Dawn hit the nail right on the head when she accused her of being jealous. It hurt that she was seemingly losing Angel, and what hurt more was knowing that she couldn't do anything about it. Eventually the silence of the room got to be too much for her and she turned back to look at Dawn who was busy readying the spell to enchant the weapon, purposefully ignoring Cordelia.

"Dawn, I'm sorry, I..."

"Let's just do the spell OK?"


	30. A Father's anguish

The air was thick with tension as Connor and Angel patrolled the rear of the hotel, keeping watch for anything that might look like an attack on the hotel. It was clear Connor resented being forced to work with his father and Angel, despite his earlier hopes that this would help the two of them reach an understanding was beginning to doubt that the two of them would ever be anything but enemies.

"Keep an eye on those bushes," he warned Connor softly. "They're large enough to conceal small groups."

"I know what I'm doing." Connor responded stiffly. "I don't need your help."

"You don't know everything Connor." Angel told him calmly. "Why won't you let me teach you?"

"I've been taught by someone." Connor replied, his voice soft, even vulnerable in the darkness. "Without his teaching I wouldn't have survived this long."

"I'm grateful to Holtz in a lot of ways Connor." Angel admitted. "Most of all for keeping you safe. We had our differences, but..."

"Don't talk about him as if he were someone you knew!" Connor hissed suddenly. "You didn't know him, you didn't know him at all! All you did was hurt him. Him and his family. I was all he had."

"You weren't his Connor," Angel reminded him patiently. "He took you away from me as an infant. He stole you! You are my son, not his."

"And what about his son?" Connor shot back, his voice rising with emotion, despite the fact that they were supposed to be patrolling silently. If Buffy and Gunn heard them from their positions they didn't let it show. "You stole his son away from him! You killed his whole family, you monster! At least Holtz kept me alive. He loved me the way he couldn't love his own son and it's all your fault."

"You're right it is." Angel said, his shoulders slumping with a weariness he had thought he wasn't capable of anymore. "And I feel the pain of his loss every day that I live, can you understand that? I pay for my crimes, what about his? Taking you away from me only hurt you Connor. Do you think you would have spent so many years in Quartoth if it weren't for him? Do you think that if I had raised you it would have been there? It was Holtz who took you into that place not me. He may have cared for you, but it was only to hurt me. The fact that you remain loyal to him is his ultimate revenge can't you see that? Even after he's dead he can go on hurting me!"

"You're wrong!" Connor yelled, clenching his fists, refusing to believe Angel's words. "It's not his fault I was there, it can't be! He took care of me, he helped me survive!"

"Do you think that doesn't mean he didn't jump into that portal?" Angel exclaimed, wanting desperately to get through to his son, to break through that barrier that Holtz had so carefully constructed. "If he hadn't taken you, if you had been here with me where you belong..."

"You weren't there!" Connor burst out, unable to stop the tears from cascading down his face. "I was stuck in that horrible place for eighteen years and you weren't there! But he was. He was there. He kept me alive, can you understand that? He showed me how to survive, he raised me, he LOVED ME. I was in hell and YOU WEREN'T THERE!"

"Do you think I didn't want to be there?" Angel cried, taking three large steps towards his son and grabbing him swiftly by the shoulders, desperately wanting to hold the boy, but knowing he was far too volatile at the moment for such an act. "Do you think I wanted you to go through that without me? Do you think I didn't do everything I could to save you? To keep him from jumping into that portal? When he went through I ran after him and I tried desperately to go in after you, did you know that? I would have jumped into Quartoth in a heartbeat if I could. I would have moved Heaven and Earth to get you out. Holtz put you in that place Connor, not me."

He touched his son's chin gently and raised his head so that the two of them were staring into each other's eyes. Connor was still crying softly.

"Not me, Connor."

"He was all I had in the world." Connor whispered softly. "All I had for eighteen years and now he's gone and all that's left is the man he hated more than anything else. The man he had taught me was responsible for us being in that hell place. Now I'm hear and he's not and I'm scared. How can I trust you? How can I betray him like that?"

"Acknowledging that I'm your father is not a betrayal Connor." Angel told him gently. "It's the truth. This world is harsh. Harsher than Quartoth in some ways. I've been to a hell dimension before, don't assume that I don't know what it's like. I do. I was there for hundreds of years and you know who put me there?"

"Who?" Connor asked, intrigued, despite himself. Angel smiled slightly.

"Buffy." He told him. Connor blanched, unable to believe his ears.

"Buffy? She sent you to..."

"I don't know what the name of the hell dimension she sent me to was, but she did send me there." He sighed and moved away from his son, putting his hands in his pockets. He then proceeded to tell the story of how Buffy had to do her duty despite the fact that it meant sending him to hell. Connor listened with rapt attention, unable to believe the things his father was telling him.

"You were really there for hundreds of years?" Connor asked, forgetting to be hostile for the first time in a long while. Angel nodded. "Why....why did you forgive her? She betrayed you. You had your soul back and she..."

"She did what she had to do, she didn't betray me at all." Angel explained. "What happened to me wasn't my fault and it wasn't hers, but she didn't have any other choice. She had to save the world and I had to go to a hell dimension in order for that to happen. I don't blame her for what she did to me. She's a slayer first and foremost and it was her job to sacrifice me. I envy her strength Connor. If I were in her position....well, I couldn't do it let's just leave it at that."

"You couldn't?" Connor echoed. "So if it were me..."

"I couldn't." Angel stated once more. "I couldn't willingly send anyone I loved to a place like that, job or not. I just couldn't."

Connor was silent for a good long while, taking in everything his father had said, trying desperately to make sense of it all.

"Dawn says....she says you two still love each other." His eyes met Angel's and it looked as if Connor for once wanted his genuine advice on something. "Do you? Love her?"

"With everything I am, I do." Angel whispered, desperately trying to hold back the flood of emotion that accompanied those words. "God help me, I always will. I'm doomed that way."

"What about Cordelia?" Connor wondered. "Don't you love her?"

"I do," Angel admitted. "But it's a different kind of love."

"How is it different?" Connor was genuinely confused.

"The way I love Cordelia is different because it's...easier...comfortable...safe." Angel finally replied, hating himself for admitting it out loud. "I can't hurt her, or anyone else if I love her."

"But your soul..."

"Is only lost if I achieve one moment of perfect happiness." Angel clarified. He looked to the ground, as if ashamed to speak his next words, even aloud. "That only happened with Buffy. That CAN only happen with Buffy. Even if Cordelia and I were to....she's safe. That's why I can love her. She's safe."

"She doesn't consume you like Buffy does." Connor stated, sounding for once, far wiser than his years. Angel looked up at him, stunned at Connor's ability to grasp the true nature of the situation. He shook his head, hating himself for the way he had treated Cordelia.

"No, she doesn't. She can't."

"What if..." Connor paused, unsure of how to continue. "How do you know that you've met someone that can consume you? I mean, how did you know that Buffy was...that you loved her the way you did?"

"I saw her, and I knew." Angel told him with a simple shrug of his shoulders. "There was just something about her I knew I loved. Connor is there someone...are you trying to ask me..."

"I'm not trying to ask anything," Connor replied, turning abruptly away and folding his arms across his chest. "I just wanted to know about her. She is Dawn's sister. She's the slayer. She intrigues me that's all."

"Dawn's sister..." Angel murmured thoughtfully. It was becoming obvious to him that Dawn meant more to Connor than even he had suspected. "Connor is Dawn..."

"We're being too loud." Connor said firmly. "Let's just patrol."


	31. Taste test

Once the ingredients were laid out, the actual task of enchanting the weapon was quite simple. Dawn and Cordelia worked on it in near silence, both unable to keep their minds off the argument they had had.

Once they were finished, they exited the bedroom in which they had performed the ritual and headed down to the main lobby where Lorne and Fred could be found, attempting to concoct a truth potion that worked.

"All right Lorne, open up and we'll try it again." Fred was holding a teaspoon of a very nasty looking liquid that, judging from Lorne's expression likely tasted worse than it looked.

"Aw c'mon Fred, I have a weak stomach." Lorne protested, grimacing at the potion that she encouraged him to drink. "Can't we take a break or something?"

"We have to get this working Lorne," Fred said, a little impatiently. "It's not that bad."

"Oh easy for your to say," Lorne muttered to himself, "you haven't been downing shots of this sludge for the last twenty minutes. Just because I'm a demon doesn't mean my stomach is made of cast iron you know."

"This is the last try I promise." Fred exclaimed. "I'm almost certain I got the mixture right this time."

"You better hope so," Lorne warned her. "One more taste test and I'm going to toss my cookies and let me tell you sweat-pea, Pylean stomach contents are less pretty than you think."

"I know," Fred said with a shudder. "I lived there for five years remember?"

"Let's just get this over with," Lorne said, trying to hurry the torture up. Fred nodded and administered the teaspoon of the potion into Lorne's mouth. Cordelia and Dawn watched as he gagged a moment and then, miraculously his eyes glazed over and his jaw went slack.

"Did it work?" Dawn asked, her voice awed slightly. Fred looked up, finally noticing the two of them were there.

"I don't know." She answered honestly. "The last seven times he tried the stuff he was perfectly normal and able to lie. Obviously this time it's different. I just hope it's different in the 'the potion worked' way and not the 'Lorne is a vegetable' way. I'm still sorta new to this potion brewing thing."

"Ask him a question." Cordelia suggested. "Let's test it out."

"OK..." Fred thought for a moment, searching her mind for a question that Lorne would definitely lie about on a regular basis.

"What do you think of Angel's singing voice Lorne?" Cordelia interrupted before Fred could ask a question. "Does he have any talent?"

"Sweet merciful heavens no!" Lorne exclaimed, "that man's voice is about as pleasant as a flesh eating virus!"

"I think it worked Fred." Dawn said with a snicker. "Hey, you don't think I could borrow this stuff and take it home do you? I mean what better way to find out if a guy likes you than..."

"Sorry Dawn, you can't." Fred replied apologetically. "This only works on demons. If a human were to drink it, it would be deadly."

"What about a human version of this potion?" Dawn wondered. "Surely there's one out there..."

Fred shook her head.

"Lorne and I looked through all the books. Apparently truth potions only work on demons, not humans."

"Well that certainly blows." Dawn muttered in annoyance. "Who makes up these laws of the universe anyway? I'd like to have a talk with them."

"OK, so we've got it right?" Cordelia said impatiently. "Shouldn't we get the others in here and get on with questioning this demon before we get attacked or whatever?"

"Cordelia's right, we should get this over with as soon as possible." Fred agreed. Dawn was still staring at Lorne, her expression contemplative.

"What about him? How long is this going to last?"

"I don't know." Fred finally admitted. "The book didn't say anything about the time limit."

"You mean this could be permanent?" Dawn exclaimed. Fred's face went stark white as she pondered the concept.

"I...I guess..." She trailed off, then shook her head. "No way, it'll wear off eventually, I'm sure of it."

However, as the gang headed towards the door to call Buffy, Gunn, Angel and Connor inside, none of them looked entirely sure.


	32. We're not friends

Buffy and Gunn paced back and forth in front of the hotel, attempting to shut out the argument they could hear waging between Connor and Angel. Even though Buffy felt it probably wasn't the greatest time to be engaging in a shouting match while they were supposed to be watching for danger, the idea of intervening between them was also one that didn't really appeal to her in the slightest. It was obvious Gunn thought so as well because when Buffy looked at him, he shrugged and turned away from their direction, muttering something to himself about hoping Angel would give Connor a good spanking.

"Do they do this often?" Buffy wondered out loud.

"Not really. I mean instead of shouting out their problems, one just usually attacks the other. Course if that happens I might just join in and help tip the scales...put junior at the bottom of the Pacific this time."

"You really think Connor would try something like that a second time?" Buffy asked, wondering if she had been wrong in trusting him with Dawn. Was he that unpredictable? What could growing up in a hell dimension do to a person?

"Naw," Gunn replied with a reluctant smile. "Kid may piss me off, but he had our back the other day so it redeems him a little."

"It's a good thing he was there." Buffy acknowledged.

"You too," Gunn said, turning the focus of the conversation away from Connor. "I mean you were impressive with the ass kicking and all."

"Nothing special," Buffy replied with a shrug. "I'm the slayer. It's what we do."

"Nevertheless girl, you got skills." Gunn insisted. "Glad you're on our side. A slayer turned bad is something I would not want to see."

"Yea, it isn't pretty." Buffy said softly. Gunn looked to her, confused.

"Sorry?"

"Long story." Buffy replied with a frown. "They've stopped yelling. What do you think that means?"

"Hmm, well, either they've managed to solve their differences and had a big father-son hug, or one of them just killed the other one." Gunn replied, only half joking. "You think we should go check it out?"

"No, I don't want to intrude on anything," Buffy hesitated. "I mean, this isn't my turf, you know? Angel might not want me interfering."

"Seems to me, your interference is the only kind that wouldn't tick him off." Gunn commented casually. He had heard the story of their relationship second hand from both Wesley and Cordelia, but that was a completely different experience, than seeing the vibe between the two of them up close and personal. Gunn had his assumptions about certain feelings that Angel still harboured for Buffy and was curious as to whether she felt the same or not.

"What do you mean?" Buffy questioned, feeling suddenly defensive. Could Gunn see past the hardened exterior she had created for herself? Was she that transparent? Could he see everything? Could he see her pain?

"Hey, not trying to stick my nose where it don't belong or anything," Gunn said, throwing his hands in the air in a gesture of surrender. "It just seems to me that there's more between you two than meets the eye. I mean, I may not know you, but I know Angel and the way he looks at you....but hey, if you tell me you're just friends then I'll believe you."

Buffy smiled, trying to cover the sharp blow she suddenly felt to her gut. Gunn had seen Angel looking at her? How? She was suddenly overcome with a wave of longing for him so strong that it nearly physically crippled her. Turning away, she remembered Spike's words almost as vividly as if he were right there, speaking them to her personally. _You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love until it kills you both. And you'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends._

Spike had been right of course. In the end, they couldn't just remain friends. Even now, when they saw each other, she couldn't classify Angel as a friend. She could put him in every other category...lover, enemy, fighter, ex, but not a friend. Never a friend. Maybe that's what he had with Cordelia that was making her so insanely jealous ever since showing up in LA....the indefinable dynamic that the two of them had never shared....never could share....friendship.

She was suddenly furious at the unfairness of it all. Why, on top of everything else she had lost, should she be robbed of the ability to build a safe, harmless friendship with the man she had loved more than anything else in the world. She would die for him in a heartbeat if she had to and yet they couldn't even be in the same room together without being reminded of their inability to be anything more than two lovers, forced apart.

"Buffy?" Gunn's voice was questioning, apologetic even. "Did I say something wrong? Sometimes my foot jumps into my mouth before I can stop it. We cool?"

"Yea, it's no problem." She replied, repressing her thoughts and turning back to face him. "Angel and I are friends." _Can he tell how badly I'm lying?_

"Hey Buffy?" Dawn opened the front door of the hotel hesitantly and called out to her sister who was talking rather intently it seemed with Gunn. She turned upon hearing her voice, looking relieved somehow to see her.

"Everything ready to go?" Buffy asked, she and Gunn heading towards her. Dawn nodded.

"Cordy and I enchanted the weapon and Fred made up the potion, although I think she might have killed Lorne in doing it."

"Huh?" Gunn said, kind of confused. Dawn waved the comment away with her hand.

"Either way, they are ready to interrogate the demon. You want me to call Angel and Connor inside?"

"Is that really a good idea?" Gunn wondered to Buffy. "I mean, they were gettin' kind of..."

"No, it's good." Buffy said with a nod. Dawn smiled and headed around the side of the hotel. Buffy looked back at Gunn. "Connor likes Dawn. They get along well."

Gunn nodded and the two of them headed inside the hotel. Briefly he wondered if that was the real reason Buffy didn't want to go around to the back and tell Angel herself that they were ready, then brushed the thought aside. It was none of his business how she felt for Angel, or how Connor felt for Dawn as long as it didn't interfere with the mission.


	33. Square one

Buffy and Gunn were already inside when Angel and Connor entered, Dawn trailing behind them. The first thing Angel noticed was Lorne, sitting in the chair near the main desk, eyes glazed and mouth open.

"God Fred, what did you do to him?" Angel wondered, looking at Lorne worriedly. Fred smiled nervously.

"I had to test the potion on someone and it couldn't be a human. It worked, I just don't know when it wears off, that's all."

"But it will wear off, right?" Connor asked. Fred again, smiled nervously.

"Yea, I think so. Shouldn't we be getting to work? I mean that Brillcrall demon isn't going to question itself!"

"She's right." Angel agreed, suddenly all business. "Fred, why don't you stay up here and try to figure out the time limit on this potion or reverse it all together."

"I'll help her." Dawn offered. She wanted to be of use to the gang, but she had seen that demon in the basement and wasn't too keen on being anywhere near it, sedated or not.

"I'll stay up here too." Connor declared, his eyes daring Angel or Buffy to challenge him. "Just in case Adamson has any ideas about sending his henchmen in. Someone should stand guard."

"Good idea." Angel nodded, realizing that forcing Connor to be in his presence any further would push away whatever sort of bond they may have begun to cultivate outside. "You stay on guard. Cordy, maybe you should..."

"No!" Cordelia interrupted firmly. Angel looked at her in surprise. "I know what you're going to say Angel and I'm not going to do it. I'm not staying up here while you guys go question this thing. I'm sick of being treated as if I'm in the way or worse, helpless. I'm part of this team, and I'm going downstairs with you guys."

"Cordy, I didn't mean to imply you were helpless..." Angel stuttered, a little shocked at the depth of hurt and anger he saw in her eyes. Had he been treating her as an inconvenience since this thing began? Had he been deliberately keeping her away from Buffy so as to assuage his own guilt at the realization that what he had been feeling for Cordelia recently paled in comparison to the overwhelming strength of his feelings for Buffy?

"Angel, can we do this later? We might not have much time." Buffy's voice was soft and tightly controlled. Angel glanced at her in concern, knowing that she was battling some emotions herself. He wished he could ask her what was wrong, touch her cheek, anything to show his strength was hers if she needed it, but instead he simply smiled and headed towards the basement, Buffy, Cordelia and Gunn following close behind.

If the Brillcrall demon had been in a bad mood earlier when they were torturing it, it had only managed to increase ten fold in the half hour or so that they group had been gone. It snarled, and snapped and struggled with all the strength it contained to break free.

"Angel? How we gonna get that thing to take his medicine?" Gunn wondered as he watched the demon's snarls get louder and more animal like the closer they got. "I don't think he's just gonna open up and say 'ahh', even if we tell him that the spoon's an airplane."

"You're right," Angel agreed. "We're going to have to knock him unconscious. Buffy, do you want to do the honours, or shall I?"

Buffy, sharing his train of thought, had already picked up a large, pipe that lay in the corner and began advancing towards the demon.

"It'll be my pleasure, really." She said with a grim smile.

"Careful," Angel cautioned uselessly. Before he knew it, Buffy had hefted the pipe over her head and hit the demon with just enough force to knock him out. Smiling, she looked to the others proudly.

"Sometimes I really enjoy this job."

"Why didn't you use the tranquilizer?" Cordelia wondered, looking towards the location of the gun laying on the table. Buffy's smile vanished and she looked a little embarrassed.

"Guess I got carried away."

"You still got it done," Gunn replied with a shrug. "Angel hand me the potion. I'll feed it to him."

Angel tossed the vile to Gunn, who opened it, and poured the contents into the unconscious demon's mouth.

It took another fifteen minutes for the demon to recover, and when it did so Buffy, Angel, Gunn and Cordelia were relieved that the potion did indeed work the way they had hoped. They began the questioning immediately, hoping to get as much out of the beast as possible.

"You were hired by a man named James Adamson," Angel began, his tone purely business like. "Why?"

"He wanted me to take out a daycare center," the Brillcrall replied. "Needed someone who would follow orders and work cheaply."

"Why a daycare center?" Buffy asked, "why would he want twelve children dead?"

"All I know is that it's part of something larger." The Brillcrall intoned. "Something he's been working on for a while. There are stages to his plan and my daycare job was just the first. It had to be a sacrifice of heartbreaking proportions. He figured the daycare qualified."

"He wasn't wrong," Cordelia murmured, struck by the cruelty of the act.

"Did he have any other jobs for you in the future?" Gunn asked, trying to put all the pieces of this sick puzzle together.

"He did," the Brillcrall confirmed, "but he hadn't told me what they were yet. He said he would contact me when the time was right. That's why I was living in that warehouse."

"Is there anything else you can tell us about Adamson's plan?" Angel asked the demon, growing more and more frustrated by the second that the Brillcrall didn't have any actual information that would be of use to them. Was this what they had gone through all this trouble for? A vague statement of 'this is just the beginning'?

"That is all I know." The Brillcrall repeated. "I didn't ask for any details and he didn't give any. It was how our contract worked."

"Smart." Angel muttered to himself more than anyone else.

"He's covered his tracks well," Buffy agreed. "I know what you're thinking Angel, but this wasn't useless. We caught the thing that murdered those kids, that's something. It looks like he's told us everything he can. I say we kill him now."

"I'm for it." Gunn said darkly. "Where's the weapon you guys put the whammy on?"

"Here," Cordelia said, handing it to Angel. "You have to get him in the neck, otherwise it won't work."

Angel turned and without any ceremony whatsoever handed it to Buffy. He didn't say anything, but Buffy understood the meaning in his eyes. _You came here to kill it not me,_ they seemed to say, _this is your reward._

Buffy nodded and without a word, drove the knife into the neck of the demon with all the strength she possessed. In his dazed state, the demon didn't even scream. His body convulsed for a moment or two and then surprisingly, melted into a puddle of what looked like green slime.

"Gross," she heard Cordelia mutter. "It's times like these that help you appreciate vampires. I mean, you kill one of them in the house, all you need is a dust buster. This thing is going to need a mop, and maybe some disinfectant to get the smell out."

"Cleaning him up is the easy part." Buffy murmured quietly. "I'll do it."

"I'll help," Angel offered. It wasn't really a two person job, but Angel felt the sudden urge to be near her, without anyone else around. They hadn't been alone together since he asked her to stay in the hotel and although it was awkward, in some ways it was peaceful when it was just the two of them, despite whatever lingered between them emotionally.

Gunn caught the significance in Angel's offer and turned to Cordelia.

"Let's get upstairs and see if the others need a hand with anything. They should be up in a bit."

Cordelia followed Gunn reluctantly, not liking the look in Angel's eyes as he stared at Buffy one little bit. He had never looked at her that way...never.


	34. And only the slayer remains

"You know you didn't have to stay down here," Buffy told him as he handed her a mop from the closet in the corner. She began to clean up the demon's remains, careful not to look at him directly. Every time she found herself alone with him, she felt nervous and unsure. They had gone through so much, and yet a the same time been away from each other so long that she had no idea how close was too close anymore, nor did she have any clue as to how he felt even now. Did he still think about her the way she thought about him? Should she just smile and pretend that they were simply two people fighting evil that happened to know each other? Yes, that was the safest thing. Pretend they were just working together and nothing more.

"I wanted to help you out," Angel said with a shrug. "Anything I can do?"

He had noticed that whenever they spoke to one another her eyes rarely met his, and she made every effort possible not to be alone with him. It almost seemed as if she wanted nothing to do with him and even though Angel knew that was probably for the best, the urge to be close to her, to find out why she was so reserved in his presence was overwhelming.

"Honestly I'm almost done," was her reply as she kept her eyes to her task. "Why don't you go up and help Cordelia and the others?"

"Buffy....are you angry with me?" Angel wondered, stepping closer to her and watching with concern the way she stepped back. She had finished cleaning up what remained of the Brillcrall demon, but Angel wasn't about to let her get away that easily.

"Angry?" She echoed, looking slightly shocked. "No, I just...it's...we have to keep our minds on what we came here to do."

"I know." Angel agreed, "and we are doing everything we can, but I keep getting this feeling, even now that you don't want to be anywhere near me."

"You know what Angel, you're right. I don't want to be anywhere near you, can we just leave it at that?"

She put the mop down and attempted to step past him to get to the door, but was stopped when he took hold of her arm and turned her around to face him. His eyes were worried and his touch firm, letting her know he didn't intend to let go of her.

"Buffy what have I done to upset you? I don't understand."

"No you don't, do you?" She whispered, unable to keep the image of Angel and Cordelia out of her mind. She looked down at her shoes, trying to keep the tears out of her eyes. "Being around you upsets me Angel. It's why I didn't want to involve you in this. It's why I didn't call you. I try to be professional, and keep my distance and smile like you no longer get to me, but..."

"But what?" Angel's voice was soft, and neither he nor Buffy realized that while she had spoken his arms had wrapped themselves around her waist, holding her close to him. If his heart could beat, it would be doing overtime right now.

"You do get to me." She finished, her voice small and frightened. Her eyes met his, and she was no longer able to turn away. Looking at her, he was reminded suddenly of the bright, optimistic sixteen year old girl that she had been when they first met. He realized now that she wasn't lost forever, but merely hidden under layers of defenses designed to keep him or anyone else from hurting her ever again. So what was he doing now? Why was he holding her when that was the last thing that could be good for either of them? "You get to me more than you can ever know and I can't be distracted that way. It scares me. You scare me."

"A vampire scaring someone...what a crazy concept." He remarked dryly, trying to lighten the situation, wishing she would stop looking at him like that, wanting more than ever to take her in his arms and...

"See that's just what I'm talking about!" She exclaimed, wrenching herself away from him, trying not to think of how their lips had been just inches apart. "This seeing you again and knowing you, but not knowing anything about you at the same time! You used to brood like it was going out of style and now you stand here and make corny vampire jokes during a crisis? Did you suddenly take a class in inappropriate Xander humour 101?"

"Hey listen I'm not the only one who's changed Buffy!" Angel shot back angrily. "Since when do you do everything by yourself? Since when are you are you so damn self reliant that you don't go to your friends for help?"

"Is that what we are Angel? Friends? Would you really call us that, cause I don't think so."

"I think you're changing the subject." Angel said stiffly.

"I rely on me because I have to." She said firmly. "I can't afford to break down and cry on everyone's shoulder when the world is falling apart. I'm a warrior...the slayer. I can't be weak."

"And what about Buffy?" Angel wondered, running a hand through his hair, wishing he could get past the defenses and to the woman he still loved more than anything. "Where is she? Because I fell in love with her, not the slayer. Is she gone then? Did you kill her because she was weak?"

"Angel, please..." Buffy whispered, tears falling from her eyes, her entire body trembling as he brought forth emotions she had fought so hard to bury. "Stop...don't....please don't..."

Angel crossed the room, unable to bear the sight of her tears. Reaching out, he crushed her to him.

"Are you still in there Buffy?" He whispered, as she sobbed against him. His hand gently touched the top of her head, caressing her hair, kissing her forehead softly as he did so. He could feel her whimper at the touch of his lips, as if she was allowing herself to give into the girl she used to be, and abandoning the woman she now was. "You told me once Buffy that everybody is weak, that everybody fails. You taught me so much, but most of all you taught me that weakness was nothing to be ashamed of. I've tried to be strong and pretend that having you here isn't tearing me apart inside. Every instant that I see you, every moment that you look at me, you weaken me just a little bit more and I can't hide it anymore."

"Angel please, don't say these things to me," she pleaded, allowing his finger to gently tip her chin upwards to meet his gaze. She was shocked to see that he too was crying. "Please, just let me go..."

"Buffy..." Angel's protest was cut off, as she began to struggle, attempting to break free of him once more, but this time he wasn't letting her go. "Buffy please, don't hide from me like this. You're hurting yourself, can't you see?"

"Let go of me Angel!" She cried, still struggling, but unwilling to use her full strength, her subconscious not wanting to be free of him. "You let me go before, why can't you do it now? Why can't you just make it stop! Why can't you make me stop loving you? I don't want to hurt anymore, why can't I stop loving you?"

Unable to stop himself, Angel captured her lips in his, silencing her cries with a crushing, almost painful kiss. He pulled her to him, not wanting to let go in anyway, not wanting to remember all the reasons why his heart was breaking.

He pretended that the two of them were back in that day that he became human and everything had been OK. The day he had thrown away, so that she could live. He imagined he was back there and all the pain went away, leaving only her lips, her scent and her soft body pressed so willingly against his.

He moaned softly, pressing her against the wall of the basement, unable to believe how warm she was, how wonderful she tasted, how perfectly their bodies seemed to fit.

Buffy deepened the kiss and ran her hands along his broad chest, forgetting everything else in the world, but the strength of his arms, the solidness of his body and the salt of his tears as they mingled with hers, serving as the only reminder that soon this would end and only the pain would remain.

"Buffy," he whispered intensely, as he felt his body react to the way her hands were moving over his chest. She was the only one who could make him feel this way, the only one who's hands could make him want to die. His lips somehow found her neck and he kissed it softly at first, then harder, driven only by love and not the slightest bit of vampiric temptation.

His lips were doing incredible things to her, causing her breath to quicken and her arms to pull him closer. Things were getting out of hand, but it had been so long since anyone had made her feel so alive that she was loathe to stop him. She bit back a moan as the heat increased, and pulled his lips back to hers, needing the contact, the closeness, the comfort that they offered.

"I love you Angel," she murmured brokenly, feeling the tears once more and wondering if they were hers or his. "I'm not capable of loving anyone else and I hate you for that. I hate you so much..."

Angel silenced her with one more kiss before breaking free of the embrace and trying to control the heaving sobs overtaking his form. He wanted to sink to his knees and slip into blackness, but all he could do was stare heartbrokenly at the woman he had loved, the woman he had destroyed as she professed to hate him and realized that he deserved no less.

"I'm sorry Buffy," he finally said when not only the tears, but the yearnings of his own body subsided enough to allow him speech. "I didn't mean to...I just wanted to talk to you. I didn't realize that I had hurt you so much, that I was responsible for you cutting yourself off from everything."

"Angel you didn't..." She started to speak, but he cut her off, his voice harsh, his face an unreadable mask.

"Don't tell me I didn't Buffy, because I know I did! All this time, I wondered who hurt you, who made you think you have to be so tough, so strong? Who made you so damn afraid of vulnerability? I did that. On top of everything else I've done to you, I did that as well."

"What if I told you that you're wrong?" She challenged, not wanting him to see how true his statement was. "What if I told you that you don't have that kind of power over me?"

"You really think I would believe you after you kissed me like that just now?" Angel said calmly. "You can tell me you hate me as many times as you want Buffy, but what happened moments ago says it all. I'm sorry. I know it isn't much, but I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. I'm sorry for everything you've become."

"Don't!" She seethed, lifting her hand sharply as if to rebuke the apology. "Don't even think you can apologize to me for that! You can't just drop a bomb and then apologize to the victims for making it. You don't have that right."

Angel watched as she transformed instantly from the girl that he had once known, the girl who had sobbed against his chest five minutes ago, to the warrior who brooked no emotional weakness. His shoulders slumped and he knew that whatever they had just shared had been repressed in that split second. Her eyes were hard and impassive and he knew he had lost her.

"I am sorry slayer." He whispered sadly. "I shouldn't have done that. But I'm in love with Buffy and couldn't stop myself. Can you tell her that?"

Then he left the basement and climbed the stairs, the slayer watching his retreating figure and fighting back her emotions once more.


	35. Adamson's replacement

Lilah Morgan stood before her client James Adamson and inhaled nervously as he looked over the demon that she had brought to him with a critical eye. Adamson had not been happy when she had last seen him and she had paid dearly for it. Now sources from her firm had informed her (and him no doubt) that the Angel Investigations team had indeed killed the Brillcrall demon and Lilah's apprehension grew. She hoped this demon would be adequate for Adamson to finish his ritual before time ran out. _The things some men do for politics_ Lilah thought with wry amusement.

"He looks dangerous enough," Adamson muttered to himself more than anyone else. "Are you sure he's harder to kill than the Brillcrall demon?"

"Brillcralls are pathetic in comparison to my might," the demon growled. "I am Adamon...a Garlok demon and I..."

"Did I ask you to speak beast?" Adamson snapped furiously. He whirled and glared at Lilah, who had the decency to look mildly apologetic. "Can you assure me personally that he will do as I ask, and remain loyal only to me?"

"You want me to speak on his behalf?" Lilah was slightly confused. Adamson's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I am your client Ms. Morgan and if I hire him for this task, thus he becomes your client as well. I don't take risks on people who don't have as much to lose as I do. I know for a fact that you do. So tell me, would you trust this demon to be loyal to me and my cause if given the right incentive?"

"I would." Lilah said firmly. She had done her homework this time and knew that this particular breed of demon valued loyalty to the person who hired them above all else. They were largely mercenaries, and to the best of her knowledge possessed neither soul, nor moral compunction as a hindrance. They were also a damn sight harder to kill than the Brillcrall demon had been.

"Good," he replied lightly. He turned back to Adamon. "Let's get some ground rules straight beast. I don't care what your name is, or what you are. I don't care what sort of powers you possess, or how hard it is to kill you. All I care about is two things. Number one is that you are loyal to my cause and you work only for me when you are in my employ. No taking jobs on the side. Number two is that you don't ask any questions about anything I may ask you to do, no matter how horrendous. You do the job to my satisfaction and you get paid, it's that simple. Do we have a deal?"

Adamon nodded and Adamson turned away from the demon, satisfied with the answer.

"You have done well," he said to Lilah in a tone that suggested he had expected otherwise from her. "Luckily I haven't lost too much time. The mission may still be a success."

"I am glad to hear it." Lilah replied with a small sigh of relief. "What, may I ask do you plan to do to Angel and his flunkies?"

"Do you think yourself that far into my good graces that you may dare to ask me questions that I expressly forbid this beast to ask?" Adamson shot out angrily. Lilah recoiled slightly, but stood her ground after the outburst.

"I'm simply curious because of all the trouble they have caused not only me, but Wolfram and Hart as well. I have a special place of hatred in my heart reserved for the vampire and anything particularly diabolic that you can think of that wouldn't kill him would make my day to hear of it." Lilah shrugged after she spoke, indicating that a lack of an answer on Adamson's part was of no particular consequence.

Despite himself, Adamson smiled.

"The fact that you hate the vampire so fervently is cause alone for me to trust you." He glanced at the demon. "Perhaps I will tell you later, but first I need to set my new charge to his first task. I will assume you have nothing against spilling the blood of innocents?"

"It's one of my favourite past times." Adamon replied with a hungry snarl. Adamson smiled. This one would do nicely.

"Good. My plan requires a large sum of innocent blood, but at different intervals. My last demon the Brillcrall, killed twelve children at a daycare center in a small town in Sunnydale. I made the mistake of assuming that if it happened elsewhere, it could not be traced to me, but the Brillcrall was idiot enough to allow a slayer to follow him and that alone has caused me more difficulty than I need right now. This ritual however requires even more blood spilt in its name, but children must not be the target this time. Come closer beast and listen to your first duty...."


	36. Rebellion

"How's Lorne doing?" Angel asked, exiting the basement and startling all of those upstairs. Cordelia was the first to note that his voice shook slightly, his hair was a mess and his face was haggard and care worn, moreso than usual. _Has he been crying? _Cordelia wondered inwardly. _What fresh hell has Buffy put him through this time? _

"Well we have some good news there at least," Fred told them with a smile. "This truth potion should wear off in a matter of hours. I only gave him a little, so it should be less than most. He will be fine."

"That is good news." Angel acknowledged. He was attempting to ignore the concerned looks that Cordelia was shooting his way. The last thing he needed right now was her pity. "And it's possibly the only good news we have right now. The Brillcrall demon is dead and we now have no more leads on what Adamson is up to."

"Where's Buffy?" Dawn wondered, not noticing the look on Angel's face. "Is she downstairs?"

Angel nodded darkly and Dawn headed towards the basement. He put a hand out to stop her before she could open the door.

"You might want to stay up here for a little bit Dawnie," Angel cautioned, "I think she wants to be alone right now."

Dawn smiled at Angel, warmed slightly by the use of the endearment generally voiced only by Buffy and headed back to stand beside Connor.

"So what do we do now?" Cordelia asked, more curious than ever as to what had transpired in that basement. "We've lost our only lead."

Angel allowed himself one more sorrowful glance towards the basement door before hardening both his heart and his resolve and turning back to the gang. They needed his leadership right now, not his heartbreak in their laps. It was time to take some action against Adamson, with or without Buffy by his side.

"Now, we find a new lead." He declared. He looked around the room to see who was and who wasn't usable in his task.

"We'll split up." He said decisively. "Three patrols covering as much ground as they can to find information on both James Adamson and his connection with Wolfram and Hart."

"Oooh, boy I like the plans that involve bustin' some demon ass to get information." Gunn said excitedly. Fred smiled at him, before turning her attention back to Angel.

"Gunn, you can cover the west end, Cordelia and I will take the east."  
"What about me?" Connor wondered, casting aside his sullen, unco-operative demeanor and allowing his father to take charge of the situation. "What can I do?"

"Connor, yours is the most difficult task of all." Angel confessed. "I want you to see if you can break into Lilah Morgan's office inside Wolfram and Hart and see what you can find out about James Adamson or his plan. I would do it myself if they didn't have vampire safeguards that would announce my presence."

"And me?" Dawn questioned, knowing already what the answer would most likely be.

"You can stay here and help Fred with Lorne, or at least watch him till he comes out of it," Angel replied, confirming her suspicions. "Also if Buffy comes back upstairs soon, let her know the new plan of action and give her Gunn's cell phone number if she wants to help in the patrols. She can work with him."

"Sounds good to me. I got no problems having a slayer at my back." Gunn said easily. Angel nodded.

"Alright, let's head out people."

"I'll head out in a sec," Connor promised the others. "I want to grab some things just in case they have some tough alarms to get past. You guys go ahead."

Angel nodded and watched his son head up the stairs towards the room Fred had told him he could stay in for the time being, no doubt to retrieve weapons. As soon as he was upstairs, he left the hotel, followed by Gunn and Cordelia. Once outside, the pair parted company with Gunn and headed towards their respective parts of the city to attend to their task. Dawn was left alone with Fred and not very happy about it.

"So Dawn do you want to play cards or something?" Fred wondered. "It's going to be a while before they get back I bet."

Dawn shook her head, suddenly immensely bored with her usual role of sit at home and wait for the hunter-gatherers to return. _It's time I do what I came here to do, despite their objections and help out,_ she thought to herself. Smiling and Fred, she attempted to excuse herself from her presence.

"I'm just going to head up to my room and go to sleep I think, OK?" She asked. Fred nodded, completely unsuspecting. "If Buffy comes up, give her Angel's message for me OK?" Again, Fred nodded and Dawn slipped up the stairs and into her room.

Once in there, she opened her window and peered outside, hoping the drop the ground was not significant. It wasn't and Dawn slipped her feet over the windowsill, closed her eyes and leapt to the ground.

Standing, she brushed herself off and headed in the direction that she thought Connor might have gone. If he was breaking into Wolfram and Hart tonight, so was she.


	37. Not helpless

It didn't take Dawn too long to catch up to Connor. Soon she was directly behind him, trying to think of the best excuse she could come up with for following him and endangering herself against everyone else's wishes. She was about to speak up and let him know she was there, when he suddenly whirled to face her, crossbow pointed right at her heart.

"Dawn!" He exclaimed with a mixture of anger and shock. "You really have to stop doing that! That's the second time I almost killed you!"

"Yea, but this time you stopped yourself so it's like you're improving..." Dawn offered lamely. He smiled slightly and lowered the crossbow.

"It's a natural reaction," he explained, "for somebody from Quartoth to shoot first and ask questions, well...never if the shot did what it was supposed to do. There are a lot of things I have to unlearn from that dimension. It's gonna take some time."

Dawn smiled, having the feeling that he meant more than he was letting on, hoping that finally he was beginning to consider Angel in a more objective light. He smiled back at her, caught up in it and then, almost instantly his face closed off and his eyes hardened.

"What are you doing out here anyway?" He wondered. "Angel told you to stay at the hotel with Fred and I doubt Buffy would want you out wandering the streets by yourself."

"I'm not by myself," Dawn corrected firmly, "I'm with you and Angel has no say in where I go or what I do and as for Buffy....well, she's too caught up in the usual Angel angst-a-thon to notice I snuck out...at least for now. I want to come with you to Wolfram and Hart."

"Oh no, no way!" Connor objected. "This is going to be really dangerous. I can't expose you to that. They would kill me...then you."

"When did you become the good soldier?" Dawn asked with a wry smile. Connor realized she was joking and allowed himself a smile as well. "Look, I will take full blame here. I'm sick of sitting at the hotel doing nothing! That isn't what I cam here for! I came here to help."

"What if we get caught?" Connor argued. "If I'm compromised it's of no real consequence, I'm sure that's why Angel sent me, but you...you Dawn. You have people who love you deeply and don't want to see you hurt. People like Cordelia, Angel, your sister..." _And me,_ he thought, but didn't voice it.

"You honestly think that's why Angel sent you on this mission?" Dawn said in surprise, unable to believe how alone Connor perceived himself to be. "You think he sent you because it's not going to matter if you're killed?"

"I know it," Connor said softly, feeling for the first time a stab of sharp pain at the knowledge that his father had no problems sending him on a mission that could mean his death. What was happening to him? Since when did he care what Angel thought?

"It isn't!" Dawn vehemently exclaimed. Connor looked a little surprised at her blatant display of emotion. "Connor I want to come with you not only to help the mission, but to help keep you safe as well. You know I'm not useless...you're probably the only one who knows. And Angel loves you, despite what you choose to think. He sent you on this mission because he knows you have the skills to get it done without getting caught and because he knows that he can't do it himself. He trusts you to come back to him with the information he needs and I don't want to see anything happen to you. I care about you. Can you believe that?"

"I..." Connor paused, unable to hold back the flood of emotion he suddenly felt as he stared into the eyes of the only person other than Holtz who had seemed to care about him so strongly, possibly even love him. And what about Angel? Was what she said about him true? Their argument earlier had softened Connor a little bit towards his father, but how could he be sure he was trustworthy when everything inside him told him he would be abandoning Holtz if he did so? "Dawn, I..."

"Let me come with you Connor." She persisted, stepping closer and gently touching his arm. A jolt of electricity shot through him at the feel of her touch and the depth of caring in her eyes. "Let me do what I came here for and help. You know I can, don't you?"

"Yes," he finally said when he was able to form words again. "Just try to be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you Dawn."

"Me either," she said with a wink, in an attempt to cover up the shiver that was running through her. "I'm kind of fond of me."

"Me too," Connor whispered to himself as Dawn went on ahead.


	38. Child's farewell

"So what was that all about back at the hotel?" Cordelia blurted out, unable to contain her curiosity any longer. They had been patrolling for about twenty minutes in silence, which to Cordelia had been the longest, most agonizing twenty minutes of her life.

"What was what back at the hotel?" Angel wondered. Cordelia fixed him with a steady and somewhat unnerving gaze, for Angel knew precisely what it meant.

"Cut the crap Angel," she told him. "You do innocent-face about as well as I do tact."

"Nothing happened." Angel said quietly, realizing she had called him on the innocence act, but not wanting to admit anything beyond that.

"When we left you in that basement you were fine. When you came up stairs not even ten minutes later, you looked...well you looked the way you used to...when she was around all the time."

"This isn't about her." Angel snapped.

"Then who else flipped the heartbreak button on your face down there Angel?" Cordelia retorted. "Did the water heater break up with you?"

"Nobody broke up," he said, calming down slightly, but still angered by Cordelia's persistence. "We aren't together. I guess I forgot that for a minute, but don't worry, she reminded me of it rather effectively."

"Angel you made the decision to leave her and come here." Cordelia reminded him gently. "Maybe she hasn't gotten over the fact that you didn't consult her about it."

She touched his arm in a silent gesture of support, wondering all the while, why she was attempting to reassure him when it came to Buffy. The last thing she wanted was to see Angel unhappy and slightly selfishly the last thing she wanted was to see them reunited. Would he never get over her?

"It's more than that," Angel said with a shake of his head, completely oblivious to Cordelia's thoughts. "I mean I know my leaving affected her, but...I guess I don't know what else has. We've been leading different lives now for four years and sometimes...well, sometimes it seems like it's Buffy again you know? We're fighting together and everything is the way it used to be, and other times, it's like we've never met. She's this totally different person and I'm not sure I like the person she's become. She's harsher, stronger, completely closed off to me."

"You've changed too Angel." Cordelia told him. "So have I. I mean, if I were the same self absorbed rich bitch that I was back in grade ten, well something would be wrong there wouldn't it? People change. Experiences either strengthen you or weaken you. You can't be there for every bad thing that happens to her, no matter how badly you want to be. She is a woman now, and she's able to stand on her own. Maybe you two have just changed too much to ever really relate."

"No," Angel said with an adamant shake of his head. "I won't believe that. She's Buffy. No matter what has happened to her, or what she's gone through, the girl I loved is still in there. I know it."

"Maybe," Cordelia consented, "but maybe you should just leave her buried deep inside. What good will it do either her or you now to bring her out? Nothing has changed. Do you want to hurt her even more?"

"God no!" Angel exclaimed. "Hurting her is the last thing I ever wanted and ironically enough it's the only thing I ever seem to do. I just....I mourn the loss of the girl I knew, and I fear the woman she has become."

"Is that really it Angel?" Cordelia asked him seriously, "or do you just mourn the loss of the girl? Maybe you loved her because she was just a child and needed your protection to some extent. I realize that she was the slayer and didn't need it physically, but emotionally...well you protected her from the horrors life had to offer. She doesn't need that now. Is that what is killing you inside? The fact that she's grown-up?"

"You make it sound like I only loved her because she was a child!" Angel said angrily, "that I'm some sort of demented..."

"I didn't mean for it to sound that way," Cordelia started to say, not wanting to make him angry. He interrupted her, eyes blazing, voice low and harsh.

"I loved Buffy because she was a beautiful person in every way. It wasn't because of her age, and she was never a child just for the record. She was the slayer. She wasn't allowed to be a child. The fact that she's a woman now, or apparently no longer needs my support has nothing to do with it. She's hiding from who she is, trying to stay as far away from the world as possible. How healthy is that?"

His voice dropped and his shoulders sagged with burden, as if recalling the conversation they had just had in the basement.

"I want to take some of that pain away. You're right when you say I want to help her, but only because I know I am partially responsible. I wounded her more deeply than I will ever know and it's tearing me apart inside." He drew a shuddering breath and then spoke so quietly Cordelia had difficulties hearing him. "I still love her Cordelia."

Cordelia swallowed the lump building in her throat as the weight of Angel's statement crashed down upon her shoulders. She loved him with all her heart and even though she knew he could never give his heart to her as fully as he had to Buffy, hearing him say those words out loud, was crushing nonetheless. _Does he even realize? _She wondered to herself.

"I know you do," she half whispered. She wanted to say more. She wanted to erase the pain in his eyes, or the sadness in his voice, but knew it was impossible. There was only one person who could inflict such pain and only one person who could heal it and she would never be her, no matter how close the two of them became. She turned to him, attempting to apologize for even bringing the topic up, when she suddenly felt the wind being knocked out of her completely and felt herself being shoved forcefully to the ground.

Before she knew it, Angel was hauling her assailant off of her, and engaging in a brief struggle, before staking it and watching it turn to dust. Turning back to her, he extended his hand and helped her up looking a bit apologetic.

"Sorry about that. I should have been paying attention. You OK?" Cordelia shook her head, not trusting her own voice and motioned for them to continue walking. It was going to be a long night.


	39. Captured!

"So how are we going to get in?" Dawn's voice was soft, and hesitant as she looked upwards at the frighteningly large and darkened Wolfram and Hart building that she and Connor planned to break into.

"I don't know," Connor admitted. "I guess going in through the basement and working our way up would be best."

"What?" Dawn exclaimed in surprise. "No magic tricks? No blueprints? No suction cup mittens for us to climb up the side of the building? Not even a harpoon gun or anything? You're not even wearing black clothing or a ski mask."

"Neither are you." Connor replied, blank faced. "And why would I wear a ski mask?"

"It's just how you're supposed to break into places, that's all." Dawn informed him. "We're going to get caught. Wolfram and Hart isn't the type of place where you just break a window and climb on in."

"On the contrary," Connor told her with a mischievous grin, "it's the best place to try it. Think about it, with all this high tech security who's going to notice a couple people breaking into a supply room window at ground level?"

"I sure hope you're right," Dawn murmured as the two of them snuck over to the window and broke the glass as quietly as they could. The two of them paused for a few agonizing seconds as they waited for alarms or bells to sound. When there was nothing, they relaxed slightly and climbed through the window, Connor first with Dawn in tow.

"That was the easy part," Connor mumbled. "Now, getting upstairs and getting this information and back out again? That's going to be a little more difficult."

"You don't have to tell me that!" Dawn said with a nervous laugh. "They probably have security cameras in every hallway! How are we ever going to get past them?"

"Well..." Connor looked around the supply room as if lost in thought. Then, suddenly his smile widened. "Look Dawn, air ducts! We can climb up into them and go right upstairs!"

"I feel like I'm in one of those action movies you know? Like Die Hard when Bruce Willis is in the building with the terrorists and has to climb up through the vents." Connor gave Dawn a look of confusion. She shrugged and looked over towards the vents. "I forgot, they didn't have movies in Quartoth did they?"

"Nope." Connor said as he lent Dawn his hands to help lift her up towards the air ducts. "Come on, we have to hurry. If we can make it to the elevator shafts, we should be able to ride the elevators all the way up to Lilah's office."

Dawn allowed herself to be lifted up to the ducts and was surprised to find that both she and Connor were able to fit into them.

"Guess this isn't just something that happens in the movies," she said to herself. The two of them crawled as fast as they could towards what Connor suggested was a panel that would give them access to the elevator shafts. He was right and within moments the two of them were sliding down metal poles and trying to find the top of an elevator that was heading up to Lilah's floor.

"Dawn, over here!" Connor exclaimed, motioning with his hand for her to follow. There was an elevator heading upwards in the right direction and Dawn managed to get there just in time to hop on top of it as the two of them rode the rest of the way in silence.

"So far so good," she mumbled to herself. Impulsively, Connor reached over to her and squeezed her hand in a gesture of reassurance. She smiled softly as his eyes seemed to speak to her, without his lips moving to accompany the message. _We're going to make it Dawn, _he said, _I won't let anything happen to you._

They made it to Lilah's office surprisingly easily. As soon as they made sure she wasn't in there, the two of them pressed open the door and began to search both her filing cabinets and her computer. After a few moments, Dawn's voice whispered to Connor triumphantly.

"Connor I found it! A client file marked James Adamson."

"That's it," Connor replied grimly, "let's get out of here."

"I don't think so," Lilah's voice said from the doorway. The two of them looked up in horror as they noticed the two guards that flanked her. She grinned smugly. "Do you two really think we didn't see you coming? Honestly climbing through the air ducts? That is so Die Hard!"

"I told you," Dawn muttered angrily.

"You're not getting this back." Connor declared. Dawn clutched the file close to her chest and Connor moved to stand protectively in front of Dawn.

"Aren't you cute!" Lilah exclaimed with a small laugh. "We haven't formerly been introduced yet, but from the looks of you...the face, the eyes, the annoying sense of honor and foolish need to do-good, I would guess that you are Connor...Angel's mysteriously conceived son?"

"How did you..."

"And you must be related to that slayer that Angel threatened me with a few days ago. Dawn perhaps?"

"You know my name?" Dawn breathed, frightened, but slightly excited that a major bad guy seemed to know who she was.

"Oh I've done my homework," Lilah said with a nod. "You see my client is already unhappy with your level of interference. I wasn't about to let my own ignorance be the cause of that yet again. Now hand over my file and have the decency to die quietly please? I don't want to cause a scene."

"We're not giving you this file." Connor stated firmly. Again he moved close enough to Dawn to whisper in her ear. "When I make my move Dawn, I want you to run like hell and get out of this building OK? Use the elevator shafts like we did to get up here."

"Connor no! What are you..."

"Do as I say or we'll both die!" He whispered harshly. "Angel needs this file, and we have to get it to him. On my mark, I want you to run, OK?"

"I'm scared," she whispered, desperately wishing she could stay with him. He smiled grimly.

"I know, so am I, but just trust me OK? Meet me under the bridge a few blocks from here. I will get to you, I promise, just don't let yourself get caught. I couldn't bear it if I lost you, the way I lost..."

"Obviously you kids want to do this the hard way," Lilah seemed to sigh. She motioned to the two guards standing beside her. "Kill the children and make sure the file is not destroyed."

The two men nodded and began to step towards Connor and Dawn. Connor took a deep breath and smiled at the two flunkies headed towards him. If they wanted a fight, he would give them one. They didn't call him the Destroyer in Quartoth for nothing. Turning to nod at Dawn he lunged forward into his attackers, all the while preying she was able to get out safe.


	40. Excape plan

Dawn waited until Connor had successfully engaged both of the guards in one hell of a fight before attempting her escape from the room. The only one standing in her way was Lilah. Dawn smiled. The woman completely underestimated her. That was a benefit to her.

"Don't even try it kid, you are way out of your league." Lilah cautioned.

"You forget that my sister is a vampire slayer." Dawn replied lightly as she dodged an attack from Lilah and kicked her hard in the stomach. "Guess I get that from her bitch-queen!"

Connor smiled as he watched Dawn make a run for it, and quickly turned his attention back to the extra guards that were appearing and now filing in. Lilah ordered about five of them to go after Dawn and Connor preyed that she had enough of a head start to make it out of the building safely.

Dawn heard the footsteps of the guards Lilah had sent after her getting closer and closer and felt the adrenaline and fear course through her as she attempted to go faster. She was no longer paying attention to where she was going, she was just running down random halls and corridors, preying there was a way out somewhere in all this madness.

Why had he suggested they split up? Why had she listened? What if they hurt him What if they killed him? How would she explain to Angel that his son didn't make it out and that she had? That his only thought had been for her safety and not of his own.

She reached the end of the corridor and was about to turn back to run the other way, when she realized she was boxed in and three very large men were headed her way. Using the element of helplessness to her advantage, she waited until they were close enough and then orchestrated an almost flawless kick to the first one's groin and used his shock to follow it up with a blow to the face that sent him reeling. The second managed to grab hold of her arm and was about to hit her, when Dawn ducked and managed to shove him hard into the first attacker. Shoving the file folder into her sweater, she had just enough time to throw the third attacker over her shoulder. Noticing a bright red exit sign, she smiled and ran for the stairwell that beckoned to her, promising her freedom.

Opening the door, she took one last look behind her, hoping to see Connor somewhere down the hallway, but all she saw were the two men she had just escaped getting up and heading her way. Swearing under her breath, she closed the door and ran as fast as she could, trying desperately to make it without tripping.

Connor fought desperately to get out of the building, but the guards were becoming more than he could handle. He was gasping for air and blood trickled down the side of his face. They had him cornered now, at least twenty of them, possibly more and he was backing up further and further towards the inner wall, desperately hoping for a way out.

Suddenly he saw it. A window! Looking over his shoulder he realized it was the only way he was going to escape here with a chance of making it in one piece. He calculated the distance to the ground and figured that his chances of survival were better if he jumped. He had survived larger heights in Quartoth, this wouldn't be too difficult. Taking a deep breath, he ducked the punch of one of the nearby guards, broke the glass on Lilah's window and leapt out into the night.

Dawn finally reached open air and allowed herself a half second of relief. Her heart leapt in her throat however, when she saw Connor land on the ground not five feet from where she was standing in a heap after jumping out of the window in Lilah's office.

"Connor!" She exclaimed, unable to keep the fear from her voice. She ran to him and tentatively touched him, hoping he had survived the jump. He groaned and rolled over, clutching his knees to his chest in incredible pain. He was alive, but badly hurt. "Can you walk?"

"Dawn, get out of here!" He exclaimed, motioning weakly for her to run. "They'll be down here soon!"

"Oh no, I'm not leaving you here again!" She said firmly. "Come on, I'll help you up."

"You help me walk, we'll both get caught!" Connor said frantically. "Save yourself Dawn. Leave me here, please!"

"I'm not going without you!" She cried, frightened and yet angry at him at the same time. What was he trying to pull with this martyr act? "Connor you got us this far, but there's only so much you can do! Now let me protect you for once and get up so we can both get out of this together. I'm not leaving you here to die and that's that."

Connor wanted to fight with her, but was too weak to do so. Instead, he allowed Dawn to haul him to his feet and drag him towards the street as fast as she could make him move without him collapsing in pain and taking her with him. Throughout the stabbing pain of it all, he wondered if this is the kind of thing his father had to put up with as well with these Summers' women.


	41. A proper thank you

The moment they were safe, Connor dropped to his knees, attempting to collect himself. Dawn too rested and made sure that the folder was still safely tucked in her sweater. Eventually, Connor rose to his feet and glared at her, angry with not only her, but for his own weaknesses as well.

"Why did you do that Dawn?" He demanded, still shaky on his own legs, but regaining some strength by the moment.

"Do what?" She blinked in confusion. "You mean save your life?"

"You could have been caught too Dawn!" He said, his voice hard and unforgiving. "You should have run when I told you to."

"And leave you there to die? I don't think so Connor!"

"I promised to protect you!" He said angrily, furious at the fact that she had been forced to protect him in the end.

"And I told you that I am capable of handling it!" Dawn shot back, unable to believe he could be so stubborn. "You could at least thank me for saving your life! Is this how they do things in Quartoth? Every person for themselves? Is that how you and Holtz survived?"

"Holtz and I took care of each other!" Connor exclaimed angrily. "You don't know a thing about it!"

"I know that you're afraid here." Dawn said with a sigh. "Afraid of this world, afraid of this life. Fighting was such a normal thing in Quartoth for you wasn't it?"

"It was," Connor nodded, also calming down slightly. "As it is now, you are the only person in this world that I want to keep safe. And if that means giving my own life to do it, well then it's easy. It's not really worth all that much to begin with."

"Don't say that!" Dawn burst out fiercely. "Your life is worth so much Connor, why can't you see that? Why can't you realize your potential, realize how wonderful you are? I want to be around you all the time and I don't even know why! All I do know is that the way I feel when I'm around you is amazing! Like I can do anything, you know?"

"I know," Connor said softly, mesmerized by her movements, her voice, every word she spoke. How could someone who had known him for so little time have so much faith in him? "I feel like that whenever you're around me. I'm sorry I acted the way I did Dawn, but...the thought of something happening to you, it just..."

Words suddenly failed him as their eyes met once more. Without even realizing what he was doing, he had pulled her close and in one swift movement, taken her lips in his and was kissing her with everything he felt inside.

It was amazing. Every nerve, every emotion, every part of him suddenly came alive. He had never kissed a girl before, never even felt the inclination on a conscious level and yet somehow with Dawn, he didn't need to think. It was as if his heart automatically knew what to do, even if his mind didn't.

Dawn was shocked at first at the impulsiveness of the kiss, then soon felt herself relaxing and melting into Connor's embrace, heat surging through every part of her as she did so. She had been thinking about this ever since she had first seen him. Even though she was aware that things might be moving too fast, that they didn't know each other all that well, the kiss felt too right to end.

But end it did however, when Connor pulled roughly away, fear in his eyes at the realization of what just happened.

"Dawn, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Connor it's OK!" She exclaimed, trying to reassure him that his advance had not been unwanted.

"No, I shouldn't have done...I mean, I wasn't thinking." He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair in a gesture very much like his father's. _They have their mannerisms, _Dawn thought, _whether they realize it or not._

"Connor, I wanted to kiss you." She told him with a small smile. "I've been thinking about that ever since I met you!"  
"You did?" He echoed in surprise. "You have?"

"Yes." She replied with a slight laugh. "You can't tell when a girl likes you?"

"I've never had a girl like me." He said defensively. Dawn laughed again and then tentatively reached for his hand, which he offered freely, albeit slightly nervously.

"Well you have one now Connor." She told him honestly. "I like you."

Connor blinked and felt emotion surge within him. He wanted to say a million things to her, wanted to ask her a million questions but at that moment he could do neither. All he could to was squeeze her hand, smile and begin to walk as he said one simple word in response.

"Thank you."


	42. Gone

Buffy was surprised to find the lobby of the hotel virtually deserted when she finally emerged from the basement after taking about fifteen minutes to regain her composure. The encounter with Angel had definitely affected her and she was furious with herself and with him for letting her emotions get the better of her in that basement. She had worked so hard ever since arriving in LA to keep them in check and in the span of ten minutes somehow he had managed to not only strip away her defenses, but leave her feeling naked, frightened, alone and longing for the comfort he had offered, yet at the same time terrified of the consequences that would surely result from allowing her heart to openly love him even for a short period of time.

The last thing he had said to her before departing the basement and leaving her there had caused her to tremble with suppressed emotion for many moments after. Soon however, that emotion turned to anger. How dare he bring up these parts of their past when both he and she knew that nothing could come of it? He had supposedly left her "for her own good" and yet every time she would see him it was always he who would remind her of their relationship and their love, as if he had every right to rekindle what he had so willingly given up.

She wasn't mad at him for leaving, not really. On a rational level she understood its necessity. However, deep inside her heart there was a small part of her that still died every time she saw him because it reminded her of the fact that he had just left her in Sunnydale to face the darkness all by herself. It was that part of her she had fought so hard to bury. It was that part of her that she had tried so hard to forget and it was that part of her, that need for his protection and comfort that always fought to resurface whenever she was in his presence.

She hated that that part of her was so powerful and that she herself was so powerless to fight it. She hated him for being right, for being him and for dragging her from her safe cocoon of self-reliance and into the terrifying depths of his heart.

After he had left the basement she had resolved that he would never do so again. She stayed there, building up her strength, trying to keep the tears that still threatened her at bay and telling herself that no matter how much he had hurt her, she would never let him know it again. Moreover, nobody else would know what he had put her through, least of all Dawn. She was getting tired of her sister's pitying looks whenever she saw the two of them interacting. The last thing she needed was pity over something she couldn't have...something she would never have.

She hadn't been down there for too much longer after he had left her, yet curiously enough when she stepped into the lobby, the only people she encountered there was Fred and Lorne, who, at this point still hadn't recovered from the effects of the truth potion.

"Wow...talk about clear out-yness." She said in an attempt at levity. Fred looked to her in surprise. "Was it something I said?"

"Huh?" Was Fred's resulting comment. Buffy gestured to the emptiness of the lobby and Fred caught on. "No, Angel thought...that is, he and Cordelia and Gunn decided to go and patrol to see if they could find some leads on this Adamson guy and Connor went to break into Wolfram and Hart to get some information."

"Angel went on patrol?" Buffy echoed, hurt that he and all the others had executed this plan without informing her. "By himself?"

"No they went in teams. Actually, he wanted me to give you a message. He and Cordelia went as one team and Charles is patrolling the west end. They only left a few minutes ago, so he shouldn't be too hard to find. Angel told me to give you Charles' cell phone number if you wanted to help him." Fred smiled helpfully, while inside, Buffy's heart plummeted.

Not only had Angel taken charge of what had initially been her mission, but now he had displayed her weakness in front of everyone. Giving Fred the message of 'if she wanted to help' was like telling everyone that their encounter had left her too emotionally distraught to perform her slayer duties. How dare he presume that? How dare he take charge like this when it was her job, her right to stop Adamson? How dare he make it look like she was a basket case and he the hero?

She looked to Fred, who still gazed at her with a friendly smile, clueless to her own inner turmoil. She smiled tightly.

"Write down his cell phone number if you can and I'll check up on him, but I can't say that I will patrol with him all night. There are some avenues I would prefer to check out on my own. He can handle himself alone right?"

"Yes, he can." Fred replied quietly, wondering now if something was bothering the slayer. "Like I said, he and Cordy are patrolling east, so it's probably a good idea to stick around Charles' territory anyway so that things are even."

"Sure," Buffy said lightly, trying to extinguish the seed of jealousy that gnawed at her once more. "Wouldn't want to move in on Angel and Cordelia's territory."

"Buffy...." Fred began, her voice sounding concerned. It was too concerned for Buffy's liking. Plastering a happy smile on her face, she interrupted Fred and attempted to change the subject.

"Whoa, sorry about that Fred, that was my alter ego. I call her bitter Buffy and she will not be surfacing ever again." She laughed to encourage Fred to relax and it seemed to work because soon after Fred laughed as well. Lorne remained quiet. "So I know the whereabouts of everyone now but Dawn. Tell me please that Angel didn't ask her to patrol the north and south or something."

"No, of course not." Fred replied with a shake of her head. "He told her to stay here, but she didn't want to stick around in the lobby. I think the site of Lorne all vegetable-y freaked her out a bit. She went upstairs to your room."

"Well I'm going to go up there and see if she's OK." Buffy decided. "Then when I come back down I'll give Gunn a call and see what the what is around here."

Fred nodded and Buffy smiled, feeling more useful than she had a few moments ago as she walked up the stairs to the room she and Dawn shared. When she opened the door however, she was surprised to find the room empty. The surprise soon turned to outright dread as she saw the window of the room open and a note lying on the bed. It read: _Sorry Buffy but I couldn't just sit around any longer. I went to help Connor break into Wolfram and Hart. Don't worry, I will be careful. Hope things with you and Angel are OK. See you later. Love Dawn. _

It was at this point that the dread turned into not only terror for her sister's well being, but anger towards Angel for distracting her so terribly from her mission and her sister as well as complete and utter self loathing for allowing herself to be so distracted.

How could she have been so careless? She knew Dawn was perfectly willing to sneak off to God knows where regardless of the amount of danger and instead of watching her like she should have to keep her safe, she had allowed herself to be swept into Angel and his world of pain and forgotten all about everything but her own feelings. Now, Dawn was off breaking into possibly the most powerful demonic law firm out there with only Angel's unpredictable and unstable son to protect her. How could she have let things slip so far beyond her own control?

"Buffy what is it?" Fred questioned as the slayer came flying down the stairs, distress etched all over her face.

"Dawn went after Connor. She's breaking into Wolfram and Hart as we speak with him."

"Oh God Buffy I'm sorry! I didn't know that's what she was planning on doing or I never would have let her out of my sight!" Fred's tone was panicked and apologetic at the same time. Buffy brushed it away, placing all of the blame on Angel and herself and none of it on the small blustering girl before her.

"It's not your fault." She replied quickly. "I have to get her out of there Fred. I have to get to that law firm."

"Maybe that's not the best idea." Fred argued. Buffy looked as if she were about to protest when Fred continued. "You're right in that what Dawn and Connor are doing is pretty dangerous. If you go though you might just put them in more danger still. I've seen Wolfram and Hart. Two small people might be able to get in Buffy, but if you try breaking in now you'll only give them away. Best to let them finish the job."

"So what, I just wait here for them?" She exclaimed, frustrated beyond all comprehension with the situation before her and extremely worried for her sister's safety at the same time. "Damn her, what the hell was she thinking? I just can't sit here and do nothing!"

"You could still patrol with Charles." Fred suggested, seeing the torment within the slayers eyes and still feeling incredibly guilty for not keeping a closer watch on Dawn. "Connor will keep her safe, I'm sure of that. Charles could use some help though."

"No, no I have to go..." She was muttering now, but she no longer cared. "I have to go to the building and watch at least. I have to make sure my sister gets out of there OK!"

"Do you have a phone?" Fred asked tentatively. "I could stay here and call you when they get back."

Buffy nodded and gave Fred the number, then left the hotel anxious to escape not only it, but everything connected to it. She was completely consumed with guilt and worry for her sister._ If anything happens to her I will never forgive myself, _she thought bitterly, _or you Angel._


	43. A place of her own

The vampire that attacked Cordelia was the only demon she and Angel saw for virtually the rest of the night. Conversation between the two of them as they patrolled was sparse and very tense as Cordelia realized for the first time how distanced she had truly become from Angel since Buffy's arrival in LA. It wasn't entirely her fault, nor his. She didn't blame him for his feelings for her, much as she may have wanted to. Nor could she completely hate Buffy for the love she clearly still harboured for him. It was like asking the sun not to rise, or something equally as impossible.

Still, the longer Buffy stayed the more distant Angel had become and while she didn't blame him or Buffy for their feelings for one another, she did blame Buffy for the hurt those feelings were clearly causing Angel.

She felt like she could no longer sense him, as if Buffy had waltzed in and taken the innermost part of him and kept it for herself. Angel now smiled less, his old broodiness and pained demeanor returned to him almost like a mask he had left in the bottom of his closet for years, only wearing it in her presence. He had readily given Buffy his heart and received only pain in return, like some sort of twisted gift with purchase. _She's feeling the same thing you know,_ Cordelia's mind told her. Inside she knew that along with Angel's pain came Buffy's. The two were connected like a compass, each leading back to the other, guiding and at the same time following one another in an endless circle.

Still, although Buffy had once been a large part of Cordelia's life, there had never been any real closeness between the two of them. Cordelia had liked her as much as her shallow self had been capable of such a thing. She had certainly respected her as well as the job she performed, but there had never been a strong bond extending beyond the expected loyalty her office commanded and half hearted friendship.

Cordelia loved Angel though. She wasn't sure if it was with the same strength that Buffy loved him although part of her doubted it, but she did love him. Angel was the first real close friend that she had ever had. Angel was the first person to really see past the shallow Queen C persona she had adopted and bring out the person she was now. Angel was the only one who ever really knew what she was thinking, what she was feeling. The only one who had ever even come close had been Xander, but even then they had both been too young and immature for that bond to be fully realized.

Angel was her strength though, and now he was crumbling before her and she was unable to save him. She felt helpless and angry at the same time.

"What are you thinking?" Angel's soft subdued voice broke through her thoughts, causing her to nearly jump. She shrugged and looked over at him, trying to keep her thoughts off her face. He could read people so easily, especially her.

"I'm thinking I'll be happy when this is all over." She answered truthfully.

"Cordelia it's not Buffy's..."

"I know," she interrupted with a sigh. "I know Angel, I'm not blaming her. I just don't like to see you hurting, for any reason. And I know that when she's here, that's what always ends up happening. I'm not passing judgment. I just want to stop this guy so that things can go back to normal. Or whatever passes for normal in this town I guess."

"I don't know if they can," Angel told her honestly. "Every time we say good bye to each other another part of me dies."

Cordelia looked away, hating to see the familiar look of anguish etched all through his perfect features. Angel took a half step towards her, concerned that he had said something wrong.

"I know that you and I have been...undefined for a long time Cordy," he hedged, not entirely sure where he was going with his words. "I'm...I'm sorry if any of this has hurt you in any way. It was never what I intended. You mean so much to me. More than you'll ever know."

"It's OK Angel," She said, turning back to him and feeling his words flood her with warmth. It was as if suddenly everything had become clear to her. No matter what happened with him and Buffy, no matter how much they loved each other, she too had a part of Angel's heart that was indeed hers and only hers and not even his love for Buffy, could come between that. The knowledge of that comforted her and allowed the first real smile to grace her features in a good long while. "You don't have to apologize to me. I understand. I do."

"You don't know how much that means to me." He said, his shoulders slumping gratefully. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

"Like you could get rid of me that easily." She joked, attempting to lighten the situation up. She grinned suddenly. "It's dead over here though. You want to head back to the hotel and call Gunn? See if he had any luck?"

"Yea," he replied with a nod. "We're not getting anywhere here."

But as they turned back and headed in the direction of the hotel, Cordelia smiled, knowing he was wrong. They had indeed gotten somewhere tonight, even if he himself did not realize it and it was a place that Cordelia wouldn't trade for anything.


	44. A kiss witnessed

Against every instinct she had, Buffy did indeed take Fred's advice and stayed what she figured was a safe enough distance away from the Wolfram and Hart building in hopes that she wouldn't further jeopardize her sister. If Dawn was going to die at anyone's hand that night it would be Buffy's for doing such a stupid thing.

The building itself showed no signs of any duress occurring within it, which led Buffy to hope that either Dawn had changed her mind and gone back to the hotel, or she and Connor had safely done what they came there to do and left just as quickly. Then of course there was the alternate, more terrifying thought that perhaps the two of them hadn't even gotten that far. Perhaps they had already been captured in their attempt. Or worse...

No, Buffy would not allow herself to think like that. She would watch the building, but until she saw something that led her to believe her sister was in grave danger, she wouldn't barge in and give her away. Besides, she was with Connor. He could protect her. Angel had all but assured it.

Time seemed to crawl by without a single outward clue as to what was going on inside. It wasn't until Buffy spotted some very small figures moving rapidly away from the side of the building that she decided to act. She followed at a safe distance, hoping that if it was Connor and Dawn they were safely moving away after a job well done and were not being followed.

She tracked them at a distance until they stopped underneath a bridge to catch their breath. It was then she noticed that one of them was indeed injured, however it was not Dawn. It was Connor and he looked to Buffy to be quite upset with Dawn. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she knew whatever it was, it wasn't 'good job now let's go get some ice cream'.

She was about to step closer and try to mediate the argument when surprisingly she watched Connor kiss Dawn. Dawn looked equally as surprised but nevertheless returned the kiss. Buffy found herself gritting her teeth, her insides knotting together. She couldn't explain it, but there was something about Connor and Dawn's mutual attraction to one another that bothered Buffy a great deal. She didn't want to see them together. Didn't like seeing them together and more than anything wanted to step forward and order them to cease and end the kiss, yet knew she had no valid reason to do so right now.

Connor ironically was the first one to end the kiss, and although she couldn't hear what they were saying, she got the sense that he was a little unsettled about his own actions. Buffy felt slightly better at seeing the boy suffer. When the two of them began to head back towards the hotel, Buffy figured the best thing to do now was to beat them to it. She was still furious at Dawn for running off the way she had, but bursting in on their little scene like this and creating another one did not seem like a sensible plan, especially not when there was still a chance that the two of them were in danger.

Turning away from them, she decided to take a short cut and to call Gunn and let him know that patrolling was probably a waste of his time now that Connor and Dawn had seemingly been successful in their mission. She would leave it up to Gunn to pass the message along to Angel and Cordelia, as she had no particular wish to come face to face with either of them right now.


	45. Too tired to fight

Lorne was just coming out of his stupor when Angel and Cordelia entered the hotel, back from what they described as a completely uneventful patrol, although from the look on Cordelia's face, Fred had a feeling it was anything but uneventful in the personal sense.

"Merciful crap darlin'!" Lorne exclaimed before either Angel or Cordelia had the chance to say anymore, "I feel like I've just been forced to sit through a Hanson concert without any ear plugs, what the hell did that potion do to me? Do I still have both horns?"

"The potion did exactly what it was supposed to," Fred told him sheepishly. "You'll just be feeling a bit icky for a little while afterwards. Sorry about that."

"Hey, no hard feelings sweetie," Lorne said with a small shrug. "It's one way of fighting the good fight I guess. But where is everyone? Did you get the bad guy?"

"Not exactly." Angel replied. "We couldn't even find the bad guy. Nothing's stirring out there, so we thought we would come back here and wait for the others. Gunn is patrolling, Connor is doing some recon and Buffy is....where is Buffy, Fred?"

It was then Fred's face went white as if suddenly recalling something she should have told them sooner. Angel's heart leapt in fear.

"Oh Angel I didn't tell you! Dawn went after Connor to help him break into Wolfram and Hart! She left a note for Buffy telling her that and when Buffy found out, she went chasing after them."

"What?" Angel exclaimed, "that's crazy! It's too dangerous for Dawn to be there!"

"I know, that's why I followed them." Buffy's voice was hard and as Angel turned to look at her, he wondered if he was imagining the accusatory element to her tone. "It's OK, they're fine. I beat them back here, so they should be coming through that door any minute with some information."

"Well that's a relief at least." Cordelia stated, suddenly feeling slightly smothered by the tension that all of a sudden existed in the room. Buffy had already crossed the lobby and was standing as far away from Angel and everyone else as she could get. The slayer was less than happy.

"I told her to stay here with you Fred," Angel continued, feeling suddenly incredibly guilty that it was his son that Dawn decided to put herself in danger for. "Why didn't you keep an eye on her?" Fred flushed a deep crimson before Buffy leapt to her defense, her voice level, yet seething with unreleased emotion.

"Don't blame this on her Angel, we both know it isn't her fault."

"Oh? And what does that mean?" He snapped, unable to bear the implications in her eyes.

"It means," she said, her voice growing in force, eyes flashing with fury, "that maybe if you had kept a better watch over your son, or taught him not to bring civilians into deadly situations I wouldn't have been sick with worry all night after finding out she was gone!"

"Don't you dare bring Connor into this!" Angel shot back, clenching his fists and hating himself for reacting with such antagonism. "If you want to blame anyone, why don't you look a little closer to home first before going after my son?"

"Are you saying this is my fault?" Buffy exclaimed, choking on her words, unable to believe what he was implying.

"Angel, Buffy..." Cordelia stepped tentatively towards Angel, fearing that even though the two of them were on opposite sides of the room, things were becoming far too volatile.

"What I'm saying," Angel continued harshly, ignoring Cordelia's attempts at an intervention, "is that if you weren't so caught up in yourself and all the cruelties this world had inflicted upon you, you would have been able to see how your sister was feeling and stop her from putting her life in danger. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she does these things to get your attention? That maybe you're too selfish to pay any attention to her when it's not a life or death situation? You ever think about that Buffy?"

Buffy's face went white as the harshness of his words, and the cruelty in his eyes hit her full force. She took a step back and let her arms fall to her sides limply, wanting to turn away so that the others couldn't see the naked hurt she was trying so desperately to conceal. Angel was right of course. She had been so wrapped up in her own problems, that she hadn't seen or even thought about anything Dawn might be feeling or going through. Still, the way that he had just spoke to her hurt her more than any physical wound ever could.

Angel watched her face crumple with pain and immediately hated himself for inflicting it on her so willingly. She had been worried for her sister, and although he was angry with her, it wasn't for the reasons he had made her believe. Certainly the last thing he had ever wanted to see was her in pain once again because of something he had said or done. He longed to apologize, but the words refused to roll off his tongue. He was about to take a step towards her, when the front doors opened once more and an excited Dawn bounded in followed by his son, who although seemingly just as excited, was limping slowly as if wounded.

Turning away from Buffy's stricken face, he rushed to Connor's side, and asked his son if he was OK.

Surprisingly Connor didn't reject the concerned arm that Angel placed on him and even allowed him to help him over to the couch so that he could sit down.

"I'm OK." He eventually said. Indeed, despite his wounds, his face and voice did have a lighter tone to them. It was almost as if Connor had been freed of some sort of silent burden. "Thanks to Dawn being there, I'm OK."

"Don't be mad at me Buffy, please!" Dawn pleaded with her sister. "I know what I did was stupid, but I'm in one piece and we got the file you guys needed."

"It's fine Dawn," Buffy said shakily, still reeling from Angel's verbal onslaught. "I'm just glad that you're not hurt."

"Have you looked at the file yet?" Angel asked his son, hoping to steer the conversation back to the mission and away from all manner of emotional complications attached to it.

"Not yet," Connor admitted. "But I'm sure there's something useful in there. Dawn has it."

"Fred and I will take a look at it," Cordelia offered softly. "We'll do some research and let you know what our next move should be."

"Sounds like a good idea." Angel agreed. "Maybe someone should give Gunn a call and let him know."

"Already done." Buffy all but whispered. "He's on his way."

"Well then that takes care of that I guess." Lorne said, a little uncomfortable among all these intensely emotional auras right now. "As for me, I'm thinking a long hot bath is on the menu. Anything else you guys need me for you just holler OK?"

"I'm going to go to bed if that's OK with everyone." Buffy said softly, feeling the full weight of the day come crashing down around her. "You guys let me know what you figure out in the morning OK?"

"Buffy..." Angel said, attempting to step towards her. Buffy lifted a hand, effectively stopping him from speaking any further.

"Just leave me alone OK Angel?"

Dawn watched, concern etched all over her face as her sister wearily climbed the steps and headed down the hallway towards their room. She knew something had happened in the basement between her and Angel, but what could it have possibly been to prevent her not only from not yelling at her for sneaking out with Connor, but to make her so incredibly sad?

Dawn's face hardened with resolve as she found herself determined to find out.


	46. Lorne's secret

Despite the obvious urgency of the situation, Cordelia and Fred were far too exhausted to do any credible research that night. Twice they attempted it and both times ended up asleep on their desks. They eventually gave into their fatigue and climbed the stairs of the hotel wearily intending to get started bright and early to make up for the time lost.

It was noon however, before either of them descended the stairs. Lorne was already in the lobby drinking coffee and looking much better off than he had the night before. Fred smiled in relief to know that there hadn't been any permanent head damage caused by the truth potion.

"Ah, there you are dumplings, I was wondering when you two were going to rise and shine."

"How come you're so chipper?" Fred wondered as Lorne handed her a cup of coffee that he had luckily made only moments before. Cordelia declined his subsequent offer and sat down next to him. "The truth potion sure did a number on you last night. You were the last person I expected to see up before us."

"It messed with my head quite a bit I won't lie," Lorne admitted, "but as far as rest goes it was better than a sleeping pill. I barely slept at all last night, that truth potion had me in such a deep trance. It was actually kind of nice. Too bad the stuff is so foul tasting...they could market it."

"Not for humans they couldn't." Cordelia reminded him. Lorne looked at her, slightly abashed and amended his statement.

"Fine, they could market it on the demon black market as a sleeping aid...you'd make a fortune Fred," he winked to let her know he was teasing and she smiled in return.

"Thanks but no thanks." Was her reply. "There's enough craziness in my life as it is."

"True enough sweetie pie." He agreed.

"Is anyone else up?" Cordelia wondered, hoping that nobody knew that she and Fred had slept so much when they had promised to be researching.

"Haven't seen a soul." Lorne replied. "Angel of course is naturally in la la land. Everyone else though I think is pretty pooped from what happened last night. Some heavy things going on around here, and not just professionally. I thought the emotional aura meter was going to jump off the charts last night."

"It was pretty intense." Fred agreed. "Whatever you do can you not tell anyone we slept in? With everything that's been going on around here, the last thing they need to know is that we slept the day away."

"Your secret is safe with me," Lorne promised. "But I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about it. It is only noon after all."

"We should get to work." Cordelia suggested. Fred nodded and headed over to the main desk where the file Connor and Dawn had stolen resided. Opening it, they divided up it's contents and got to work, hoping to pass the time and whether the internal storm that existed among those at Angel Investigations.


	47. Questioning Connor

Dawn didn't say anything to Buffy about what had happened the night before, as she felt her sister too weary and too emotionally raw to handle anything rationally. She waited, knowing the next day would not be a good time for it either. Best to wait until things cooled down a little before delving into the emotional mess that was her sister's love life.

She had waited a few moments after Buffy headed up to their room before joining her sister there. Buffy was seemingly already asleep, whether that was true or not, Dawn did not bother finding out. Instead she too settled down for bed, intending on questioning her sister at a later date and then allowing herself the time to contemplate the events that had taken place between her and Connor.

She had never felt this way about any guy in her life. She had watched from the sidelines when Buffy and Angel did the on again off again bit while he was in Sunnydale and wondered if she would ever feel as strongly for a guy as her sister had for Angel. Now she knew that she did have the same capacity to feel that way and she was pretty sure she was feeling it for Connor. There was so much to him that intrigued her, so much she wanted to explore.

Like his father, he had an incredibly brave and beautiful heart. His life was about doing good, wherever and however he could manage. Holtz, the man who raised him may have taught him how to survive, but it was Angel's heart and Angel's goodness that shone through to Dawn, even if Connor himself couldn't see it.

Although there were similarities to Angel however, he certainly wasn't Angel the sequel by a long shot. Dawn could tell that Connor lacked the sense of security, the assuredness in the mission that his father possessed as well as the self worth his father carried with him along with the title of champion. Connor did not believe that he mattered to anyone and it tore her up inside because it was clearly untrue. She could tell just by watching that Angel longed to develop a relationship with his son, longed to show him and tell him how sorry he was for the life Connor had been forced to lead. He longed to put his arm around the boy and tell him he was proud of him. Dawn wished she could give that completeness to both Connor and Angel, but knew that was beyond her capabilities.

He was dark, but lacked the guilty brooding quality that was his father's trademark. Connor's darkness was rooted in anger that when combined with his solitary nature made him seem almost completely unapproachable. He was frightened and insecure but also completely endearing as such. His absolute wonder and amazement that Dawn should not only care for him, but want to kiss him as well made her want to take him in her arms and banish all his pain away.

Was this love? Was it simply an infatuation? Was she old enough to feel love? Was he? She couldn't answer any of these questions, much as she wished she could, so she opted instead to just close her eyes and try to sleep. Still, even as she did so all she could feel were Connor's hesitant lips on hers, his arms around her, and his dark, oh-so-emotionally charged eyes peering into hers, searching for any sign of betrayal on her part and lightening with relief and happiness when he found none.

_I only want to make you feel happiness Connor. _Dawn thought as she drifted off to sleep, her heart skipping a beat as she said the name, even in her mind. _You do belong somewhere. I will make you see that I promise. _


	48. Learning to relax

When Dawn entered the lobby the next day, she was surprised to see Fred and Cordelia hard at work, looking very well rested. Dawn admired their stamina. Even though she had been helping her sister fight evil for a little while now, she still tired easily and was surprised that they clearly didn't.

"Hey guys." She said, they two them looked up at her in surprise and with something that Dawn could only identify as mild guilt. She didn't question it, instead she just smiled at them. "Did you get any good information out of that file?"

"We're still working on it." Fred confessed, "but believe me it's certainly helpful. Helpful and terrifying if what I think this guy is doing is correct. We just need some more time."

"No problem, I'll get out of your way." Dawn went to leave them but Cordelia spoke up, obviously fearing she had offended Dawn.

"You're welcome to stay. We're certainly not telling you to get lost or anything, you know that right Dawn?"  
"I know." She replied with a nod. "It's cool, believe me it's just...I can't do anything helpful here, and it's a really nice day outside, and I thought if Connor was up....you guys haven't seen him have you?" She tried to sound casual, but feared that she failed one hundred percent.

Cordelia looked to Fred and gave her a knowing wink. The two of them had been observing the looks exchanged between Connor and Dawn for quite some time now. To them it was cute, although they would never tell Dawn that. She would think they were trying to downplay it.

"As far as we know he is still asleep." Fred admitted.

"No I'm not." Connor's voice echoed amid the lobby and Dawn watched him in anticipation as he descended the stairs and headed towards her, where she stood near the door.

The sunlight streamed in and touched her hair in all the right places, bringing out its brilliance and shine. To Connor she looked like an angel and he was momentarily awestruck by her beauty as well as the ear to ear grin she had reserved just for him.

"I was thinking that if they are going to be going through that file all day and there's really nothing else we can do...do you want to go for ice cream Connor?"

"Ice cream?" Connor echoed, slightly confused.

"Yea, ice cream!" Dawn replied with a laugh. He was so cute when he didn't know how to react to something. "You know, tasty and creamy frozen treat?"

"I've never had ice cream." Connor admitted, looking at his shoes and feeling like an idiot for not being aware of something so simple.

"All the more reason for you to come with me and try it!" She encouraged. He looked at her, still evidently confused.

"Shouldn't we be working?"

"You can't work all the time Connor," Dawn replied matter-of-factly. "It just so happens that nobody has anything specific for us to do today...what a better time to go out and have some fun? When was the last time you did that?"

"Well never." Connor admitted. "Not that the breaking into Wolfram and Hart thing wasn't fun...well it wasn't, but the after thing and the...."

"Connor..." She interrupted, her eyes twinkling in a teasing fashion that made Connor want to kiss her all over again. "Come on let's leave these two to their research OK?"

"You sure you don't need us?" He wondered, feeling like he was doing something he shouldn't by allowing himself to relax for once and just be an eighteen year old kid. He looked to Cordelia and Fred for conformation.

"Angel is going to sleep most of the day away, and all we'll be doing is research. Its fine, get out, have some fun." Cordelia smiled and Connor knew it was OK. Looking tentatively at Dawn he took her hand and the two of them headed out into the sunlight for a day of relaxation.


	49. Ice cream

"So this is ice cream?" Connor's tone was skeptical as he held the cone of French vanilla in his hand and gazed at it, as if it would bite him any second instead of the other way around. Dawn nodded, slightly amused at the expression on Connor's face. This was a guy they had nicknamed the 'destroyer' in Quartoth, one of the most feared hell dimensions out there and here he sat before her, made uneasy by a single scoop of ice cream.

"It's ice cream all right. Don't worry, it's not cookie dough fudge mint chip or something scary like that. I figured since you've never tried it before then plain vanilla was the best way to go." She smiled as if to reassure him that the vanilla was indeed harmless.

"Is it supposed to be this cold?" Connor wondered, watching as the ice cream began to drip down the cone. Dawn instinctively reached out an caught the offending drip, putting it to her lips and licking it off her finger. Connor watched, completely mesmerized by the beauty of the gesture. Even though she lacked her sister's slayer abilities, her fluidness of movement was almost flawless.

"That's why they call it ice cream Connor." Dawn told him, totally oblivious to Connor's awed stare. "You might want to hurry up and eat it before it melts again."

"I don't know that I would mind watching that," he murmured. Then, after realizing what he had just admitted, blushed and attempted to save the statement. "I mean when you licked the ice cream off your finger, you looked so pretty...so graceful."

"That's me," Dawn said softly, her eyes downcast and a faint blush colouring her cheeks. "Dawn Summers...little miss swan."

"You are beautiful Dawn." Connor insisted. With the hand not holding the melting cone, Connor touched her chin gently and raised her gaze to meet his. "And I'm not talking about just physical beauty either. All of you is beautiful, your spirit, your courage, your compassion. Everything I was ever taught was of value, but was lost to me in Quartoth I found in you."

"That's not me you're describing." Dawn whispered, tears in her eyes. "That's my sister. She's the courageous one. She's the hero, the one with the sacred birthright and the bravery. I'm just her little sister who tags along and gets into deadly danger."

"You're wrong." Connor insisted, angry that she couldn't see what was so blatantly obvious to him. "You're more of a hero than you'll ever know. You taught me that I was worth something. You showed me that there is good in everyone. You were the first girl to ever kiss me."

"I think technically you kissed me." Dawn clarified, tearfully smiling and wholly unnerved by the intensity of his words and his gaze as it bore into her, unmasking all the frightening emotions she had tried to keep hidden.

"Did I?" Connor echoed, smiling that cocky half smile that he and his father seemed to have a patent on. "Let's just test this theory." Leaning in, his kissed her once more. It began softly, then soon grew into a kiss that floored Dawn's every being like nothing else ever had. When she finally pulled back, she was breathless.

"Well?"

"I think it's a tie." Connor told her with a wink. Looking down at his dripping ice cream cone, he used the napkin he held to wipe the cone, then took a tentative taste. His eyes widened as the ice cream touched his tongue and a large ear to ear grin spread across his face. "Wow! You weren't kidding! This is amazing!"

After their ice creams, Dawn and Connor headed towards a local park and proceeded to walk slowly through the wooded forests and paths, completely oblivious of time and place.

Connor no longer felt as if he were doing something forbidden by allowing himself to enjoy his time away from saving the world. Something about being with Dawn made him feel as if he were entirely at peace. She made him feel as if just being himself was enough for her, and nobody had every done that for him before.

When he was with Holtz, he always had something to prove. He was always tested, or trained to be stronger, faster, better. Each moment they spent together they were either fighting for their lives or learning how to do so. There was no peace.

Even around his father, Connor had felt that he had to prove himself. To whom, he wasn't quite sure yet. A secret part of him yearned for his father's admiration of the talents Holtz had so painstakingly taught him. He would never consciously admit this, but part of him also wanted his father's approval of the man he had become in Quartoth. He had no idea if his father even really knew him, but that wasn't entirely Angel's fault. Connor had spent most of the time he knew his father trying to kill him or being bitter and hateful towards him.

Dawn was changing everything however, including how Connor regarded his father. She had told him before how caring Angel was, how he fought almost tirelessly for the greater good and the more she said it, the more Connor stopped seeing only the man Holtz had described to him and started to see the man that Dawn's older sister was clearly still in love with.

He genuinely seemed like a good man, but pride and loyalty towards the only person who had kept him alive in Quartoth prevented Connor from apologizing for his actions towards his father. He wanted to move past the anger, the hate and the mistrust, but life long teachings were difficult to abandon all together, no matter what Dawn insisted.

"Some serious thoughts going on in there?" Dawn questioned, noticing Connor's sudden quiet and preoccupied expression.

"Just thinking about some things." Connor replied vaguely.

"Like what?"

"Life, death, loyalty, good and evil." Connor rattled them off quickly. "Things are so confusing here."

"Thos are some pretty heavy thoughts for such a beautiful day." Dawn admonished teasingly. "Anything in particular though?"

"Why does he do it?" Connor wondered aloud. "It's not part of his nature to help people. His nature is to kill."

"You mean Angel." Dawn clarified. Connor nodded, while Dawn took a fairly large breath. "The demon within Angel is the one who comes naturally to killing the innocent Connor. Angel himself, the man, he is a good man. He wants to make up for Angelus' crimes by helping others, by fighting for the side of good."

"And you really believe that you can separate Angel from Angelus so simply? That they are two different people entirely and therefore must be judged separately?"

"I don't think any human person should be judged at all." Dawn answered honestly. "People make mistakes. We screw up, that is beyond any doubt in our nature. A vampire can't help the desire to kill and to hurt. Evil is all it knows. Humans know so much more though and it is through that choice that we have to acknowledge our soul or ignore it, that our choices are made. Angel is more aware of his own soul than anybody because of the suffering it brings him. It drives him to do what he does. Yes, I do think he should be separated from the demon, but not judged. Never judged."

"You're so wise." Connor said simply.

"Tell that to Buffy," Dawn replied with a laugh.

"Maybe I will." Connor joked. Dawn grew serious.

"Try to get along with Buffy Connor." Dawn said to him, "for my sake at least. She has a lot of issues with Angel and although none of them are your fault she may treat you unfairly because of them. Don't let that discourage you. It's not your fault, OK?"

Connor nodded gravely and the two of them continued to walk in silence until finally Connor impetuously grabbed her hand and turned to her excitedly.

"Look! Another ice cream truck! Come on, let's get some before we have to go back to the hotel!"


	50. Down to the wire

Buffy waited for nightfall to come before leaving her room to see what the others had come up with in terms of research. After the embarrassment of her fight with Angel and the harsh words he had spoken that had not only hurt, but rang so true, she wished to have as little contact with the other members of Angel Investigations as possible, especially Cordelia. _God, she must think I'm pathetic, _she thought bitterly.

Most of all, she didn't want to see Angel until she absolutely had to. Even though she was fairly certain he would remain asleep until they had to assemble downstairs, his room was right across from hers, and exiting it would risk seeing him, even if it were an accident. _How can I work with him when I can barely face him? _

Curiously, Dawn did not come back up to the room all day. Buffy wanted to go downstairs and make sure her sister wasn't getting into any trouble, or bothering the others, but the urge to remain by herself and with her thoughts was too strong. Eventually however, the sun set and much as she hated it, she had a job to do that required working with everyone in the hotel.

When she descended the stairs, she felt her heart stop almost entirely. Angel was already down there and at the sound of her footsteps, his eyes met hers calmly and levelly. Even though Cordelia, Fred, Gunn and Lorne also stood near him, for one agonizingly long second all she could see was him and the message within his eyes that begged to know if she was all right. Smiling more brightly than she intended, she addressed everyone and then noticed two members of the team missing. Her smile unconsciously turned to a frown as she thought of the two of them together.

"Where are Dawn and Connor?"  
"They should be back soon." Fred assured her, not wanting a repeat of the fight Buffy had had with Angel the night before over Dawn spending time with his wayward son. "She just called on her cell phone. She and Connor went out for some fun today. We told them it was OK, since all we were doing was researching."

"They should have come back before sunset." Her tone was angrier than she intended it to be. "Dawn knows how dangerous it is to..."

"I'm here." She said brightly as she and Connor entered. "Don't worry Buffy I'm here." Both Dawn and Connor were out of breath, as if they had run the entire way as well as holding ice cream cones. Buffy only felt her anger grow as she watched Connor take Dawn's hand possessively and then stare at her as if to challenge her right to tell Dawn she had been reckless. Buffy decided to hold back with the lecture for now, as she didn't care to argue with Angel's son as well. Besides, there were more important things to do right now.

"We'll talk later." She told Dawn, packing her tone with as much innuendo as possible to let Dawn know the matter would not be forgotten. Dawn nodded, accepting her words and looked towards Fred and Cordelia.

"What did you guys figure out about James Adamson's plan?"

Cordelia sighed heavily and looked at the file with such fear and trepidation as if it would bite or attack at any second.

"It's not a plan for a better future I can tell you that much." She admitted. "Basically he wants to do what the mayor did, only this guy plans on taking it a bit further."

"He wants to turn into a demon?" Buffy asked, thinking to herself that transferring himself into a demon didn't sound too terrible. Even the mayor had been defeated albeit with much destruction and the school being blown up.

"Not exactly," Fred continued. "Adamson has major political ambitions. So much so, that he's willing to dedicate his life and his soul to a certain demon God named Galendil. He's not a very well known demon God, but he does possess infinite power. Unfortunately, he is unable to take any kind of shape in the human world other than spiritual. He bestows his strength and power only on those he believes are 'true' followers, and they in turn receive unimaginable power and influence."

"How does he know who is a true follower or not?" Gunn wondered, looking slightly worried. "I mean, the people must have to do something to prove they're worthy right?"

"That's where the sacrifices come in." Fred confirmed.

"Sacrifices?" Buffy echoed, all of a sudden consumed with violent anger. "That's what those children were wasn't it? Sacrifices to Galendil for Adamson to prove his 'worth'!"

"I'm afraid so." Cordelia said with a nod. "Those who follow him must kill a certain number and a certain type of people to prove their worthiness and they only have one opportunity to do it."

"What do you mean?" Angel wondered.

"Well the reason why Galendil isn't the most popular of the worshipped demon Gods, despite his power, is because he only has enough strength to access that power and bestow it upon a mortal man every five hundred years or so." Fred smiled nervously. "For the rest of the time, he remains dormant."

"And now's the time for sleepy head to wake up I'm guessing?" Lorne spoke up. Buffy thought he looked even more green than usual.

"Yea, lucky us." Cordelia said sarcastically.

"You said a certain number and type of people have to be killed." Buffy said, her mind flying back to that previous point. "Why? And what 'type' of people?"

"Well," Fred said, putting on her glasses and staring at the research she and Cordelia had compiled, "the reasons for the volume are simple. More people means more strength. As for why certain types, well, Galendil's power needs to achieve a certain balance before he can bestow it on to a mortal man. The type of people he kills must be balanced. I don't really know what that means specifically, but it's a start. However, like we said, Adamson is on a time frame here. He has to finish his sacrifices soon or Galendil's power will disappear for five hundred more years."

"Pity," Lorne muttered.

"He hasn't been killing anyone though." Dawn said, slightly confused. "He hired a Brillcrall demon to kill those children. Wouldn't that ruin his chances of Galendil thinking he is a true follower?"

"Not if he burned Galendil's mark into the demons, as well as himself and then killed the demons before Galendil could manifest a spiritual form to bestow his power." Cordelia replied. "That way he would assume the person with the mark did the sacrificing and with only Adamson bearing it, he would naturally assume it was him."

"And the candidate for Governor wouldn't get his hands dirty in the process." Connor spat bitterly.

"But why run for Governor?" Buffy wondered. "I mean, why do all of this to achieve unimaginable power and then put yourself in a legitimate political race? I mean, if this demon God has all this power, couldn't he just take what he wants without the formality of a formal election?"

"I think he just likes the respectability." Gunn said, his mouth twisting into a wry smile. "Sick bastard probably finds it funny to play by our rules publicly, and by his own privately."

"That fits with the personal profile we have on him." Fred confirmed.

"OK, but what kind of power does he get when all this is said and done? So far all you've given us are vague descriptions and colourful metaphors." Angel wasn't liking the sound of any of this at all.

"As far as we know he will have the ability to control the minds of the populace." Cordelia said worriedly. "He will also have almost Herculean strength, the ability to create fire at will and the ability to teleport. Not only that, but he will have the ability to also control the minds of demons, allowing him to amass mighty armies of humans and demons alike. There are some other vague hints at one or two other abilities, but nothing concrete. We will basically all be under his control if he is allowed to finish his rituals."

"Then we won't allow him to." Buffy said firmly. "We've got to find out who his next target is and keep it from being just that. Cordy, Fred, how much longer does he have before his window of opportunity closes?"

"Not long." Fred replied uncertainly, "but I would still have to do some math in order to get an exact date."

"Do it." Buffy said shortly. "In the meantime, you said his sacrifices must achieve a type balance as well as a numbered one. I guess that means he will kill the same number of people opposite somehow to the ones killed before. What does that mean?"

"Well he killed children before," Dawn reminded her. "Does that mean that this time he will target the elderly?"  
"It sounds reasonable." Angel agreed. "But he won't do it himself. And after we disposed of his Brillcrall..."

"He will have hired another demon to take care of the job," Buffy finished grimly. "And my guess is that this next one won't be as easy to kill."

"So now what?" Gunn wondered.

"Now we get out there and attempt to find this thing before it kills any more people." Buffy stated, using her best resolved and confident battle tone. "Rest homes are our best bet. We should patrol in shifts, half of us actively trying to find this new demon and the other half doing serious research to find out its weaknesses or identity."

"I'll take the first patrol," Angel offered. Gunn nodded and offered his help as well.

"You two split up patrolling the city." Buffy agreed, secretly grateful that this plan would rid her of Angel's emotionally confusing and painful presence and allow her to concentrate on the job. "You guys will be the first shift and Connor and I will be the second. I'm going to give Willow a call and see if she can hack into some government files, maybe find out more on Adamson or even the extent of Wolfram and Hart's development."

"Cordelia and I can help her on the phone with that." Fred stated. Cordelia nodded.

"I'll just skedaddle out of here and see what I can dig up on the streets. You would be surprised what karaoke places can tell you." Lorne said with a wink.

"What about me?" Dawn wondered.

"You can help Cordelia and Fred with the research." Buffy suggested, looking towards Connor and not liking the fact that he was only taking the second patrol.

"It might be best Connor if you and I get a little sleep before Angel and Gunn return. We'll be taking the second patrol shift."

"That's a pretty good idea." Connor admitted. He pulled Dawn aside, whispered something to her and then headed towards the room he had been staying in. Before he was completely out of sight however, he turned to Angel and Gunn and gave them a half smile.

"Good luck."

"Now that that's settled, I should get some sleep." Buffy said, turning away from everyone and heading up to her room.

Angel watched, his brow furrowed with concern, but ignored his personal thoughts for the time being. Turning to Gunn he motioned that he would be patrolling the west side of town, and Gunn nodded. The two of them left, weapons in hand.

Dawn watched as everyone else assumed their positions. Cordelia was soon looking at her curiously.

"Are you going to help with the research Dawn?"

"Maybe in a bit." Dawn replied, staring up in the direction of her room. "First I want to talk to Buffy about something."

"You sure?" Fred said worriedly, "you're not going to jump out any windows and take off?"

"No," Dawn said with a laugh. "I'm really sorry about that. I swear I am going to go talk to my sister OK?"

"Yea, maybe you should." Cordelia said, with a frown. "Maybe she could use a friend right now."


	51. The piece she can't touch

"Buffy?" Dawn's voice was tentative, as she was unsure of what sort of mood her sister was in. Buffy had been incredibly hard to read lately and Dawn knew that if she was going to broach the subject of Angel she would have to tread lightly, lest she get her head torn off. "Are you asleep?"

"Yes," Buffy muttered as her sister stepped fully into the room. She smiled at her afterwards to let her know her entrance was not completely intrusive. They were after all, sharing this room, and Buffy hadn't exactly been terribly attentive towards Dawn lately. Angel was certainly right about that much.

"You do a wonderful impression of someone who's awake then," Dawn replied with a wry smile.

"What's up?" Buffy asked, deciding to cut to the chase.

"That's what I wanted to know." Dawn answered simply. "What's up?"

"You heard everything I did about Adamson's plan," Buffy said, confusion lacing her tone. "I don't know what more I can tell you."

"This isn't about the big bad political candidate Buffy." Dawn told her seriously. "I want to know what's up with you. I want to know what's wrong."

"Nothing." Buffy told her firmly. "Nothing that you need to worry about OK? I'm fine."

"I don't think you are." Dawn persisted. "I think you're drowning and refusing to let anybody throw you a lifeline. Now I don't know what happened in that basement between you and Angel, or what went on while Connor and I were at Wolfram and Hart but..."

"What happens between Angel and I is nobody's business you got that?" Buffy snapped angrily, unnerved by Dawn's perceptiveness into the situation. "And don't even get me started on what happened while you were out stupidly risking your life on a mission I didn't even want you on."

"Don't turn this around on me." Dawn ordered with a shake of her head. "You're in trouble, Buffy. I want to help you."

"Since when did you become the one in charge?" Her sister challenged. "As for me 'not turning it around', you are sixteen years old Dawn, have you forgotten that? I have every right to be angry with you for doing something so dangerous as going with Angel's son to break into that law firm!"

"What was I supposed to do, let him go alone?" Dawn exclaimed.

"Yes!" Buffy replied, as if the answer were obvious. "He was raised in a hell dimension! He can take care of himself. You on the other hand..."

"He may be able to take care of himself, but that doesn't mean he should have to always be alone." Dawn said firmly. "It's not fair of Angel to just ask him to risk his life like that."

"What makes you suddenly the expert on the father-son dynamic huh?" Buffy was beginning to worry about just have involved Dawn was with Connor.

"I talked to him, it's that simple." Dawn replied in exasperation. "You've barely looked at him twice Buffy except to either threaten or bark orders so don't even try to tell me that you know him better than I do."

"Maybe you do," Buffy conceded darkly, "but maybe I don't want you to."

"Oh, so now you think you can control who I choose to be friends with?" Dawn exclaimed, unable to believe what she was hearing.

"You two are more than friends, and we both know it." Buffy stated. Dawn folded her arms, and glared at her sister.

"Maybe we are, but I don't see how this is a problem." She shook her head in confusion and anger. "I don't see how it's your problem."

"It's my problem because I care about you." Buffy shot back. "And I don't trust him. I think he's dangerous."

"That accusation is getting pretty thin." Dawn argued. "You have nothing to go on."

"Other than the simple evidence of where he was raised..."

"Which isn't his fault!" Dawn interrupted.

"And the fact that he tried to kill Angel! Or have you forgotten about that?"

"I haven't forgotten," Dawn admitted. "But he was a different person then. He's gone through a lot and it's going to take a while before he can learn to trust his father, but he will Buffy! I have so much faith in him."

"He's a loose cannon." Buffy said stubbornly. "He's violent and unpredictable, and not someone I want you around. You two could have been killed at that law firm!"

"You really can't stand it can you?" Dawn said, finally seeing through Buffy's words and into true heart of the problem.

"Can't stand what?" Buffy echoed, thrown slightly by the sudden understanding in her sister's tone. Everything about her right now was light years away from the whiny little kid sister she had been for so long. In this moment, Buffy actually saw wisdom and understanding beyond her years within Dawn's eyes and it frightened her. It was the type of wisdom that had been forced upon her when she was sixteen because of the burden of slayerhood. The last thing she ever wanted was for Dawn to grow up that quickly as well. One of them deserved to have a childhood at least.

"You can't stand me being with Connor because you're jealous!" She exclaimed.

"Me? Jealous?" Buffy's laugh was harsh and disbelieving. She seriously started to reconsider her previous thought's about Dawn's sudden maturity. "What could I possibly be jealous of Dawn?"

"You're jealous of what we could have." She replied, a sad note in her voice. While she was sure that she was right about this, it gave her no pleasure to point it out to her sister, even if she had been acting completely unreasonably. "Connor is a part of Angel. He's his son, his blood...an extension of Angel himself almost. I know he's not 'Angel'...he's not even really all that much like him, except for a few physical characteristics and mannerisms, but somehow he's a part of Angel. He's the part you can't touch. Connor and I, we're both human. We're not bound by any cursed soul, or vampiric immortality. I can be with him. I can be with him the way you can never be with Angel and you hate that. You hate that a part of you can touch a part of him and you can't feel it. You hate that we are free to be only for each other when you and Angel are both complete slaves to your birthright and your duties to the world."

"Dawn that's..." Buffy trailed off, feeling as if she had suddenly been punched in the gut and the air had been completely knocked out of her. "That's completely ridiculous. I'm just trying to protect you from making a huge mistake."

"Buffy I'm sorry." Dawn murmured, stepping closer and touching her sister's cheek gently. A tear escaped Buffy's eye and rolled down to where Dawn's finger still lingered. "The last thing I wanted to do was to point that out to you....to bring it all up, but you have to realize. It's not fair. I know that. I wish I could make it different, but I can't."

"I don't want your pity." Buffy spat out, ashamed that Dawn could so easily see just what it was that had been tearing her heart to shreds, when even she hadn't until now.

"It's not pity." Dawn whispered. "I used to envy you so much Buffy. I used to watch you fight evil and I wanted to be you more than anything in the world. You were more than just my cool older sister. You were a hero and not just to me, but to the entire world. I thought you had everything. Even your relationship with Angel seemed romantic to me in all its tragicness. I was just plain old ordinary Dawn Summers, while you..."

"I was the invulnerable action hero right?" Buffy said sarcastically. "The older sister with all the powers, all the attention and the cute, broody boyfriend right?"

"Something like that." Dawn said with a small smile. "But I see things differently now. I understand that the gift you were given, was not something you asked for. I started to see your sacrifices Buffy and I realized how lucky I really am. I wouldn't want to be you for anything in the world. I couldn't handle that responsibility. I couldn't be the hero. But you can, and you are. So I still envy you. I still think you're the cool older sister, but not for the same reasons I did before. You have had everything taken from you and still you keep fighting. I envy your emotional strength...your ability to go on when it seems everything you love is gone. And I think you are the coolest person because you continue to fight, even when it just keeps getting harder and harder and everyone is against you. It takes a real hero not to give up. And I don't pity heroes."

"I'm no hero." Buffy said quietly. "I'm just a slayer. One of me dies, another comes along. We're like a never ending supply of disposable evil fighters. I'll keep fighting and then one day I will die. And so will Faith, and another slayer will be called in her place. Everything we've done, all that we've been through....it'll be reduced to entries in a Watcher's Diary for some other watcher to go through, maybe to try and figure out our mistakes. The world will go on and the slayers will keep dying. Nothing changes. Not terribly heroic."

"Maybe you don't think so right now," Dawn said warmly, "but believe me everything you do, everything you are makes you a hero. It's the courage it takes to keep fighting that I think is so cool, not the actual slayer gig itself. And Connor...well, Connor is every bit as much of a hero as you and his father, not just because he can fight. He's had a life completely void of any joy or happiness and still he finds reasons to smile. He's been through hell, lied to by the man he cared about as a father and ostracized from his real father because of a two hundred year old battle between them. He's had to overcome so much and yet he still fights with us. That's what I believe in. That's what I look up to and trust about him."

"Dawn I..." Buffy was unable to speak any further, for fear of letting the tears overtake her. The despair of her entire future suddenly washed over her with mind numbing clarity. Dawn was right. Connor was a hero, and she had indeed been jealous. So much so that she could barely breath. Her sister had been given everything while she had only had her life ripped away. Her sister was made out of her, as Connor was out of Angel and they were the closest that she would ever get to living a life with the man she loved. All she would ever be able to do is watch them and that mere fact alone broke her heart all over again. She looked at the ground, wanting to disappear from this place, never to return.

"Buffy please don't cry," Dawn pleaded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Could you..." she hesitated slightly, "could you just go? I kind of want to be alone right now."

"Sure no problem," Dawn told her with a nod. "I love you Buffy."  
Buffy could only give her sister a half hearted smile as she left the room and headed back downstairs to help the others research.


	52. And now we are ready

"You know your time is running out." Lilah's voice was calm, as the last thing she wanted to do was get on Adamson's bad side, especially when his plan was so close to succeeding. He had already been more than enraged at the fact that Angel and his little gang of irritating evil fighters had managed to get hold of the file she had been keeping on him at Wolfram and Hart.

"I am aware of that Ms. Morgan," Adamson replied smoothly, his eyes barely settling upon her as he spoke. "Once the mark of Galendil is burned into the demon Adamon, he shall finish what the Brillcrall started and then my plan will succeed."

"What about the demon?" Lilah wondered. "He's pretty hard to kill isn't he? What if he decides he wants Galendil's power?"

"I have thought about that, and I assure you that will not be a problem. He may be hard to kill, but not impossible. Especially not if one like myself knows that the key to his undoing is in a simple stone."

"You plan on killing him before Galendil appears then?" Lilah guessed. Adamson glared harshly at her.

"Be careful," he warned. "Cleverness is not something I reward Ms. Morgan, it's something I despise. You guess too much of my plan and I may be forced to find another attorney, if you understand my meaning."

"I apologize." Lilah amended. "You know where my allegiance lies, do you not?"

"It had better be with me, or I will put you through so much pain you will wish I had killed you." Adamson threatened. He opened his mouth to say something else to her, when Adamon's sudden appearance in the chamber tore his attention away from her, and to the demon who's arm burned fresh with the mark of the demon God. "Ah, so you are ready then I take it?"

"I am prepared to do my duty." Adamon said with a nod. Adamson smiled, satisfied with the demon.

"Wonderful." He said with a clap of his hands. "Now I don't have much time left. If is this is to work it will have to be soon. You know what to do if anyone tries to stop you, do you not?"

"Nobody will stop me," Adamon said with a growl. Adamson's eyes narrowed dangerously and Lilah found herself shivering, despite herself.

"I should hope not. Go. Do not come back if you fail me, for you will wish you hadn't if you do."

Angel and Gunn returned halfway through the night, having seen or encountered nothing terribly suspicious at any of the rest homes they had patrolled.

"No luck huh?" Fred observed the frustrated expressions on both their faces as they set their weapons down.

"Big fat zero." Gunn agreed. "I wish there was some way of knowing if this guy has made his move already or not. There are so many rest homes in this town and not enough of us."

"Get some sleep." Cordelia encouraged. "You guys will feel better when you do."   
"I'll feel better when I have something's ass to kick," Gunn clarified, "and not a minute before. But you're right. Until then, I guess sleep is the best way to go."

"Did somebody say sleep?" Everyone turned their heads to see Lorne entering the lobby of the hotel, looking thoroughly exhausted. "Cause I sure wouldn't mind a few hundred Z's right about now. I know it doesn't sound like it kittens, but bar hopping can sure wipe you out."

"Did you learn anything?" Angel asked. Lorne shook his head.

"Zippo about our political friend, although one of the bar tenders did teach me how to mix this fabulous cherry flavoured drink that..."

"Shouldn't we be heading out there?" Connor interrupted from the upper level. "Buffy and I, I mean. Shouldn't we be taking this next shift?"

"Yea that's probably a good idea." Angel agreed. He noticed that Dawn stood quite close to Connor and that the two seemed to share an unspoken bond he hadn't noticed before. "Is Buffy in her room?"

"She is, but..." Dawn began to speak, but Angel cut her off.

"I'll go get her."


	53. The way we were

"Dawn, I really don't want to..." Buffy's words trailed off abruptly as she saw it was Angel entering her room and not Dawn. "Look, I know this is your hotel and therefore the whole 'you need an invite to get in' rule doesn't apply, but it is still common courtesy to wait for me to tell you it's OK to come in you know. Barging in like this is just...rude."

"My father always did tell me I had no manners." Angel said with a shrug. To his surprise, Buffy laughed at his joke and relaxed a bit in his presence.

"I guess it's time for me to head out there then?" She assumed, gesturing outside, "fight the bad guy? If I can find a bad guy to fight that is..."

"So far no good." Angel said with a sigh. "Gunn and I couldn't find anything."

"Hopefully I'll have better luck then."

Angel nodded and the two of them stood in the room awkwardly, wanting to say more to each other and yet both unsure of how to broach the subject. Finally Angel spoke.

"I want to apologize to you Buffy."

"For what?" She asked, blinking in surprise. An apology was the last thing she had expected from him.

"For what I said to you before....about Dawn. I was harsh and I was wrong."

"You were harsh Angel," Buffy agreed with a shuddered breath, "but you weren't wrong. I was being selfish and it got my sister into trouble. I blamed your son when I should have been blaming myself for not watching more closely. For being too caught up in...well, in pain."

"Buffy I..." He started to speak, but she cut him off.

"Don't apologize OK? It really can't be helped....for either of us. I know that whatever I may be going through, you're probably going through it too." She looked up into his eyes, suddenly terribly afraid of what might lurk within them. "You are going through it too right? Cause if you're just skipping through the tulips here while my heart is getting trampled on by wild boars I'd like you to tell me now before I make a complete idiot of myself."

"Believe me Buffy," he whispered, his voice ragged, emotion strong in his eyes. "I feel it all. No tulips here."

"Good." She said in slight relief. Then, realizing her mistake, hastily amended her words. "Not good that you hurt, but good that I'm not alone with the hurt, cause for a while there it was really beginning to feel like I was and then that leads to anger and anger leads to the dark side or something along those lines that I'll have to ask Xander about later and I'm totally babbling aren't I?"

"You are," Angel said with a warm smile that reached the very depths of her heart. "I like it. I missed it."

"I haven't run on like that in a while." She admitted. "Usually keep very tight control of myself and my reactions. Less pain that way."

"Less you that way." He clarified. "You shouldn't do that."

"Easy for you to say." She said with a sigh. "I should really get going on that patrol."

"Yea," he agreed, resigned that the conversation they were having had to end. He stepped aside for her to leave the room. She started to go, then turned back to him as if something else had just occurred to her.

"Dawn said something to me earlier, that....well that made me think." She paused, gathering her thoughts and Angel waited patiently as she did so. "She said that I was jealous of her and Connor because the two of them could have what we never could, and never will. She said that's why I didn't trust him....because I was jealous."

"Buffy that's..."

"Absolutely right." Buffy told him, refusing to allow him to argue Dawn's words. "I was jealous. I know it sounds stupid, but....I was. Dawn cares about him a lot Angel. I'm not sure how much. I'm not even sure if a sixteen year old is capable of loving someone, but..."

"You were," Angel reminded her.

"I wonder." Was all she said. Looking at him, she smiled. "Was I ever sixteen Angel? It doesn't feel like it. I look at Dawn and I see a child. Was that what you saw when you looked at me? A child?"

"You were never a child Buffy." Angel assured her. "I know it hurts to hear that, but it's true. You didn't have the luxury of being a child. I was attracted to the woman I saw in you anyway. The woman I knew you could be, and it wasn't just because you are the slayer. It was because of who you are. Maturity comes from the person inside Buffy, not from a sacred birthright. When I look at Dawn or any other sixteen year old I see children. When I looked at you though...I saw you and I fell in love. It was that simple."

"I guess that's why I was so jealous." Buffy told him honestly. "Because they can be children. They can be together and explore what it's like to fall in love without anything holding them back. I guess I just wanted you to know that I wasn't really angry with you."

"I love you Buffy." Angel said, for no other reason than he felt it needed to be said. "You know that right?"

"I know." She replied with a smile. Tilting her head upwards, she kissed his lips softly, refraining from going any further for fear of getting too lost in him. "I should probably go try to kill something big and bad."

Angel nodded, and as Buffy stepped past him to head downstairs, Fred's voice could suddenly be heard loudly, clearly and urgently.

"Everyone, come down here quick!"

"Then again, maybe not." Buffy said with a shrug. Both she and Angel headed downstairs to see what Fred had discovered.


	54. The wonders of Ebay

"OK, we're here...what's up? What did you find out?" Buffy's tone was curious and it matched the look in Angel's eyes as he hurried down the stairs after her. Connor, Dawn, Lorne, Gunn and Cordelia were all huddled around Fred and the computer which obviously contained the information she was about to impart to them.

"I managed to hack into Wolfram and Hart and found out what kind of demon they hired to help finish Adamson's ritual." Fred told them somberly.

"And?" Buffy didn't want to feel the tingle of fear that ran up her spine, but the look on Fred's face made that impossible.

"It's a Garlock demon." Cordelia told them. "They can't be killed...at least not by normal means. There's only one thing that can kill them."

"You gonna tell us what that is?" Lorne wondered, "or are we all just going to sit here and sing the somber chorus?"

"It's a Falcrest stone." Fred sighed. "They can only be found inside a mystical hideaway in a volcano somewhere in the South American jungle. I think we're in trouble."

"So no problem!" Buffy said, trying to find the best in the situation.

"No problem?" Dawn echoed, "Buffy she just said this thing can't be killed! It can certainly kill you though! How does that equal no problem?"

"I don't need to kill it right guys?" Buffy wondered. "It's just like Glory and her ritual. All I have to do is fight it until the window closes and Adamson's plan fails."

"Theoretically, yes," Fred agreed, "but Buffy this thing is incredibly strong. If you can't kill it a prolonged fight might just have him killing you."

"Wait, Fred did you say a Falcrest stone?" Angel looked slightly confused. Fred nodded.

"Wolfram and Hart really did their homework in hiring this thing. I mean, without that stone..."

"I have one." Angel stated.

"What?!" Cordelia's voice was incredulous. "You have a Falcrest stone from a mystical whatever you call it inside a volcano??? Is that where you went after you found out Buffy died? Relic hunting?"

"No," Angel said with a shake of his head and a nervous glance in Buffy's direction. He knew what she was thinking almost as if she were speaking it out loud. He hadn't told her how he had left after hearing about her second death to try and deal with it inside an ancient monastery. She might actually find it funny if she knew that the monks there turned out to be demons. "I bought it off of Ebay. I guess some Volcanologist happened upon it, but none of the museums he spoke to would exhibit it, so he put it up for sale. I thought it was kind of pretty so I bought it."

"Wow!" Fred said with a laugh. "Then I guess we can kill it!"

"You mean I can kill it." Buffy said with a satisfied smile. She began to head towards the door.

"Wait, you don't even know where it is!" Gunn protested.

"No, but I..."

"I can do a locator spell!" Fred called out. "Willow told me how on the phone."

"OK." She agreed. "Then I'm going to get rid of this thing once and for all."

"I'm coming with you Buffy." Angel told her, his voice stern and brooking no argument. Buffy smiled.

"I know." She replied.


	55. Last chance

"How long is this spell going to take?" Buffy wondered as she paced back and forth, eager to be out fighting. It was only when she was fighting that she felt truly free of any problems, anxieties or pain in her life. She didn't like waiting.

"Shouldn't take too long." Fred replied as she absently gathered ingredients together. "Willow's instructions were pretty clear."

"I don't trust magic." Connor stated. He looked uncertainly at the spell ingredients. "I'm sure I could track this thing."

"The spell will get us there quicker." Angel told his son. Connor gave him an understanding nod, which surprised not only Angel, but everyone in the room as well, although they hid it better.

"Time is definitely of the essence here." Fred added. "According to my calculations tonight is the last night Adamson has before his window closes."

"Hurry then," Buffy encouraged nervously. "We don't have much time."

"How does the stone work?" Gunn wondered. "I mean, what do you have to do with it in order to kill the demon?"

"Well you have to...." Cordelia grimaced, "you have to shove it through the demon's head as hard as you can."

"Well that's pleasant!" Lorne exclaimed sarcastically. "Boy I wish I was an evil fighter like you guys!"

"It's messy, but it can be done." Buffy said grimly. "Story of my life anyway."

"Buffy, be careful OK?" Dawn's voice was nervous. "You get overconfident and then..."

"I'm not being overconfident," Buffy told Dawn with a small smile. "This is just a fight I can't afford to lose."

"Shadypines Rest home." Fred told them as the locator spell was completed. "The demon is on his way there. It's on the other end of town so you guys will have to hurry."

"We're on it." Buffy told her, heading towards the door, with Angel in tow.

"Hey," Connor called to them. Both Buffy and Angel turned, staring curiously at him. "Be careful OK?"

"I will." Angel said with a nod. He turned and followed Buffy out the door.

James Adamson followed Adamon from a safe distance as the demon headed towards the rest home had chosen to attack. Adamon didn't know it, but the moment he was finished with his task, Adamson planned to pay him and then drive the Falcrest stone through the demon's head before it could react. He did not intend to share the power Galendil would bestow on him tonight with anyone, least of all a lowly demon he had hired to do his dirty work.

He had attatched the stone to a long rod and managed to add some sharp spikes to it, so that the weapon almost resembled a mace. He wasn't the strongest of humans and driving a stone through a demon's head was definitely a job of strength. The spikes on the stone would make that easier to do before the demon fought back.

Staying far enough away, he watched as the demon burst into the home and smiled with pleasure as the resounding screams reached his ears. Soon he would have all the power he craved.

Checking his watch, he realized that if Galendil was to come to him and bestow said power before his window to this dimension was lost for another five hundred years he had best start the summoning ceremony now and hope that Adamon could finish his task and he could kill the demon before the demon God appeared.

Gathering his ingredients and preparing himself mentally for the spell, he took his concentration away from the rest home, not even noticing the two small figures entering the building, intent on turning the tide of the fight.


	56. Adamson defeated

The demon's blow to the face caused Buffy's lip to split and sent her reeling backwards, right into Angel, who grasped her arms tightly and turned her to face him, intense worry shrouded in his eyes.

"I'm OK." Buffy told him, stepping back and facing the Garlock demon once more. The elderly people the demon had attacked were huddled in various corners. Some had fainted, some were still screaming. It made the fight hard to concentrate on and that coupled with the immense strength and skill possessed by this demon was not boding well for Buffy or Angel.

"Catch!" Angel called, throwing Buffy the Falcrest stone. She caught it in her left hand and lunged at the demon once more. Seeing the stone, the thing grabbed hold of the nearest available chair and brought it down hard on Buffy's outstretched arm. She cried out in agony and dropped the stone, clutching her arm fiercely. Angel could tell, just from the sound and the look of her hand that at least three fingers were broken.

"I'm OK!" She called to him, noticing the worry. The demon was advancing towards where the stone had now fallen. "Get the stone before he does or it's all over!"

Angel nodded and dove for the stone, executing a perfect summersault as he felt his finger's grasp it, and coming up behind the demon. Before the thing could react, Angel's fist had connected squarely with his head and the demon spun from the impact of the punch, right into Buffy's fist.

Her punch didn't do as much damage as Angel's had done however, as she had used her injured hand for the blow. The pain was amazing, even to her. The demon recovered from the punch and retaliated with one of his own, throwing her across the room and into a nearby wall.

Leaping back up from it, she caught the arm of the demon as it descended towards her face, spun him around backwards and kicked him with as much force as she could in the small of his back. It jerked in severe pain as her knee collided with his spinal cord. She was able to hold the demon still for a few seconds as Angel rained punches and kicks into the demon's face and chest. Eventually it managed to elbow her in the face and hit Angel hard enough to cause him to stagger backward.

The demon used the pause to free himself and grab blindly for the Falcrest stone that Angel still held in his hands.

"Angel!" Buffy yelled, holding her hands up as if to signify she was open to receive a pass. Angel caught on and threw the stone to her.

Buffy caught it and made a run at the demon, leading the first punch to his head with her good hand. Angel immediately followed up her punch with one of his own and the two of them fought shoulder to shoulder against the beast, desperate to regain the upper hand in this battle, or at least to hold him off until time ran out and Adamson's plan failed.

Buffy clutched the Falcrest stone in her injured hand, her fingers whitened with strain and agony. She could already feel various bruises appearing on her face and the taste of blood was strong in her mouth as her lip bled profusely.

Angel was all too aware of the slayer's injuries, even moreso than his own. He could smell the blood on her and see the pain in her eyes as the demon managed to successfully kick her hard in the face. He watched as her head snapped back sharply and her body flipped sideways in the air before crashing into the cement wall.

Ignoring every impulse in his heart that screamed to rush to her and make sure she was OK, Angel attacked the demon, channeling that worry into incredible hatred and fury as he engaged the demon in a brutal fight.

Scrambling to her feet and ignoring the nausea that threatened to well up inside her, she watched the demon and Angel fight, hoping at some point there would be an entry point with which she could use to drive the Falcrest stone through the demon's head.

She watched as the demon lifted Angel into the air and hurled him towards her. Before she knew it, Angel's bulky frame hit her square in the solor plexus and she was thrown hard into a wall, the wind knocked out of her and Angel on top, seemingly unconscious.

"Angel!" She yelled, attempting to move him, but failing completely. "Angel!"

He opened his eyes and she smiled in relief and ran her hand absently over his face as if to affirm to herself that he hadn't been severely hurt. A tingle went through Angel as the slayer unknowingly caressed him.

"He's behind me isn't he?" Angel whispered, feeling the demon advancing on the couple, thinking Angel to still be unconscious. Buffy nodded and attempted to move him. "Stay still...."

Buffy was confused at Angel's request, but nevertheless obeyed it. She caught on to his way of thinking as she watched Angel take the Falcrest stone out of her injured hand, and clutch it tightly, preparing his attack.

The demon lifted a chair and prepared to bring it down on Angel's head, when he whipped around and before the demon could react, buried the Falcrest stone into his skull with as much force as he could muster. Buffy watched in awe as the demon jerked and seized up and then finally fell to the floor, dead. Angel turned back to Buffy and collapsed in satisfaction, his head resting lightly in her lap. Buffy smiled, and ran her good hand through his hair.

"Well that was a workout I wasn't expecting." He muttered, smiling wryly.

"I'll stick to the stair master at the gym I think." She joked back. Looking around, she saw that the elderly people in the room were either coming to now or blinking in confusion, as if they had no idea whatsoever of what just transpired.

"Were those....muggers?" One lady finally managed to ask. Angel sat up and managed to get to his feet, helping Buffy to stand after he did so.

"Yes they were. Ms. Summers and I are undercover detectives. You're lucky we heard the commotion in here."

"Thank you officers." The old lady said gratefully. Buffy smiled, grateful herself for the power of selective memory.

"We should go." She said to Angel. He nodded and the two of them headed out of the rest home and came face to face with none other than James Adamson himself, furious that his plan had failed and knowing it was the two of them that had been the cause of its destruction.


	57. Tragedy on the eve of victory

"I've been waiting to meet you two." He said calmly, his eyes glittering with hatred and cold, calculating fury. "I've heard so much about you, I feel like we know each other all ready."

"Well you bad guys do tend to be all alike." Buffy said with a nonchalant shrug. "It gets pretty cliché. Get a plan, worship a God, try to rule the world...don't you ever get bored?"

"I'd get bored if I dressed like him." Angel added with a smirk.

"You have no idea of the mistake you've made slayer." Adamson warned her. Buffy rolled her eyes, completely unthreatened.

"And if you were any more than human we might be worried." She replied, undaunted. "It's just too bad that I can't kill you. Cause I would REALLY like that."

"I bet you would slayer. But you won't get the chance. You think I have no power just because you stopped the final phase? You clearly didn't do your homework. I may not have Galendil's full power, but I have enough to take my revenge for you on your meddling. And I plan on enjoying it." Adamson smiled, taking comfort in the idea of what he planned on doing to Buffy.

"Alright this guy is beginning to bore me." Angel stated. "What can we do with him Buffy? We can't kill him, and we have no evidence to convict him on anything beyond a traffic ticket."

"I don't know." Buffy said with a sigh. "I sure would like to beat him up."

"Well that's a start." Angel agreed with a smile.

"It's an interesting idea slayer, but you won't be able to touch me." Adamson told her, lips pulled back in a snarl of fury. He raised his hand, a small light forming within its palm. "Galendil's power may not be as strong as I had hoped, but it's enough to send you to his dimension to meet him. And I can assure you it isn't a pleasant place. Give him my regards slayer!"

With an almost inhuman cry, Adamson tossed the beam of light directly at the slayer which was now fast becoming a gateway to Galendil's hell dimension. Before Buffy could react in any way to the advancing portal, movement to the left of her caused her head to turn.

Reacting on nothing but pure instinct, Angel hurled himself in front of Buffy, unable to watch his slayer get sucked into Galendil's hell dimension.

Buffy's face went white with shock as she watched the gateway close on Angel and the vampire disappear into the hellish depths she glimpsed within the gateway.

"Angel!" She cried out after the portal had closed, unable to believe things had happened so fast. "Angel!"

"Hmm," Adamson said thoughtfully as he witnessed that particular turn of events. "Not what I expected to happen, but I hated him also so really this works out fine for me."

"Bring him back," the slayer threatened, voice ice cold, eyes glittering with tears. Her entire body trembled with unreleased fury towards Adamson, mixed with agonizing pain, loss and anger at Angel for jumping in front of the portal.

"Wish I could slayer, but if I had that kind of power left I would send you through right after him." He shrugged. "Unfortunately I'm fresh out."

Before the man could blink, Buffy had him by the throat, her hand trembling as she fought to keep herself from crushing the man's windpipe then and there.

"Bring him back." Her voice had lowered almost to a whisper and her eyes were darker now. Blood trickled down the man's neck, as her fingernails dug into it. "Now."

"Didn't you hear me?" Adamson croaked, now clearly afraid for his life. The slayer's emotional condition was less than stable, so much so that he even doubted her ability to restrain herself from breaking the hero's code of not killing human beings. "I can't bring him back, I used up all my power to create that portal. You want him back? You find him."

As quickly as she had seized his throat, the slayer let go of it and stepped back, clearly shaken by what she had almost done. She blinked a few times, attempting to compose herself.

"Get him back," she whispered, swallowing the sobs that threatened to well up within her. "I have to get him back."

"The only way to do that is by finding a way in." Adamson said smugly. "And once you do that I guarantee you'll never come out."

"I'm going in after him." Buffy said, a little firmer this time. She turned and began to head back towards the hotel to inform the others of what had happen. Before she got too far, she turned back and seized Adamson once more by the throat. "Maybe I won't come back. But if I do, you will wish I hadn't you got that?"


	58. Calling in the cavalry

The first thing Connor noticed when Buffy re-entered the hotel was the devastation that was written all over her face. Instinctively he reached for Dawn's hand and clutched it tightly, fearing that they had failed and Adamson had become more powerful than anyone could have dreamed.

"What happened?" It was Dawn who spoke, carefully and deliberately so as not to upset your sister. "Adamson is he....?"

"Only human." Buffy told them, her voice ragged and her attention seemingly focused on nothing. "We killed the Garlock demon."

"Then why the funeral face sweetie?" Lorne said with a big grin. "This is a cause for celebration, you know, breaking out the bubbly! Hey, we could even hum a few bars of whatever strikes us! I always say a song to celebrate is a song.....hey, speaking of tall dark and tone deaf where's Angel?"

Buffy almost broke down completely at the verbal mention of Angel's name, but through sheer force of will she managed to hold it together for her own sake as well as Connor's and the rest of the AI team. She couldn't let herself think it was hopeless. If she let herself believe, even for a moment that Angel was gone for good, she didn't think she would be able to handle it.

"Buffy?" Cordelia's voice cut into her thoughts, clearly concerned by the slayer's expression. "Where is Angel? What happened?"

"That demon thing didn't...." Gunn made a sign with his finger across his neck to indicate decapitation and grimaced at the unsavoury thought of it. "I mean Angel's not..."

"He's not dead." She said quietly. She watched as their faces all relaxed slightly. "But he is gone. Adamson....he....he used up what little power Galendil had given him to open a portal to the demon God's dimension and threw it at me. Angel jumped in the way and got sucked into the dimension instead. He's in hell."

"Oh my God," Dawn whispered, now fully understanding her sister's anguish. She took a step towards her and attempted to comfort her, but Buffy all but jumped back, fearing that any physical empathy might cause her to break down completely and she couldn't afford that. She was barely holding on as it was.

"We have to get him out." Connor stated flatly. Everyone turned to stare at him, visibly surprised that Connor of all people wished to help Angel. "Regardless of what he is, or what he's done, he's my father. I grew up in a hell dimension and he didn't save me."

"It wasn't Angel's..." Dawn attempted, but Connor cut her off.

"I know." He continued, smiling apologetically for silencing her, then continuing. "He told me he tried to get me out, and I believed him. If nothing else he said was true, I believe that much. He tried to save me and I owe that to him. I won't let this happen again. We're going to get him out somehow."

"But how?" Fred finally broke in. "I mean, I've been researching this Galendil's demon dimension and it's pretty tough stuff. Not to sound all willy nilly about opening dimensional portals, but even if we could do it, there's no guarantee that we wouldn't all get sucked in, or that we'd ever get back out again."

"There's no 'we' in this here anyway." Buffy stated firmly. "I'm the only one going in. It's too dangerous for the rest of you."

"Oh I don't think so!" Cordelia exclaimed furiously. "Angel's my friend! Do you think I'm just going to sit here, while...."

"Cordelia!" Buffy said sharply. "I call the shots here and if you don't want to listen to me then I will make you all unconscious slayer style do you understand? Nobody goes in there but me!"

"That's my father in there!" Connor said, his voice low and dangerous. He stepped up to where Buffy stood and the two of them stood nose to nose. "I've lived my entire life in a hell dimension, don't you dare tell me I couldn't handle it! I owe this to him and I am not going to let him just sit there while you..."

"Connor," Buffy said softly, "please listen to me. I know how much you want to help Angel but I need you here."

"Why?" He questioned, puzzled by the intense look of pleading in her eyes as she spoke. Placing a hand on his shoulder, Buffy led him away from Dawn and into the corner of the room where she couldn't hear them. "In case I don't come back Connor....I need you....to look after Dawn for me."

"What?" He exclaimed, clearly shaken by the naked fear within her eyes. She truly believed she wasn't coming back out. "You want me to...?"

"I need you to care for her." She insisted. "I need you to keep her safe. You're the only one who can Connor....you're the only one who will. Can you do that?"

Connor nodded solemnly, understanding that in this moment, and from hear after, he officially had Buffy's blessing in regards to him and Dawn. Whether she would be a presence in her sister's life to share that, was unknown and Connor understood the full gravity of that.

"I will protect her with my life." He vowed. She smiled and gratefully hugged him.

"I know."

"Buffy this is crazy!" Dawn interjected, not liking the serious way she could see her sister and Connor talking. This could only lead to bad. "You just can't go galloping off into a hell dimension! How do you know how you'll get back?"

"I don't." She admitted. "But I have to get Angel out. I have to."

"Buffy I spent five years in a hell dimension and if it weren't for Angel..." Fred trailed off unable to finish the sentence as memories of Pylea suffused her being for a moment. Finally she continued. "I owe Angel more than he will ever know for taking me out of that place. I don't like the idea of you going there alone....but I will do whatever I can to help you do it if it might bring Angel back. You have my promise."

"Thank you." Buffy said to Fred, grateful that at least one person supported her decision.

"You sure you don't want a little muscle around as backup?" Gunn questioned. Buffy shook her head.

"You guys are all very sweet to offer, but I can't risk you like that. Angel is my responsibility...and I will save him. I promise."

"I can't just watch you do this Buffy! I can't!" Dawn was nearly in hysterics and not even Connor's soothing arms could calm her down. "I watched you die once right in front of me! I can't do it again!"

"I'm sorry Dawnie," Buffy whispered, tears threatening to overtake her once more. "But I can't leave Angel there. I have to do this. He spent a hundred years of pain and torture in a hell dimension already because I sent him there. This time I'm going to get him back."

"Not to poop anybody's party here sweet cakes," Lorne cut in, "but how are you going to open the dimensional portal? I mean, from what I hear tell on the demon circuit, it's not an easy thing to do. You need a lot of knowledge about these things. Who do we know that could..."

"Wesley." Fred said softly. The entire gang including a very surprised Buffy looked to her.

"Wesley?" She echoed in surprise. Fred nodded.

"If anyone could open a portal to this place it's him."

"You really think Wes'd help us after we..."

"He helped us before," Fred interrupted Gunn. "He'll help us again if we ask him. I promise Buffy."

She nodded seriously.

"Where does he live?"


	59. Wesley

Buffy Summers was the last person Wesley expected to see when he opened the door. He had been wakened by the persistent knocking, thinking the person on the other side to be no more than someone selling something, looking for donations, or peddling religions. He certainly didn't think that his former charge would stand there, bruised, battered, bleeding, clutching three fingers on her left hand that were clearly broken and wearing an expression of both incredible emotional pain and determination that somehow had fused together so that they would not be separated no matter what the cost.

"Buffy," his voice was muffled as he ran a hand over his unkempt eyes, then mouth in an attempt to wake up a little bit more. He feared that in the absence of the AI team as well as a purpose in his own life that he may very well look just as bad, if not worse than Buffy minus the physical injuries. "Can I help you with something? I certainly didn't expect..."

"Can I come in Wes?" She spoke softly, obviously uncomfortable in his presence. Whether it was due to the fact that she had never really cared for his intrusion between her and Giles, her true watcher, or because of whatever Angel had told him about the Connor situation Wesley wasn't sure. _Does she even know about Connor?_ He wondered inwardly.

"Of course, pardon my rudeness." He moved back and gestured for the slayer to enter. He watched her make her way to his living room before continuing. "You're hurt. Can I get you something? I have a first aid kit..."

"I don't have time. I need your help."

"Can I at least bandage your hand or put it in a splint?" He touched the injured hand gently. "It must be terribly painful...slayer healing abilities notwithstanding."

Buffy nodded and waited for Wesley to retrieve his first aid kit before she began to speak. She told him about the Brillcrall demon and how the murder of twelve children had brought her to LA. She told him about James Adamson, the killing of the Brillcrall and subsequent hiring of the Garlock demon. She told him of Adamson's plan to gain incredible power from a demon God of a hell dimension. All of this she told to Wesley in a calm, matter of fact manner. It wasn't until she got to the part of the story where Angel got sucked into Galendil's hell dimension that her voice faltered and her hands shook, even as Wesley bandaged them.

"He....he's gone....in that place."

"God Buffy I'm so sorry." Wesley told her sincerely. "I don't know what Angel told you about what has happened between us, but I want you to know that I don't harbour any ill feelings towards him. What can I do to help?"

"You can find a way to open a portal to Galendil's hell dimension so that I can go in there and bring him back." Buffy said firmly. "You can help me save him."

"Buffy...." Wesley began, but was cut off, by a very firm and angry slayer.

"Don't! Don't tell me that it's impossible, or that I will probably die trying or won't come back. I've heard it, I believe it, and I'm still going in there to save him! You're either willing to help me in this or you aren't. I'm doing it either way. What's your choice?"

"I never said I wouldn't help you Buffy." Wesley stated, hoping to calm her down slightly, "but there are some things you should consider first."

"Such as?" She prompted, growing increasingly impatient.

"Such as maybe you should wait until you've calmed down slightly before impulsively jumping into a hell dimension. You're very emotional right now and may not be thinking clearly. We don't know that going in there is the only way to get Angel back and we won't know that if you just jump into the pool without testing the water first."

"You're right," she agreed. "I don't know if there is another way to get him back. And I don't know if this will work or if I'm just signing my death warrant by doing it. What I do know is that every moment I wait, to 'test the water' is another moment that Angel spends in hell because of me. If I can't get him out then by God I will suffer it with him. It's the least I can do."

"I understand." Wesley said with a sigh. "I will help you open the portal but I want you to know and understand just how incredibly dangerous it is to do so. From what you've described of Galendil, it takes a lot to open a portal to his hell dimension. It drained Adamson of all his power when he did it. Your slayer strength combined with what little mystical abilities I possess will allow you to open up a portal to get there, but Buffy..."

"What you're telling me is that it's a one-way trip isn't it?" She guessed, swallowing with what he could tell was obvious fear. "At least on your end?"

He nodded.

"I can only help you get there, I can't get you back. It's just not possible."

"Then I will make it possible." She stated, clenching her teeth and fighting off the tears of fear and frustration that threatened to overwhelm her. "If you can't find a way to open another portal then I will make one on the other side. All I need is to get there."

"Let's get started then. I have to research the portal incantation and gather one or two herbs together. Why don't you return to the hotel and...." He hesitated, not wanting to frighten her further by suggesting she 'say her goodbyes'. "Why don't you return to the hotel and I will meet you there?"

"Fine." She agreed, averting his concerned gaze. As she turned to leave, her shoulders slumped slightly and her façade of strength and determination slipped, ever so slightly. Her voice dropped to a whisper as she spoke. "Thank you Wesley."


	60. A stupid thing to do

"He's on his way here then?" Gunn was noticeably on edge as Buffy informed the gang of what had transpired between her and Wesley earlier in his apartment. She nodded, not caring that emotions regarding Wesley were clearly on high at the present time. If he could help her save Angel, well they could just deal with his presence for a little while.

"He said he just had to research some things regarding the opening of the portal and then he would be here to help me do so." She looked around at the sea of faces staring at her.

"Well if anybody can figure out a way to open that portal, it's Wes." Lorne said helpfully.

"Yea, I kind of got that vibe from him." Buffy replied with a slightly surprised smile. "When did he become competent? Cause the Wesley I remember..."

"Is gone."

Buffy turned to see Wesley enter the hotel, his eyes not meeting anybody's in the room which Buffy could tell was deliberate on his part. His voice was hard and defensive as if it alone acted as a shield towards any hostility that might come his way from the others in the room.

There was also a deep sadness and regret within his eyes, although she could tell he was trying desperately to hide it. He did not want to appear vulnerable and she could understand that. She empathized with him and wished she had more time to spend, figuring out what caused him to become so angry and alone.

"You got here sooner than I thought." She couldn't hide the surprise in her voice.

"I thought you were anxious to do this." Wesley replied, unsure of how to relate to Buffy. It had been so long and they had never been the best of friends to begin with.

"I am." She assured him. "Thank you. I'm just not used to you being....well, like I said competent. You must admit that when you were in Sunnydale..."

"Yes, I was quite green, you're right." Wesley said with a nod. He smiled slightly as if he longed for those days again where he may not have been as competent, but things were apparently simpler. "I can assure you now however that I am not."

"That's a comfort." Dawn said, so softly Buffy could barely hear it. She was glaring at her sister, unable to force her jumbled feelings into one solid emotion. One moment she was angry at Buffy beyond belief for wanting to do something so stupid as to go into that dimension, the next moment she was filled with deep and paralyzing fear for her sister's safety, and as soon as that emotion gripped her she would then be overcome with intense despair at the prospect of losing her sister once more to darkness. The only way she had found she could anchor such emotions was to grab hold of Connor's hand and grip it as tightly as she could, needing that connection to reality....to safety.

"How does this thing work?" Buffy was asking Wesley, trying to ignore the pleading in her sister's eyes.

"Well it's more complicated than I had originally thought." Wesley admitted. "You and I will need to hold hands when I do the incantation so that your strength and power may be added to me in order to open the door. After it's open however, then it gets a little trickier."

"Trickier? How?" Fred spoke up for the first time, meeting Wesley's eyes directly and ignoring the glare she knew Charles would be sending in both her and Wesley's directions.

"Buffy cannot step through the portal on her own. Nobody has ever been able to just walk into his dimension of their own volition. They must be sent there. The door must be thrown at them by someone else."

"Who would that be?" Buffy wondered. Wesley took a deep breath.

"It would have to be me Buffy." He told her, "and to be honest, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea."

"You promised to help me." She reminded him, her voice becoming harsh and angry. "You promised to help me get him back."

"Do you have any idea what you are asking me to do?" Wesley burst out, unable to contain his anger. "Do you have the slightest clue?"

"What I'm asking is for you to help me help Angel." She told him, her voice soft. "That's all. The rest is for me to handle my own way."

"What you are asking is for me to send you on a suicide mission Buffy. I'm sorry. I tried to sugar coat it, but there really is no other way around it. What you are doing will lead you to eternal pain and torment and you are asking me to send you there!" He took a deep breath and cast his eyes downward, away from the stares emitted to him in every direction. "I'm so tired of sending people to hell Buffy."

"Does it absolutely have to be Wesley?" Cordelia asked before Buffy could respond. "I mean, he can say the incantation and create the portal, but does it have to be him that throws it?"

"Are you volunteering?" Buffy asked, surprised at Cordelia's apparent willingness to do this for her.

"If Wesley isn't willing to, then yes." Cordelia said. "If there is even the slightest chance you can bring him back, then yes I am willing to take on that responsibility."

"I suppose that it doesn't have to be me that throws the portal." Wesley mused, still not liking the idea of someone having to send Buffy in, but relieved that it would not be him. "Is it agreed then that it will be you Cordelia?"

"No." Dawn said strongly before anybody could comment. They all looked to her in awe. "If anyone should send Buffy in there it's me."

"Dawnie, I couldn't ask you to..."

"You're going to do it anyway!" Dawn exclaimed, tears welling up in her eyes once more. "Damn you Buffy! You just waltz in here, tell me that you're leaving me, possibly forever and that I have no control over the situation! Well I'm tired of not having any say in this. If I can't stop you...if I have no say whether you live or die whatsoever, then you are going in there at my hand. I will be the one to send you in. At least let me control that much."

"Quite the spitfire," Lorne murmured appreciatively. He looked at the older Summers who stared at her younger sister in loving contemplation. "I can see where she gets it from."

"OK Dawn," Buffy all but whispered. "You can send me in."

"There is one other thing Buffy." Wesley said carefully. "I did some research these past few months on Wolfram and Hart and the part Angel plays in this world. I have often wondered, with a firm their size and with so many contacts why they haven't killed him already. It's obvious they could have done so at any given time. It's not like they don't have the power."

"OK, we get it Wes...what's your point?" Gunn wasn't enjoying Wesley's stay at the hotel one little bit and was anxious for him to leave truth be told.

"Only that they have been allowing Angel to live for a specific reason." Wesley answered. "I have managed to unearth several accounts from the firm that tell of an upcoming apocalypse in which Angel is supposed to take a crucial role in. Unfortunately the texts do not say whether that role will be for good or for evil. Wolfram and Hart don't know and neither do we. Buffy if you go in there and something goes wrong..."

"Are you saying this could be part of their plan?" Buffy wondered. "That something could have happened already to him in that dimension and when I bring him out he could be....evil?"

"It's possible." Wesley admitted. "You could, simply by attempting to save him be playing right into their hands."

"But I could also be working for the side of good." She argued. "We don't know for sure that this is part of their plan at all and it's just as possible that Angel could end up fighting on our side when this apocalypse hits. The point is we won't know until we get him back and to do that..."

"You have to go in, yes I understand." Wesley nodded. "Right then, I will just get setup and then we will begin."

As Wesley went to work arranging the circle in which the incantation would be performed, Buffy turned to the others, intending on giving them a hopeful goodbye.

"In case I haven't said it before, thank you." Cordelia said sincerely to her. "I know you and I haven't always gotten along, but...."

"You love him." Buffy stated, this time without any feelings of jealousy towards her at all. "I understand. He has that affect on people."

Cordelia nodded, trying to keep from breaking down completely.

"You're always so brave." She said, awed for once by the strength that Buffy possessed as opposed to the slayer. "Be safe."

"I will."

She turned to Fred who smiled softly at her.

"Hell dimensions suck." She told her matter-of-factly. "Anybody who willingly goes into one is either really stupid, or...well actually I just think you're really stupid."

"Thanks," she said with a wry smile. Fred shrugged.

"Good luck."

"Yea, good luck." Gunn added when she turned to him. "Kick a little demon ass in there for me OK?"

"You got it." She promised, giving him an impulsive hug.

"Aww don't leave me out!" Lorne exclaimed hugging the slayer as soon as Gunn was finished. "If you make it back I would love to hear you sing sometime. There's more power to you than just slayer strength honey."

"Thanks." She turned to see Connor staring at her intensely.

"Bring my father back." He all but pleaded. "I screwed up big time and I want the chance to make it right. Bring him back."

"I'll do my best Connor I promise." She vowed. He nodded, swallowing the tears she could tell were in his eyes. Leaning closer she whispered in his ear. "Remember what we talked about....keep her safe....please."

"With all my heart, I will." He whispered back.

"Dawn," was all she could manage to say as she turned to look at her sister. She was trembling, Buffy could see it and longed to reach out to her, but feared Dawn's reaction if she did so.

"Buffy please," she begged through the tears that coursed freely down her cheeks. "Please don't leave me again."

"It's OK Dawn," she assured her. "You won't be alone. I promise."

"No I won't." Dawn agreed bitterly. "I will have Connor here, sworn to protect me. It's not enough and we both know it. I need you Buffy. You're my sister, my family. You're all I've got left."

"I know." She said with a shuddering sigh. "And believe me, the last thing I want to do is leave you, but Dawn....I love him. And if it were you that had been lost to that place I would go in there after you as well. You know that. Don't you see? I have to do this. I have to."

"Buffy please..." Dawn sobbed, "I'm so afraid. Please don't leave me."

"You know I have to Dawnie," Buffy told her, tenderly touching her hair and running her fingers through it. "You know I have to get him back."

"I know," she finally whispered. "I guess that's just the price you pay when you are a hero."

"Guess so." Buffy agreed, allowing the tears she had been withholding to roll down her cheeks as well. Reaching for her sister, she clutched Dawn tightly to her, allowing herself to revel in the love she held for her little sister one last time before she was potentially lost to her forever. "But jumping into the hell dimension is not heroic. It's stupid, like Fred said. Staying here, after I leave, continuing on with you life no matter what happens....that's heroic. I'm counting on you Dawn to be my hero."

"I can do that." She promised. "I love you Buffy."

"I love you Dawnie," she murmured, kissing her sister on the cheek before turning away and looking at Wesley.

"All set." He said with a nod. "Let's open the portal."


	61. Reality cripples

Wesley chanted the words for the spell so softly Buffy could barely hear him. As the spell progressed however, she felt her strength literally draining from her into Wesley. She could feel herself growing progressively weaker as the spell demanded more and more from her. Towards the end of it, she was finding it difficult to stand upright, using Wesley's hand as an anchor of sorts.

"It's done." Wesley's words echoed in her thoughts, causing her to swallow her fear and step back from him, her knees shaking from being so severely weakened. Wesley turned and handed the portal to Dawn who stood tall, refusing to allow her emotions to cripple her. If this was what her sister wanted, Dawn would do it for her without hesitation.

"Are you ready?" She asked gently, noticing that Buffy was having trouble standing.

"I'm ready." Her sister replied stoutly. "Send me in."

Dawn nodded and took a deep breath, stealing her resolve and emotions. With all her strength, she closed her eyes and hurled the portal in Buffy's direction. She heard it hit Buffy, heard it suck her in, heard it close, but didn't open her eyes. She couldn't bear to.

When she finally did, there was no evidence left to show that Buffy had even stood in that spot at all. It was then she broke down.

"Oh God," she whispered through her tears. "She's really gone."

Suddenly unable to support herself, her knees gave out. Connor was instantly behind her as she fell backwards into the comforting solidness of his chest. His arms encircled her, as if they had a will entirely their own and in that moment, she let go of all the bravery and strength she had been clinging to. As she broke down in tears, she allowed Connor to comfort her. She allowed him to be her strength. She allowed herself to let go.


	62. Deal with the Devil

Buffy wasn't sure how long she was unconscious for. She blinked, as she opened her eyes, expecting to see the fire and brimstone she had been expecting of the hell dimension she had just been sent to. Instead, she found herself in a warm, green field on a beautiful summery day lying next to some of the most amazing flowers and greenery she had ever seen in her life.

Standing up, she looked around, trying to find out where she was, if she was even in the right place.

"Hello!" She called out. "Hello! Angel? Galendil! Anybody?"

She stood there calling out for quite some time until eventually her voice went hoarse and she was tired of yelling. The field was completely empty, save for the sound of her own voice and that alone was more unnerving than fire and brimstone could ever be.

She sat down in the field, realizing that searching for someone would most likely be a useless waste of energy. She suddenly had a feeling that if Galendil wanted to be found, he would show himself eventually. And she was right.

After two days of sitting in the field, the demon God decided to appear before her. She wasn't surprised when a hole suddenly appeared in the beautiful atmosphere, nor was she shocked to see the demon God step through it. She simply waited, unblinking and unimpressed with the pomp and circumstance Galendil brought with him.

The demon had assumed a human guise for the time being, a harmless looking business man in a suit and tie, but Buffy had the feeling the being's true form was much more imposing and that she would see that soon enough.

"I was getting bored." She said with a small smile.

"Ah, my newest arrival." Galendil said with a grin. "And if I'm not mistaken, the woman who cost my faithful earth servant the power I was to bestow upon him. Now I have to wait another five hundred years before I can try again...do you know how taxing that can be?"

"Sorry." She said with a shrug. "But no offense, giving that kind of power to a politician is never a good idea. Besides...I didn't like his platform."

"Apparently he wasn't happy with yours either." Galendil said with a grin. "I don't know how he did it, but not only did he manage to use the rest of my power to send the vampire here, but the slayer as well. Very fun for me."

"I got news for you," she said standing up and bringing herself nose to nose with the demon God, "Adamson didn't send me here. I brought myself. I came here willingly."

"You think I'm an idiot?" Galendil said with a laugh. Buffy considered this for a moment.

"Well, yea." She replied.

"It's not possible to send yourself here slayer. There's only one way to get to this place and that's if your sent. Nobody comes here willingly."

"Ahh, but I found a loophole." She told him defiantly. "I asked someone to send me here. My sister threw that portal at me upon my request. I may not have stepped through it on my own, but it was my decision to get sent here. Any rule can be broken if you do it right. If being a slayer has taught me anything, it's how to break the rules."

"Well," Galendil said, clearly shocked. "That is different. Tell me slayer, if what you say is true, why would you want to be sent here? Surely it isn't for my company since you fought so hard to keep my power from reaching your world."

"No it isn't for your company." She said with a laugh. "Are all you Gods this arrogant? I came because you have something of mine."

"And what is that?" Galendil questioned, still unsure of why the slayer had come willingly to his hell dimension.

"The vampire." She replied. "He was sent here by Adamson and I want him back. What's more, you're going to give him to me."

"I am, am I?" Galendil said with a laugh. "Tell me child how do you expect to retrieve him and escape? You clearly haven't done your homework. The only way out of here is by my good graces, and if you had done any research on me you would find that I haven't any. You may be a slayer in your dimension, but in mine you are just a girl. You are powerless and you belong to me. There is nothing you can do for your vampire except suffer alongside him."

"Fine." She said in a resigned tone. "Then take me to him."

"That's it then?" Galendil said in surprise. "You're not going to fight me? You're not going to try to escape?"

"If I thought it would accomplish anything I would." She replied honestly. "But as you said I'm in your world now. I came here willingly and if I can't take Angel with me then I don't want to escape. What I do want is to be near him, and if suffering alongside him is all I can get, well then I will take it."

"You are one interesting slayer." Galendil said, appreciatively. "And believe me, I've had one or two slayers sent to me in my day. I'll tell you what. I'll make you a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Buffy asked, already on her guard.

"I've never had anybody come to me willingly, least of all a slayer." Galendil admitted, "and to be honest, I find your idealism and willingness to suffer to be terribly interesting. Certainly it's something I've never seen before. The deal is this. You will face three trials of my choosing. If you pass them, you are free to leave and to take your vampire with you. If you fail, then I keep him, I keep you and I keep your soul. You give that to me for all eternity."

"My soul..." Buffy said, confused.

"The one thing I can't take from you unless you give it to me willingly. People can send other people to this dimension to suffer, but they can't be robbed of their souls. I don't have that ability." Galendil admitted. "If you lose this trial however, you and your soul are mine forever. That's beyond mere suffering, do you understand that?"

"How do I know these trials will be fair?" She demanded. "How do I know it's even possible for someone to pass them? That this isn't a trick to get me to just hand you my soul?"

"You don't." Galendil said simply. "And you really can't trust me in any way, shape or form. You either think the risk is worth it, or you don't. At least if you go through the trials you have a hope of escaping here with your vampire. If you don't attempt them, you stay here for eternity. What is your decision?"

"I accept." She said quietly, so quietly she wasn't even sure she had spoken. Her body was tight with ice cold fear. Her heart felt like lead. "I accept your offer. I will go through your trials, and if I lose my soul is yours. I have one term for you though."

"Oh I can tell I am going to enjoy you." Galendil whispered menacingly. "You have a quite the soul, I can see that already. What is your 'term'?"

"I want to see him." She stated. Her eyes were level, her stare unfaltering. She stood tall, brave, knowing that her dignity and her strength were all she had in the face of such an overwhelming task ahead of her. "I want to see Angel before the trials. I need to."

"I can't see any harm in that I suppose." Galendil said with a shrug. "I will allow your soul to say farewell to his before you go through the trials. After that however, I will come for you slayer and then it will begin. Is that understood?"

"It is." She replied softly. "Thank you."

Galnedil blinked, shocked that someone should thank him, especially under the circumstances, yet nevertheless, snapped his fingers and delivered Buffy to a very shocked Angel, so that she could explain the deal she had just made with the demon God Galendil.


	63. Buffy's sacrifice

Buffy was not prepared for the sight of Angel huddled in the corner of the prison Galendil had fashioned for him. His clothing was tattered, almost gone all together, his skin was covered in painful looking burns and various cuts, both deep and shallow. His face was barely visible under layers of dirt, grime and blood and his hair was matted and unkempt. He was shaking, terrified of everything around him. Buffy's heart broke to see him so frightened and alone. She silently vowed to herself to pass those trials, if only to erase this place from Angel's mind all together.

"Angel?" She whispered tentatively. She stepped carefully toward him and stopped short when he buried his face in his hands and began giggling uncontrollably. His giggles were high pitched, barely sounding like him at all and Buffy knew he was bordering on hysteria. "Angel it's OK, it's me."

"Buffy!" He managed through gulping heaps of laughter. "No, not Buffy. Never Buffy. A trick....I see you, but not you...never you. Not Buffy. Such a pretty trick. Not Buffy...."

"Angel...." She said again, willing herself to stay strong, to convince him that it was her and bring him out of whatever dark place he was in right now, if only for a moment. "God what did he do to you? Angel it's me, I promise. I'm not a vision OK? Look at me."

"No!" He cried out, hiding his face even further. "It speaks, it sounds like you, it sounds like her...stop, please, stop! I can't....stop! So much like her!"

"Angel!" She said sharply. "Damn it Angel look at me! I'm real, please you have to believe me. I'm here." She stepped closer to him and knelt down in front of him, touching his hands as gently as possible and moving them slowly away from his face. "I'm here Angel. It's me."

Shaken visibly not only by the gentleness in her voice but by the touch of her hands as well, Angel's eyes widened in belief, and terror as coherence returned to him and he realized that she wasn't a vision.

"Buffy," he whispered in shock. She smiled and traced her finger gently over a cut that adorned his face.

"That looks painful," she murmured.

"NO!" He burst out angrily. His eyes had suddenly narrowed into fury-filled slits and his entire body became taut. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! You can't be here! You can't....What the hell are you doing here? Why would you come here?"

"It's OK," she said, attempting to soothe him. "I'm going to get you out."

"Are you insane?" He yelled, shoving her hands roughly away from him. "Get out! Get out now! Don't you see? If you're here than it was for nothing! GO!"

"Angel you're not thinking clearly," she pleaded, trying to get him to listen to her. "I'm going to help you get out, but you have to listen to me."

"Didn't you hear me?!" He bellowed, grabbing her roughly by the shoulders as he leapt to his feet and shoving her backwards so hard she had to grab onto the wall in order to keep from falling. "I said get out! Find a way back! Get the hell away from me, I don't want you hear can't you see that? You're not supposed to be here, that's not how it was supposed to go!"

"There is no just going back and you know it!" She shot back. "Did you really expect me to just leave you here?"

"Yes!" He cried furiously. "I jumped in front of you Buffy, I got sucked into this place so that you wouldn't be! How could you do this? Why would you do this?"

"Why do you think?" She burst out, "because I love you! I'm so sick of you playing the martyr Angel! I'm so sick of losing you, so sick of....I'm getting us out of here and you have to trust that."

"It was all for nothing then." He whispered softly, his shoulders slumping and falling back against the wall for support. He was too injured to remain physically upright on his own power for too long. "You're not getting out Buffy, and neither am I. We're stuck here. Both of us. I don't even want to look at you."

"Angel you can't mean that..." she took a step towards him once more, attempting to touch him, to get through to him. Before she could react, his hands had roughly seized her wrists and she was flipped around and slammed into the cement wall. Her head connected painfully and she felt dizzy for a moment. Looking up, she saw Angel's eyes were blazing which unleashed anger, his teeth clenched tightly together, barely able to conceal his rage. When he spoke, his voice was suffused with pain, and loathing, for herself or for him, she wasn't sure.

"Look at me! I'm barely recognizable! LOOK AT ME! Is this what you wanted? Does this make you happy? Look what you've done....take a good look because this will be you soon. This blood will be yours! This is your future now Buffy and damn you for it!"

"Let go of me!" She pleaded, actually frightened by the murderous anger in his eyes. "You're hurting me!"

At this he only squeezed her wrists harder, his fingernails drawing her blood as they sank into her flesh. She winced at the pain and struggled to break free, but not even her slayer strength could overcome the emotional surge running through him at the moment.

"Angel stop it!" She cried out, "I'm trying to help you!"

"There's no help," he hissed. "only pain and suffering! Want a taste?"

Letting go of one wrist, he lashed out, hitting her as hard as he could in the face before yanking her roughly toward him and crushing his lips to hers in a violent kiss that combined the rage he felt at her for her foolish gesture as well as the overwhelming love in his heart that reminded him she was willing to suffer this pain for him...with him for all eternity.

His fist slamming into her face caught her so off-guard that she was unable to stop him from kissing her. It was rough, violent and frighteningly beautiful all at once. She whimpered into him, wanting him to stop, but at the same time feeling everything inside her respond, even if it was a painful response.

Jumping back, he gazed at her in horror, unable to believe what he had just done.

"Oh God!" His voice cracked and he began to shake all over. "Oh God what did I do? Buffy....please, it's not me it's this place....I can't...you can't....I'm so sorry! I wanted to spare you, I didn't want you do hurt this way! Please, I didn't want you to hurt, I'm so sorry!"

Sinking to his knees, he buried his face in his hands and let the tears overtake him. This place was turning him into a monster and he was powerless to stop it.

"Angel," her voice was a soft whisper in his ear, causing him to freeze entirely, anxiously. Once again, she removed his hands gently from his face and stared into his eyes, her own full of love and forgiveness. "It's OK."

"Why couldn't you just leave me here?" He whispered brokenly. "Why?"

"Because I couldn't leave you," she rasped, feeling his despair full force and letting it overtake her. "If it were me Angel...if I had jumped in front of the portal meant for you, what would you have done? Would you have come after me? Would you have come here?"

"Yes." He murmured simply. In that moment he saw her actions clear as day. He had jumped in front of that portal instinctively. He hadn't given the idea of self sacrifice a second thought. All that he knew was that he had to spare Buffy the pain and consequently all she had known was that she had to get him out. She had to save him. They were doomed to suffer hear for eternity, because neither one of them was able to let the other suffer alone.

Reaching out to her, he touched the spot where he had hit her, this time gently, reverently, unable to believe that he was even worth the amount of love she harboured for him.

"Don't think about it," she whispered softly. "It's not completely hopeless. We might still get out. I've made a deal with Galendil."

"What kind of deal?" He asked, her words echoing in his ears like some terrible nightmare.

"He's going to set up three trials for me. If I pass all three, we're free to leave...both of us." He smiled through the tears in her eyes and ran her hand tenderly from his cheek down to his collar bone. "Do you hear me? If I pass we can leave."

"And if you fail?" He was almost unable to voice the words, so terrified was he of the answer.

"If I fail..." she hesitated, not wanting Angel to know just what she had promised the demon God and yet knowing that she owed it to him to let him know just what she had done. "If I fail, I give him my soul."

"Buffy?" He echoed, unable to believe what she had just told him. "No! No you can't! Don't you understand? Without your soul..."

"I had to." She told him, shaking her head, "I need to try. I need you safe, and if I can't have you then I don't want my soul. Don't you see? I don't want it, if it means your suffering."

"You're so beautiful." He murmured, floored by the enormity of her sacrifice. "I wish...I wish I could show just how much I love you.....I wish I could......"

"I know." She insisted. "I know Angel, because I love you just as much. I feel you so strongly inside me every day, all of the time, whether you're there or not...don't you know that? You're inside me. Even in my soul, and even if I lose it, part of you will still be there....that's why I'm not afraid."

"So now what?" He asked her. "When do you go through these trials?"

"I don't know." She replied. She took a deep, shuddering breath. "I asked Galendil to send me here, so that....so that I could say goodbye before I got through the trials. I guess he'll come for me once we've said it."

"Then don't," he said urgently. "Don't say good bye. Just.....just let me hold you.....let me feel you, for as long as.....I need you."

"Angel..."

"Don't talk OK? Just be here....just let me hold you."

"OK," was all she said before the they came together, holding one another, gripping each other tightly, desperately, unable to get enough as they waited for the demon God to reappear and for Buffy to face the fight for her soul, as well as for Angel's future.


	64. Dawn the hero

"Is there anything I can do?" Connor's voice was gentle...patient, trying his best to be supportive towards Dawn, wanting to reach her to somehow restore the smile to her face that she had since lost to complete despair.

"No, thanks." Dawn told him, with a small smile in his direction. She knew how desperately he wanted to help, to make her feel better and given his lack of knowledge of human interaction in an Earthly dimension he was doing fairly well under the circumstances. She wished she could tell him what he could do to help her feel better, but she herself didn't know and that was almost harder than losing her sister to a hell dimension had been.

She had been sitting in the lobby of the hotel since she had sent Buffy in there, staring at the last spot that her sister had been in. Wesley was still there, concerned about her emotional welfare as it had been he who had initially refused to throw the portal at Buffy.

The others, uncomfortable both in Wesley's presence and in hers had vacated in an effort to give her some space. Connor had stubbornly refused to go anywhere and secretly Dawn was grateful for that.

"What happens now then?" Wesley asked the two of them quietly. "With you I mean Dawn. Are you...going back to Sunnydale?"

"What?" She looked up at Wesley, confused as to what he was getting at. Why would she go back to Sunnydale? What if her sister needed her help getting back?

"You can only stay here for so long Dawn." Wesley said reasonably. "Surely you know that. Waiting for your sister to return is all fine and well, but if she doesn't you'll need to get on with your life. Do you have someone in Sunnydale to care for you?"

"I....I...don't...I can't think about this." She turned away, unable to allow her mind to comprehend the idea that Buffy might not ever return and that she was now, for all intents and purposes without any family, essentially without a home. Oh sure, she could eventually go back to Sunnydale and Willow and the others would do their best to care for her. They would live in her house and carry on fighting demons like they always did, feeling the loss keenly but they wouldn't know how it was for her. They couldn't. They would do their best to be the family she had lost, but it would always be a created family to Dawn, and she was tired of creations. Buffy was the only real thing she had known in her life. Even she wasn't real. Her mother, her friends, her memories, everything except for her sister weren't real, had never been real...a creation. How could she live her life having lost the only real part of herself?

"It's unpleasant Dawn, but you have to think about it." Wesley continued, oblivious to the depth of Dawn's distress. "Now I'm sure that Fred, Gunn and the others would be more than happy to care for you here, but it would probably be in your best interests to return to Sunnydale and you need to start thinking about that."

"I can take care of her." Connor said softly. "I promised Buffy I would. You can stay here Dawn. You'll be safe here."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Wesley asked Connor. The two of them had never really interacted, but Connor knew who the man was and why the others were all so uncomfortable around him. Interestingly enough, Connor felt no anger towards Wesley for the actions he had taken with him when he was a child. From what Holtz had told him of Wesley he was an honorable man and what he had done had been done with legitimately honorable intentions even if, as Holtz had said, they were misguidedly in league with the vampire. Upon meeting Wesley, Connor knew that what Holtz had said about him had been true. He was an honorable, if lost, man and Connor respected that. He wouldn't tolerate Wesley dictating Dawn's future however. It was neither Wesley's nor his decision to make, although if she decided to go to Sunnydale, Connor had already decided he would follow.

"Buffy asked me to keep her safe." Connor told Wesley. "I can do that. If there's anything in this world that I'm good at...."

"I don't want to hear this." Dawn whispered, inwardly pleading for the two of them to cease this train of thought all together. "Buffy will..."

"Buffy is in one of the most dangerous hell dimensions there is," Wesley told her gently. "And there is a great chance she might not come back. She knew that going in...we all did. Now if she asked Connor to take care of you..."

"I'm not a child!" Dawn cried out angrily. "I can make my own decisions and contrary to what you all think I'm not stupid. I know that she's in a bad place, but I also know my sister. She isn't going to just sit in that place forever twiddling her thumbs and enjoying the torture! She's going to fight. She's going to find a way back and I'm going to wait for her. I have to wait for her."

"What happens if the wait becomes too long?" Wesley asked gently. "What happens when you can't just sit in the hotel anymore? The world isn't going to stop turning now that she's gone and you have to...."

"I know what I have to do." She said angrily. "Who the hell are you to lecture me? You're not in charge of me...none of you are!"

"Dawn..." Connor protested.

"And you!" She whirled angrily on him. "You think you're all noble now because Buffy asked you to 'care' for me? That you're somehow wiser? You can fight off demons Connor, but you cannot run my life. Nobody can anymore but me. I don't belong to you, you got that?"

"I didn't...." Connor looked at Wesley, helpless. "I didn't mean to....."

"Just leave me alone."

Turning away from the both of them, Dawn headed up the stairs to the room that she and Buffy had been sharing and she now had all to herself. She sat down on what had been Buffy's bed and willed the tears to come, wanting nothing more than to have a good cry and release some of the pain. But the tears wouldn't come. She felt numb inside, as if someone had put a cork into her ability to release her emotions and now she was stuck.

Sighing, she shifted slightly and found a white envelope left just beside her. It was unmarked, but Dawn instantly knew it was a letter from Buffy.

"She must have written it before she went to get Wesley," she murmured to herself. Tearing the envelope open, she began to read in her mind, attempting to picture her sister's voice speaking as she did so.

_Dawn,_

_I know you're probably very angry with me by now. I wish I could say that everything will work out OK this time, but I'm not sure of that and lying to you wouldn't even be convincing on paper. Obviously I have left already and what has become of me...well I don't even know that. I do know that I'm sorry for leaving you here all by yourself. I wish I could have saved Angel some other way, but I honestly believe in my heart that it wasn't possible. You know me, always following my heart rather than my head. Come to think of that, I believe you inherited that trait from me...it can be really annoying actually. _

_I only bring that up because I realize that right now you may be harbouring illusions of going in after me, to try to save me. Please don't. I don't want you here, wherever it is I am. If I never get out...if I end up spending eternity in pain and torture, the only consolation that I have is in knowing that you are safe and you are with friends. I love you Dawn more than anything in the world and I know that my leaving is hard for you to accept, but if you care about me at all you won't come in after me. Stay here, live your life, enjoy it. You were right when you said I was jealous. You really can have everything that Angel and I couldn't. You can have a normal life Dawn and you can have it with Connor if he is the one you want. You are not restricted by duty, destiny or anything else that has been my life. Enjoy that. Be happy, make Connor happy. I honestly don't dislike him. How can I? He's part of Angel, and if the two of you are together than part of both of us will survive. _

_As for what you will do if I don't come back...that's entirely up to you. I asked Connor to keep you safe, only because he is physically strong and cares for you emotionally enough to do so. Don't think that means you have to stay in LA though. If you don't want to, then you can return to Sunnydale and I am sure the gang will care for you there. You don't 'belong' to anyone, OK? _

_As for the gang, wait a couple of weeks before you tell them what I've done. Realistically there is a good chance that I'm stuck in this dimension forever, but idyllically I would like to think I'll be back as soon as possible. Wait before you make them think they won't ever see me again. Believe that I will make it out with Angel with me. Only when you yourself are absolutely sure that I'm gone, then you can tell them the circumstances of it. It's your call Dawn. I trust you to make the right decision. I do have something I want you to do for me though. Please tell them why I had to do this. Help them understand why I couldn't say good bye. I only realized after I made the decision to do what I've done that I couldn't call them and tell them my intentions...they would never have let me do it. They mean well, but..._

_Tell Giles: I'm sorry. I know he expected better of me. Slayers don't just give up, or jump into stupidly lethal situations with no plans and no backup...at least, good slayers don't. I've never really fit into the traditional slayer mode and a lot of the time that has been to my benefit, but not here I think. Tell him that I didn't want to do it, that I should be over Angel enough to let him stay in this place, but...well, it's Angel and I am weak. Tell him I'm sorry. He trained me to be the strongest physical fighter I could be, but he could never get rid of my emotional weaknesses. Tell him that's not his fault. Don't let him think otherwise. Give him my love. _

_Tell Willow: Don't try to do any spells to get me out. This time I really am in a hell dimension, but I consciously chose to be here and I am asking her to leave me. I know it's a lot to ask of her, especially after she pulled me from heaven only to have me end up here, but...unless she can get both Angel and I out successfully I wish to remain. I wish to suffer. Tell her that she is my best friend and that I don't blame her for removing me from heaven. She loved me and I can't fault that. Tell her I never will. _

_Tell Xander: I love him. I can't really think of any fancy words or things to say for Xander other than that. He's never really cared for Angel and he may not understand why I've done this. He may even be angry with me. Tell him that's OK. Tell him I am perfectly cool with him hating me if he chooses to do so. But tell him that won't keep me from loving him and missing him. Life without his humour and wit is hell in and of itself, never mind the dimension. Make sure he knows that._

_Tell Anya: Take care of Xander. I know you guys aren't still together and I know you're angry at him for what he did to you and I'm not asking you to forgive him for that. All I'm asking is that you watch out for him. Don't let him do anything human and stupid. I trust you know more about human stupidity and how to avoid it than anybody else does and that's why I'm asking it of you. _

_I guess that's it Dawn. I wish I had the time to write more, to say more to everyone, but I don't. I wish I had more time to spend with you before I go, but I can't leave Angel there like that. I know you understand that, even if you don't think you do. _

_I love you Dawn, always and forever. Never forget that. I'm so proud of you and I know that whatever you do, it will be something heroic. Don't forget to be my hero. I'm counting on you Dawn.  
-Your sister, _

_Buffy. _

Setting the letter down, Dawn finally found she had the tears. Placing her head in her hands, she allowed herself to weep, and allowed herself to face the idea of a future with Buffy not in it. It was heartbreaking surely, but it was no longer frightening. Buffy believed in her and that was all she needed for now.


	65. Hell's true nature

It was only a matter of time before Galendil appeared once more causing Buffy to reluctantly pull away from Angel and turn to face the demon God.

"Human beings are so emotional." Galendil stated, with more curiosity in his tone than anything else. "You know what sorts of tragedies exist, know they are inevitable and yet you fight fiercely to stop them and allow yourself to feel the pain and agony when you fail. I don't understand why you don't just accept what cannot be changed and live your lives accordingly."

"Because," Buffy whispered, finally understanding something that had previously eluded her. "That's what it means to be human. To feel...it's the most important thing in the world. Win or lose, that's what makes us who we are."

"I wish I could find that touching." Galendil said with a mock sigh. "Unfortunately all I feel is the desire to witness some of that human suffering at work. Are you ready for your first trial?"

"Wait," Angel said urgently stepping forward, unable to allow Buffy to willingly go through with this. Pulling the demon God to the side so that Buffy couldn't here, he made one last desperate plea for Buffy's life. "Send her back. Please. Send her back and take my soul instead. I don't want this....I want her to be safe."

"And that is where I will prove even more the victor." Galendil said with a smile. "You think that I just want to physically hurt you? You are the most interesting specimen of all, for although you are technically a beast, you have the heart of a human being and therefore all of their silly emotions. And this wouldn't be hell unless you suffered. Now I have tortured you physically and mentally since you got here, but I know now that however much you suffer, I can never touch or hurt part of you until I hurt her. You would stay here and suffer bravely for all eternity, never knowing true pain if she were safe. And this wouldn't be any kind of hell dimension if you didn't experience true pain, now would it? To hurt you, I have to hurt her. You two are a package deal it seems, frustrating as that is."

"Fine, you want us both to suffer....I get that." Angel looked to where Buffy stood defiantly, refusing to believe her cause was hopeless, despite the sinking look of triumph on Galendil's face. "But why put her through a trial you know she can't win? Why not just cut straight to the torture, I mean you are capable of it...this is your hell dimension isn't it?"

"You want to get to hurting her quicker?" Galendil asked, clearly surprised by the request.

"I don't want this...this...ruse to go on longer than it has to, that's all." He replied with a world weary sigh. "We both know this trial thing isn't legitimate, that there's no way she can pass these tasks. You've won OK? Why do this?"

"Because hope is the thing that can crush a person the most," Galendil said menacingly. "Besides, what makes you think these trials cannot be passed? Nearly impossible, I'll grant you, but they are passable."

"You really expect me to believe you would keep your word even if she did pass them?" Angel's eyes narrowed and his voice lowered to an angry hiss.

"I am nothing if not honorable." Galendil said simply. "You can choose to believe that or not as you see fit, but I can guarantee if by some miracle she happens to pass my trials both of you will go home."

"Then it's you who have made the mistake." Angel said with a small smile. "If you really are telling the truth and these trials aren't impossible to pass, then you've already lost. If there's any possibility that Buffy can pass them, she will...because that's who she is."

"It's touching that you have so much faith in her." Galendil said with a laugh. "But I assure you she will fail. And when she does, my victory will be much sweeter."

"You sure talk a hell of a lot, don't you?" Buffy interrupted, her voice flat and laced with scorn. "Are we going to get to it or what?"

"Of course." Galendil said with mock politeness and a sweep of his arm. "Your vampire here just thought it necessary to give me a pep talk on your behalf. Seems he's confident that your victory is already in the bag. We'll see about that, won't we?"

"I suppose we will." She said, her voice steady. Turning back to Angel, she saw the fear and frustration in his eyes at the fact that there was nothing he could do to stop her from doing this. Touching his cheek gently she smiled, hoping to reassure him that this was the right thing to do.

"Buffy..." his voice was soft and broke before he could completely utter her name. "I believe in you."

"I know you do." She replied, a lump forming in her throat as she gazed into his dark eyes for what might be the last time. "Angel...if I lose..."

"Don't..." he pleaded, not wanting to hear any further. She placed her index finger on his lips, effectively silencing him. He stood and listened to her, paralyzed.

"If I lose Angel," her voice shuddered as she spoke, "I want you to know...it was worth it. OK? Don't blame yourself or regret what I did. Because I never will. Hold on to that. Hold on to me. Never let me go."

"Never," he echoed with a fierce shake of his head. Leaning forward, he kissed her one final time, fighting back the tears in his eyes and tasting the salt in hers. "I love you."

"I know." She said with a small, tearful smile. "And I love you. Hold on to that too. I'll see you soon OK?"

He nodded, not trusting his vocal chords any further and watched with a sinking heart as she walked away from him, perhaps to her doom. After she was out of eyesight he let out an inhuman cry of fear, anger, pain and anguish, thinking Buffy lost to him forever, and leaving him to wait, powerless to help her...unable to save her. It suddenly occurred to him that he was in hell.


	66. Trial 1: Paradise lost again

Buffy was in heaven. At least it felt that way. She had walked a little ways with Galendil, not really listening as he talked about how the first task would most likely be her undoing. Before she even knew it, he was gone and she was back in the heavenly place that she had been in after she had jumped off the tower to save her sister.

The idea that none of it was real only crossed her mind once, before she forgot about Galendil and her three trials all together. Suddenly everything that had happened to her in the last year was gone. In her mind it had never happened and all that remained was her sacrifice for Dawn and the peace she now felt, knowing that her journey was over and that she was complete.

It felt like she was drifting for a little while, content to just be here in this place, away from all the pain and difficult decisions that had plagued her human life. There was no pain, no loss, no suffering. She didn't have to fight, didn't have to kill anymore. She was so tired, but had eternity to rest, never worrying for herself or her friends again. Somehow she knew that they would be OK without her, and that feeling above all else was wonderful.

And then her mother was there. Buffy could not only see her, but feel her all around her. She could feel her love, her support, her gentle kindness. She smiled, feeling her heart swell and her mother smiled back.

"Mom?" Her voice was tentative, questioning, as if she expected at any moment for all of this to be a dream that would vanish at any moment.

"It's me Buffy," her mother said gently. "I've been waiting for you."

"I...I lost. I died." She shook her head, remembering her jump off the tower. Suddenly she was consumed with doubt. "I shouldn't be here. I killed myself. I should be..."

"You belong here sweetie," Joyce replied lovingly. "You've fought for so long. It's time you rested. Every slayer dies."

"Part of me wanted it too though," she admitted. "Part of me was so tired of fighting."

"I know," Joyce told her, embracing her finally and allowing Buffy to be a child again. "I watched you. I felt the pain you went through. I saw it all. But it's over now. You are finished and we're together. Everything is going to be OK."

"It is?" Her voice was unsure. Her mother nodded and smiled once more.

"All you have to do is make one last choice." She told her. "Then it will be over."

"What do I have to do?" Buffy was suddenly overcome with worry. She followed her mother, as she walked toward the edge of the paradise they were in and waved her hand over a pool of light, showing Buffy a very familiar image.

It was one of Dawn standing on that tower and watching the portal to Glory's world open before her, her eyes filled with terror.

"Mom what?" She looked to her mother, desperate for reassurance that this image was false, but her mother's eyes gave away none.

"You have to make one last choice Buffy." She told her.

"I already did." She exclaimed desperately. "It's how I ended up here remember? This already happened Mom, it can't be happening again! This is wrong!"

"No sweetie," her mother said regretfully. "This happened after you slit your wrists when Glory captured Dawn."

"When I slit..." she trailed off, not wanting to believe what her mother was saying. "No...I didn't....I wouldn't....I would save Dawn. I know I would save Dawn."

"You only think you saved her Buffy." Joyce continued, oblivious to her daughter's panic. "The truth is, when Glory captured Dawn instead of going into a comatose state, you drove the gang home, went up to take a bath and slit your wrists in the tub."

"No!" She cried out, "no I couldn't have! I wouldn't have!"

"Look at me Buffy," Joyce encouraged her daughter. "Would I lie to you?"

"Why?" She mumbled, tears filling her eyes. "Why am I here? I don't deserve to be here! Not if I...why show me this?"

"You're right Buffy you don't deserve to be here." Joyce said gently. "That's why I'm showing this to you. I'm giving you a choice."

"What kind of choice?" She wondered, dreading her mother's next words.

"A choice for you to set things right." Joyce replied. "Dawn is about to jump into the portal to save the world. She's about to make the sacrifice that you should have made. If she does that, she will go to a hell dimension and suffer unbearable torment. You will be allowed to remain here, on this heavenly plane with me, but you will forever know that your sister suffers so that you can live in peace."

"I can't do that to Dawn." She whispered softly. "What's the other option?"

"You can go back." Joyce stated calmly. "You can give up your life here, and go back to that tower and make the jump. You can save your sister's soul, but you will have to forgo your own because if you jump then you will go to hell. Dawn will live, while you will suffer. What is your choice?"

"I can't....you can't...." She was suddenly too overcome with terror and emotion to think straight. "How can you ask this of me? How can you ask me to leave heaven for hell? How can you ask me to choose eternal suffering in the after life, when that's all I've ever known in life?"

"I'm not asking you Buffy," Joyce replied softly. "I'm telling you that those are your choices. Nobody ever said that they would be fair. Look at your sister. She's getting ready to jump. Does she deserve to suffer in a hell dimension? This is the question you have to ask yourself."

"This isn't right." She whispered, tears coursing freely down her cheeks. "I can't do this to her."

"So don't." Her mother said with a shrug. "You can suffer in her place it's up to you. Why don't you look at the situation in a more objective manner? Dawn has lived a fairly easy life. She hasn't had the trials of being the slayer that you've had, and she hasn't lived long enough to become angry and bitter at the unfairness of it all. You might say that she's barely suffered at all, with the exception of my death. You on the other hand.....well, we both know that being the slayer has brought you nothing but suffering and pain all throughout your life. Who could blame you for ending it really? By that logic you could conclude that you deserve eternal peace far more than she does."

"No!" She cried, unable to believe her mother was even suggesting this. "I can't....I won't....Dawn is an innocent."

"And by that logic you could look at it in a completely different light. She is, as you just said an innocent. Being the slayer was never her birthright. It was never her destiny. It was yours. She shouldn't be standing on that tower giving her life to save the world. That's your job. You were chosen for it, not her. Does she really deserve to suffer for it? Does she really deserve to live in hell because you wouldn't save her when it really mattered?"

"Oh God," Buffy whispered, feeling her heart break cleanly in half as she felt the rightness of her mother's words. "You're right. I have to save her. I have to go back."

"Are you sure Buffy?" Her mother questioned, looking so heartbroken that Buffy almost changed her mind right then and there. "You could stay here Buffy. You wouldn't think about Dawn all that often and we could be together. We could have the time that we never had before."

"How can you say this?" She wondered, recoiling from the callous tone in her mother's voice. "How can you ask me to let Dawn go to hell?"

"She wasn't even real Buffy." Joyce reasoned. "She was created. Why should you die for her? Why should you suffer for her? It never should have been your job to care for her in the first place. That wasn't part of being the slayer. Why should you go to hell for her?"

"It doesn't matter how she was created." Buffy told her mother with a small sob. "She's my sister. I can feel that. The monks may have created memories, but they couldn't create love. That's real. I vowed to protect her because I loved her, not because I had to. And I failed her. I have to make it right."

"I'm your mother Buffy." Joyce pleaded. "I'm real. Are you really going to leave me here all alone?"

"You're in heaven Mom." She said sadly, "it's a happy place. There are worse places to be alone. I have to help. I'm going back. How do I do it?"

"How do you get back you mean? Just close your eyes Buffy and let your heart decide. Once it has, and the decision is final, then you will suffer the consequences."

"I'm so sorry." She told her mother. "There is nothing I would rather do than stay here with you. But I have to protect my sister."

"Goodbye Buffy." Her mother said, her voice completely void of any emotion.

"I love you Mom," she murmured softly before being ripped away from complete peace and happiness for the second time.

When she opened her eyes again, she saw Galendil standing before her looking incredibly annoyed. Suddenly it all came flooding back to her and she realized that none of it had been real. Her mother, the heavenly dimension, her slitting her wrists, Dawn jumping from the tower it had all been part of test.

"It seems you passed the first trial," the demon God said through gritted teeth.

"That was the test? To get me to give up paradise? Why?"

"I wanted to see if you could do it yourself." Galendil said with a shrug. "The first time it wasn't your doing. Your friends pulled you out against your will. I wanted to see if given the choice if you would do it willingly to save your sister. It was silly of me really. I was banking on you opting to stay in heaven instead of willingly leaving. It seems I foolishly underestimated you."

"Yea well a lot of people make that mistake." She said flippantly. "It's the blond hair...throws 'em off all the time."

"Since the first trial was perhaps too easy for you I might have to up the stakes." Galendil smiled maliciously. "Are you ready for your second trial?"

Buffy took a deep breath and shut her eyes, trying desperately to rid herself of the feeling of utter peace and contentment that she knew was now lost to her forever and to concentrate on the fight at hand. She still had two more trials to pass.

"I'm ready." She said confidently. "Bring it on."


	67. Caged fury

"I don't think I've ever seen a vampire so perfectly resemble a caged animal." Galendil's tone was nonchalant as he observed Angel pacing to a fro inside his cell, wracked with guilt and worry for Buffy's well being. "She passed her first trial you know."

"And I'm supposed to be relieved by that?" He sneered back at the demon God. "I still don't know if I can trust you to keep your word, even if she manages to pass all three and come to that, she still has two to go."

"You're right, she does." Galendil agreed. "And she's about to commence the second one which will be significantly more difficult than the first."

"Why are you even telling me this?" Angel wondered, wishing that he could wrap his hands around the demon God's neck and choke the life out of him. "Either way I'm going to find out the outcome of your little game eventually so if you don't mind, I'd like to spend the remainder of the time waiting away from you and your comments."

"Sadly you are in no position to make such a request." Galendil said simply. "Anyway, I was coming here to offer you something but you are behaving very ungratefully as it is, so perhaps I won't even bother."

"The only thing I want from you is your horrible painful death and I don't see that happening any time soon unfortunately." Angel replied in a low, threatening tone.

"No, I don't foresee that either." Galendil said cheerfully. "But speaking of painful deaths, your girlfriend might just be about to meet hers in the second task. Aren't you even a little bit curious as to what's happening?"

"Would that make you feel better?" Angel growled.

"Seeing you in agony is pleasurable enough actually." Galendil replied in a sinister tone. "Which is why I'm going to give you something you only think you want and watch it tear you apart."

"What are you talking about?" Angel asked in trepidation.

"A window." The demon God said simply. He waved his hand to reveal what looked to be a large battle arena. "A window in which you can watch Buffy as she fights for her life in the second task. You can watch her fight and you can watch her die."

"She is not going to die." Angel hissed furiously. "If you think a physical challenge is the way to go let me tell you that you have lost already. She is the most powerful slayer that I have ever..."

"Slayer maybe." The demon God agreed. "But take those preternatural powers away and she is just a girl. A small, helpless girl who is about to be demon food. You see the challenge started ten minutes ago and she is already beginning to falter Angel. She has to last in there for three days in order to pass. Still think she can do it?"

"She's more than just slayer powers." Angel said firmly, ignoring the plummeting feeling in his stomach that kept whispering Buffy's doom. "Anyone who thinks differently is making a gross understatement."

"Well I guess I'll see about that." He gestured towards the window he had created in the wall of the cell that showed the battle that currently raged between Buffy and a demon that looked to be ten times her size and strength even with her slayer powers. "Personally I don't think she can last thirty minutes, let alone three days. I know that win or lose this is something you would want to see so I'll leave you to it. There's just one other thing."

"What's that?" Angel all but whispered, more afraid of the answer than he had ever been in his entire life.

"This demon she's fighting....there's a catch. You see he's a mirror demon. Even if she does manage to get an effective physical hit on him, he's only going to turn into her worst fear. He will take on the physical characteristics of someone close to her. If she kills him, she will think she's killing someone she loves. Her mother, her sister, her friends...you. Do you think she can handle that? Do you think that for three days she can stand to fight those closest to her? Do you think she can continue to kill those she loves?"

"She killed me once." Angel said with a humourless smile. "I don't doubt her ability to do it as many times as it takes. That's her greatest strength you see. It's not in her slayer powers, it's in her heart. A demon like you could never understand that."

"Maybe not." Galendil agreed. "But I can understand blood, and hers is staining the floor of that arena as we speak. That demon will keep rising until the three days is over no matter what. Your girl can only afford to die once. Think about that as you watch."  
"I'm going to rip your throat out." Angel whispered, taken over completely with a murderous rage that he had never known, not even as Angelus. "I swear that somehow..."

"Strangely, not frightened." Galendil shrugged. He waved, and then disappeared. Angel turned back to watch in the mirror as Buffy continued to fight.


	68. Trial 2: Fight or flight

A day passed and Angel watched, white knuckled as Buffy fought the demon through the window. Galendil had been right and sure enough after Buffy managed to kill it for the first time it then took on the guise of Dawn.

He watched as she fought the mental agony of hurting what seemed in almost every way to be her sister and preyed that she would have the strength to look past that and keep herself alive.

The demon was strong, and Angel feared for her every time a blow managed to make contact. He wanted to look away, but was unable to do so. Fear, hope and love kept him glued to the scene unfolding before him.

He was too strong. And as the second day of the challenge wore on, Angel could see that she wouldn't last much longer. Her natural instinct as a slayer encouraged her to fight, encouraged her to attack. Without her powers however, her slayer instincts of fight rather than flight were proving from what Angel could see to be a hindrance, rather than any help.

"Back off Buffy," he found himself whispering, pleading even though he knew she couldn't hear him. "Don't attack. Retreat, run.....hide! Don't let him hurt you. Only a day and a half left..."

But she kept fighting. She kept advancing and every time she did, she was beaten back harder, and more blood was spilt.

"Damn it Buffy!" He hissed angrily. "Stay alive for me! Please, you have to make it!"

He watched helplessly as his words went unheeded and she was thrown viciously against a cement wall in the battle arena.

Letting out a cry of absolute fury and frustration, Angel put his fist through the wall of his cell, reveling in the pain of it. The wall of the cell closed up again after he removed his fist, almost as if it hadn't happened.

"Listen to me Buffy," he whispered brokenly, "hear me. Don't die. Please....please don't die."

She was going to die. She could feel it. She had already lasted too long as it was. No human being should be able to handle this much physical agony and yet it kept getting worse. She wasn't even close to victory. The demon was just toying with her, she could feel it. She hated it.

Dodging a blow to the head that might have resulted in an end game right then and there, Buffy retreated to the other end of the arena in an attempt to regroup and find another strategy. No matter how hard she tried, whatever tricks she had, she just wasn't strong enough. She was beginning to panic.

How could she possibly defeat the demon? How could she survive three days of this? Even if she did manage to kill him, he'd just get back up again and if she took any more beatings it was the end of the road for her.

_Angel, _her head screamed at her. _Think of Angel. You have to save him._ The demon lunged at her and Buffy avoided the blow once more, hastening to the other end of the arena. _Dawn, _she kept thinking, _she needs you. She needs you to come back. Fight! Win for her!_

Ducking once more, she turned round on the demon and kicked it in the back as hard as she possibly could, hoping to have some impact on it. It only made it madder and she only barely managed to avoid a spiked claw meant for her throat. Panic once again seized her as she realized how much longer she had to keep this up.

_Willow, Xander, Giles, Anya, _she kept thinking. _They're your best friends. Stay alive. They couldn't handle it if you died again. They couldn't bear it knowing you were being tortured for real this time. Don't die! _

But how could she live? Every time she hit him, every blow didn't even graze the demon. It made no impact. She was fighting for her life and not even making a dent in the grand scheme of things. To top it all off, the demon kept changing into the image and personalities of her friends. Oddly enough, that was the only part of the entire thing that didn't disturb her. Every time it shifted, it only serve to reinforce that it was a demon pretending to be someone close to her in order to throw her off. It only made it easier for her to concentrate on killing it. But killing it was proving to be incredibly difficult. She had so much more time left, how could she defeat this thing? What would Angel do? What would he say to her if he was here?

"God Angel I need you," she whispered as she rolled under the now Xander-like demon's fist and kicked upwards, attempting to connect with its genitals. It failed and she was hurled against the cement wall of the arena with sickening force.

She could feel herself losing consciousness and the entire world spinning in front of her. _Fight! _The voice screamed at her. _Stay alive! Don't die! _

Suddenly she realized it was no longer her voice urging her to win this challenge. It was Angel's. Looking around, she couldn't see him, but somehow she knew in her heart that he could see her and that he was with her every step of the way.

And then she knew how to win the challenge. She had lost her slayer powers and yet was still relying on her slayer instincts to see her through this and that was her mistake. A slayer's natural inclination is to fight the demon until the demon is dead. A slayer does not think retreat is an option. A slayer fights. That's how a slayer survives.

But a girl...well, a girl is not a slayer and fighting would only get her killed. In order to live, Buffy couldn't afford to fight. She couldn't take the aggressive with this battle. If she could just manage to avoid being hit or thrown by the demon for the remainder of the time of the challenge, she would win.

She had to run from this thing and she had to keep running. She couldn't let it get to her. Smiling, she positioned herself mentally for her new plan.

"I won't let you down Angel." She murmured with grim determination. "I won't let this thing kill me."


	69. Nothing left to do but wait

Galendil roared in absolute fury and anger as the third day came to a close and he returned to the battle arena he had created only to find the slayer still alive, and the demon he had placed in with her dead.

From what he could gather, the slayer had waited until the last minute, dodging most of the blows from the creature and killing him just as her time ran out.

How did she manage it? A slayer, resisting the fight for three whole days? The concept was unfathomable and the idea that she might actually win all three challenges only fueled his anger.

He approached and took the slayer's face into account. It was one gigantic mesh of bruises and blood. She was barely standing, clutching her stomach through her torn and blood stained shirt in pain. He assumed that some ribs had been broken and she might have a concussion of sorts, but other than that she would survive and inevitably heal.

"You look surprised to see me." Her voice was cracked and weak, but a note of triumph existed in her voice.

"I must admit that I am." He replied smoothly, refusing to allow her to see his frustration at his inability to defeat her and capture her soul. "I thought for sure that this challenge would signify my victory."

"You underestimated me." She said quietly. "Again, I might add."

"It seems I did." He agreed. "But I still have one challenge to go."

"It's not going to be another demon that looks like my friends in a three day cage match is it?" She asked, resorting to the tone of voice he noticed she liked to use when attempting lame or quirky humour. "Because honestly? I thought that one was fairly lame, even by a demon's standards. I mean, at least the first one was clever..."

"Believe me, the third challenge will not be cliché in the slightest my dear." He growled. She smiled, happy to have gotten a rise out of him.

"Will I be starting right away, or am I going to get some physical recovery time? It's only fair if...."

"I'm not in the business of fair." Galendil replied shortly. "If I were, I would have set you and the vampire free out of the goodness of my heart. Trust me, it's not an effective way to run a hell dimension."

"I suppose not." Came her reply, her intense gaze fixed on him in apprehension. "So I'll be fighting injured then for the third task?"

"Amusing as that sounds, the third task is not a physical challenge, so in that respect you are quite safe." Galendil admitted. "It will be by no means easy however, and I am hoping that I have not underestimated you too much."

"Let's get on with it then." She requested calmly. "I have people waiting for me at home."

"Your confidence doesn't shake me my dear, so you can drop the act." Galendil curled his lip back in a snarl of pure evil. "I can feel your fear. It's absolutely wonderful."

"Glad you like it." She murmured. "Either way I'm anxious for it to be over with."

"I can imagine." The demon God agreed. "Unfortunately you will have to wait at least an hour or two while I prepare the final challenge for you. I've made up a cell just for you while you wait. I shall come and fetch you when the challenge is ready."

Snapping his fingers, he sent the slayer to the spot he had designated for her and set to getting the final challenge ready for her. If everything went his way, he would own her soul in no time. If she managed somehow to pass, then she would receive everything she wanted and Galendil did not want to see that happen. He wanted her soul more than anything.


	70. Harsh terms

Angel watched, confused as Galendil appeared before him and began assembling various things that looked to him to be spell ingredients. He was instantly suspicious and frightened.

"Resorting to magic where brute force failed?" He taunted. "What are you going to do, turn her into something? It won't work. I can promise you, slayer or warthog, she will still kick your ass."

"Now I can see what she sees in you," Galendil sneered. "It's your romantic nature and way with words."

"What are you going to do to her?" Angel demanded, a little more forcefully this time.

"Ah, there's where you're mistaken." Galendil said somewhat cheerfully this time. "This spell is actually for you, and will be a major part of the third challenge. I can promise you that it will be quite painful, and that it's going to change you forever, whether she wins or loses."

"If you think you're petty threats are going to frighten me then you are sadly mistaken." Angel said defiantly. "Go ahead do whatever it is you're going to do."

"You'll be singing a different tune when this spell hits you. I didn't have to make it painful, there is way to do this without any pain whatsoever, but I have to admit the thought of making you suffer was simply too wonderful for me to pass up." Galendil smiled and then added one final ingredient to the spell. "You can curb your anticipation. I'm done."

"You gonna tell me what you're doing to me first?" Angel wondered. Galendil shook his head indicating the negative.

"Close your eyes vampire." He warned as he raised his hands in preparation for the spell casting. "Cause this is really going to hurt."

As the slayer waited in her cell, the sound of Angel's pained and tortured screams pierced her heart and caused a tear to roll down her cheek as she waited for the demon God to return and the third challenge to begin.

Galendil didn't even bother returning in person when the time had come for the third challenge to start. Buffy felt a strange, light headed sensation and suddenly she was in yet another arena, this time facing two small rooms that looked completely identical, except for different coloured doors on each room.

"What the hell is this?" She demanded, still slightly disoriented from what had obviously been some form of teleportation. Galendil appeared before her, smiling as if he had already won the challenge. "Thought I wasn't going to be fighting again."

"You aren't." Galendil assured her. "This arena is for another purpose altogether. Behind those two doors lies either your destiny or your destruction. This will actually be a fairly simple task."

"What are you talking about?" This time she didn't even attempt to hid the quiver of fear in her voice. "Where's Angel? I heard him screaming, what did you do to him?"

"Merely prepared him for the challenge my dear." Galendil said simply. "This is as much a test for you as it is for him and he is going to be positively instrumental in this."

"You wanna quit with the riddles and snide comments and just cut to the challenge please?" Buffy said, exasperation and anger replacing her earlier fear. "What do I have to do?"

"It's simple." Galendil told her. "Those screams you hear earlier were from a permanent spell I performed on your vampire. Basically I split him in two."

"You spl..." Buffy trailed off, feeling the air leave her. "Where is he?"

"Behind those doors." Galendil said with a grin. "But he isn't all there. I separated his two most dominant parts. In one room I have placed the vampire part of him...his most evil side....Angelus if you want to get completely technical. In the other, is Angel....his human self."

"That's how you separated him?" Buffy exclaimed, unable to comprehend what Galendil was telling her.

"Vampire and human." The demon God confirmed. "And here's where it gets tricky. You have to choose. You have to decide which on is Angel and which one is Angelus. Both of them know the details of this challenge, so don't expect Angelus to give himself away. All you have to do is visit each room and decide which one is Angel. If you choose correctly, the result will be instantaneous. You and he will automatically be transported back to your world all safe and sound and his vampire self will be trapped here for all eternity. If you choose incorrectly however, Angelus will be the one to return to your dimension while you and Angel will serve your sentence here and your soul will belong to me."

"So what, you want me to chat with both of them?" Buffy exclaimed incredulously. "Ask them questions? Interview them to see which one's which?"

"If that's how you want to go about it, then by all means." Galendil replied.

"There's more to this, I know there is." Buffy insisted. "You can pick whatever challenges you please, but you have to tell me everything there is to know about them."

"You are right my dear there is one more thing." Galendil told her. "And this will actually help you to decide which one is truly Angel and which one is truly Angelus. Before I brought you here, I asked both demon and human to choose a fantasy of theirs involving you that will help you make your decision. We both know that Angelus is going to choose something that Angel would choose in the hopes of confusing you. He and I had a long chat and he desperately wants to return to Earth. All you have to do is separate the fantasies and figure out which one is something your Angel truly wishes for, and which one Angelus thinks your heart longs for."

"How can I see these fantasies?" Buffy asked carefully. "Just ask them to show them to me?"

"Of course not." The demon God laughed. "I wouldn't want to make this too easy. The fantasies are stored away in their subconscious. Your job is to find the key to unlocking them and then decide which one is truly Angel. I warn you slayer, this will not be easy. That vampire is very tricky."

"I know Angelus better than you do." Buffy said darkly. "You've just lost."

"Have I ever told you how amusing I find your confidence?" Galendil taunted her. "However in this case I rather think you're stalling. You see there's more at stake here now than just you and the life of your Angel. There's the entire world, including all of your friends."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Buffy demanded angrily.

"Just what do you think the first thing Angelus is going to do if you choose wrongly and he returns to your dimension? I'm betting he kills all your friends." Galendil looked towards the two rooms in mock contemplation. "You're not gambling with just your life now, but the lives of your friends as well as many faceless innocents that will become victims of Angelus should you lose. Do you really want to play those odds slayer? You could always call it quits now and accept your own loss."

_Wolfram and Hart! _Buffy's mind was screaming at her, reminding her of a conversation that she and Wesley had had before she left, a conversation that had ended in a warning. _Wesley was right! I may be the one to decide what side Angel plays for in the coming apocalypse! This is what Wolfram and Hart wanted all along! If I choose wrong..._

"I can almost hear your fear slayer." Galendil whispered menacingly. "I can almost taste your indecision. You know it's wrong don't you? You know that if you decide to go through with this challenge you may be condemning not only yourself but an untold number of innocents to a horrible, painful death. Are you really that selfish slayer? You know how you can end this. You don't have to go through with it."

"You want me to give up." She said softly, not even staring at Galendil anymore. Her voice was a steady monotone, void of any discernable outward emotion. "You want me to just surrender my soul to you."

"It would cut down on my waiting time, yes." Galendil admitted. "However that choice is entirely up to you. Not even Angel can put his two cents in anymore I'm afraid."

"Angel..." She was talking to herself now, more than anything else. Her mind was screaming at her, searching for an answer. "Oh God Angel, what should I do?"

_Don't give up, _her mind answered her, yet again in Angel's voice rather than hers._ Don't ever give up. Don't surrender. _

"I don't have all day slayer." Galendil said impatiently. "Are you going to go through with this challenge or do I own you and him for all eternity? Make up your mind."

"You may end up owning my soul Galendil, but it won't be without a fight." The slayer finally said, meeting his eyes and not bothering to brush away the angry tears in them. "When you said I was being selfish if I chose to go through with the challenge you were only partly right. When you said deciding whether I should go through with it or not was entirely my choice, you were dead wrong. Whether he is here or not, Angel does have a say in what I do, and he would never let me quit. He would never let me just give my soul to you without a fight. He won't let me and neither will I. I'm going to fight and damn the cost."

"How touching." Galendil remarked dryly. "I asked for an answer slayer, not a monologue. If you're going to take the challenge then by all means step through those doors. I don't mind waiting."

"Hope you're a patient demon God," Buffy murmured as she stepped slowly towards the first room. "Because never is a really long time."


	71. Trial 3: Angelus

Buffy walked into the room, barely breathing she was so nervous. Looking towards the corner she saw the man huddled in the corner that was either her Angel, or a horrible perversion of that person. She didn't know whether to run to him and assure him that everything would be alright or to attack him with all the fury and hatred she reserved for the part of Angel that he kept prisoner.

Instead she approached the figure with deadly calm and held up a hand to stop him from even opening his mouth. She didn't think she could bear to hear him speak, for if it were Angel she didn't want to hurt him with the fear that was probably visible in her eyes and if it were Angelus she didn't want to crumble and throw herself into his arms.

"Don't speak at all please." She said, her voice strong, but foreign to her own ears. The Angel figure just stared at her, anticipating her next words. "The challenge is for me to see into your heart....to see the fantasy you created and separate which one is really Angel's and which one is Angelus'. I think I know how to do it....but I can't be objective if you talk to me. Even looking at you now, I want to believe you're him, but I'm afraid and if you speak it will only confuse me."

She moved closer to him and he stayed silent. She breathed a sigh of relief, the fact that he was complying with her soothing her slightly.

"I know you're wondering how I'm going to see into your heart if you can't speak to me." She took another deep breath. "I think I know what to do, but I'm afraid to do it. God, you look so much like him!"

She looked away for a moment, attempting composure and steeling herself for what she was about to do.

"I'm going to kiss you." She stated bluntly. The Angel figure's eyes widened either with either surprise or fear, she wasn't quite sure. "I think it's the only way to see inside you. Please. Please just step over here and kiss me."

She closed her eyes, entire body tense and fearful. She felt the Angel figure come even closer to her. That was positive right? She could always feel Angel's presence. And yet that the same time, she could always sense when Angelus was near.

His lips touched hers and she felt her body tense. The kiss began and suddenly she was no longer in that room. She was in another room, both watching a scene unfolding and part of it as well. It was the Angel figure's fantasy. It was what was in his heart. Now it was up to her to decide if it was a deception or the real thing.

_The bed was warm, as were the arms encircling her. It was an odd thing to be sure, seeing as vampires didn't have any sort of warmth to speak of and yet, somehow he was. He was warm, and inviting and close by, holding her, touching her. _

_She felt his lips on her neck, soft and tender. She smiled, feeling her heart lift as if she had somehow been expecting the worst and having it not happen a great weight taken from her. She wasn't sure why she had expected him not to be there, but thankfully her fears had been unfounded. _

_Smiling, she murmured good morning and rolled over to stare lovingly into the eyes of her Angel. _

_"You look beautiful." He told her. "Just like I knew you would." _

_"You've thought about this?" She asked him, a small smile gracing the corner of her lips. "You...me...making love?" _

_"Of course Buffy." He answered simply. "Haven't you?" _

_"Well I..." she paused, unsure of what to say to him. "I did. I really did, I just...I wasn't sure if you were thinking it and if you were if it was even right for us to...I mean you're a vampire and I'm a slayer not to mention you're my first..." _

_He silenced her with a kiss that made her stop cold for a second with the intensity of it. It was different than the night before. The kiss, his arms, everything was different...stronger. It was as if there were no barriers between them now and the intimacy of it made her want to cry. _

_"I love you." His voice was strong and unafraid. It had taken him so long to admit it to himself and even longer to admit it to her, but now the words just seemed to roll of his tongue as if he had always said them to her. _

_"I love you." She responded. She had told him this before, but this morning it was different. He stared at her for the longest time, not saying anything and the most curious smile played upon his face. _

_"I'm glad I was your first Buffy." He finally whispered. His eyes didn't meet hers, rather they seemed incredibly interested in the bed spread. "I can't give you a lot of things in life, but I'm glad I could give you last night." _

_"You have no idea what you've given me Angel." She told him honestly. Reaching out, she grasped his hands in hers and she marveled at how well they seemed to fit together. "Last night was just one thing above many, albeit an amazing one thing." _

_He smiled back, but didn't say anything and suddenly Buffy was seized with a bout of anxiety. _

_"It was...I mean, you...enjoyed it...right? Enjoyed...me?" _

_"How can you even ask me that?" Angel exclaimed, completely shocked. Now it was Buffy's turn to look away. _

_"I just wanted to make sure. I mean, it was my first...and you've had other relationships. Two hundred years worth for heaven's sake. I didn't want to disappoint you." _

_"Buffy you could never..." Angel broke off, searching for the right words. "You're right I have been with other women. Many times, as a matter of fact. But never in all those two hundred years did I fully and completely love a single one of them the way that I love you. Don't you see? It was my first time last night too! And it couldn't have been any more amazing. It was magic." _

_"I'm glad to hear that." She said with a sleepy smile. Kissing him lightly, she snuggled closer into his arms and closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep with the feel of her boyfriend's arms surrounding her, and a bright future ahead for the both of them. _


	72. Trial 3: Angel

Buffy had to take a break before going into the next room to collect her thoughts and emotions. She felt as if every secret part of her had been exposed, stripped raw and left in the air. She was terrified and yet at the same time comforted by what she had seen in that room. The vision, no, she couldn't call it a vision because that wasn't what it was. She hadn't just seen that fantasy, she had been part of it, she had felt, seen and heard everything as if she were there, in that room waking up in the arms of the man she loved.

It had been the most beautiful morning of her entire life and it wasn't even real. What's more, she wasn't even sure if it were real to him. If that had been Angel, her Angel than that would mean that waking up with her after the first time they had made love was his fantasy, his true heart's desire.

If it were Angelus' fantasy, if that had been something he had fabricated..... She shuddered with involuntary revulsion. It was where the terror and feeling of being stripped naked had come from, overtaken her and forced her to catch her breath before braving the next room.

She knew who Angelus was, knew what he was capable of, how evil he was, but this was different. That fantasy, had been the most beautiful thing she had ever experienced and the idea that Angelus may very well know her enough to fabricate something so amazing not only terrified her, but disgusted her to a degree she had never even thought possible. Like it or not, she knew something now that she would never be able to forget. She knew that even when she was with Angel, when he held her in his arms, when he looked into her eyes and told her he loved her, Angelus would be there too.

She had been able before, to separate them into two separate people. Angel was the man she loved, whereas Angelus was the evil demon, incapable of any humanity whatsoever. But that wasn't true and she couldn't ignore it any longer. Every time she looked at Angel, she knew she would also be looking at Angelus. They shared far too much to be separate entities and yet, she couldn't stop loving Angel, regardless of how much a part of Angelus he was.

The challenge wasn't even over yet and already she was shaking with emotion so overwhelming she thought it might devour her whole. She looked to her left and saw the second door looming in front of her. _Just walk in, _her mind told her. _This isn't even the hard part. The hard part will come when you have to decide who is Angel and who is...just walk in. _

She nodded, and stood up, squaring her shoulders and preparing for the sight she would meet within. For better or for worse, it would be over soon.

_Angel had only been gone from the bed for a moment and it already felt empty. Sighing, she attempted to see into the kitchen where he was currently procuring ice cream for the two of them upon her request. _

"_What kind did you want again?" Came Angel's voice, muffled obviously by freezer door that he had his head in._

"_Peanut butter, preferably crunchy!" She called back, hoping he had that in his fridge. She had no idea just how long he had been human, but she doubted that he had had the time to make a trip to the grocery store with everything else that had been happening. If there was any ice cream there, chances are it belonged to Cordelia. _

"_I got it!" She heard Angel's voice clearer now, indicating he had closed the fridge and was on his way back to the bed. She smiled with a mixture of amusement and love as she watched her naked Angel make his way back to the bed, arms filled with all manners of items needed for eating ice cream. _

_She smiled partly in surprise because of the warmth she felt next to her when he slipped into bed beside her. She wasn't used to feeling Angel's presence next to her as a warm, living breathing person and every time it happened it sent a tingle of pleasure all through her being. _

"_The perfect yum," she said with a smile as he fed her a spoon of ice cream. It tasted heavenly and the fact that Angel was feeding it to her with a wicked twinkle of yearning in his eyes, only made it that much better. "Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute, and already there's cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge!" _

"_God I love food!" Angel exclaimed, his handsome face alight with happiness as he savoured the human pleasures all too long denied from him. He watched in anticipation as Buffy took the opportunity to feed him a spoonful of ice cream. _

"_Food is good." She said warmly, and kissed him before the taste of the ice cream left his lips. _

_She could hardly believe that they were here, sharing this moment the way they were. It was so normal and at the same time so incredibly miraculous to be laying together, sharing ice cream in bed like a normal couple would. She had only ever dreamed of something this wonderful._

"_Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter before?" Angel was wondering. He seemed so innocent now, so wonderfully lighthearted. She wanted to laugh out loud and the beauty of it, but kept it inside. Instead, she smiled and spoke softly. _

"_Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savour it, it would only hurt you to know, you know? By the way, I am over the whole 'needing to be mature' thing." She met his eyes and although her lips smiled, there was a seriousness in her tone that couldn't be mistaken. "That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was time enough apart." _

"_Too much," he agreed, smiling that incredibly sexy half smile of his and then leaning into kiss her once more. _

_Their lips met, and for a moment, everything was gone and only the two of them remained. It wasn't until she felt him flinch slightly that she noticed some of the ice cream had dripped form the spoon onto his chest. _

_Angel laughed a sheepish laugh and stared at the ice cream as if trying to figure out what to do with it. _

"_OK, mortal coordination leaving something to be desired." _

"_Wrong," she said, a seductive tone entering her voice without even intending it. Her heart sped up as she leaned down to the ice cream and licked it from his chest, reveling in the warmth and humanness his bare chest exuded. "It's just right." _

_Again Angel laughed and it was a sound she knew she would never tire of. Pulling her into a kiss, she allowed herself to be carried away by her emotions, as well as her body responding to his the way two human beings deeply in love with each other would. _

_Later on, Buffy lay with him, listening to the sound of his heart beating and loving every second of it. They were calmer now, but no less aware of the miracle they had been given. _

"_It's a good sound." She whispered gently. "Thump-thump. Thump-thump." _

"_It feels pretty amazing," Angel admitted. He loved the feel of just laying there, with Buffy cuddled up next to him, her lips touching his chest lightly as she spoke, the two of them without a care in the world. It was more than he ever could have asked for. _

"_I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this." She was saying. She lifted her head to meet his eyes, her own suddenly full of doubt and worry. "We'll make it work, right?" _

"_We will." Was Angel's short, but intense reply. There was no way he was going to give this up. Not without a fight anyway. They had it easy now. The hard part was behind them. _

"_I'm so sleepy," she murmured contentedly. "But I still want..." _

"_What?" Angel's heart leapt slightly at the idea that she may still want more from him physically. Even though he was tired, there was no fiber in his body that would not respond to her if she willed it. "You couldn't possibly...not that I wouldn't..." _

"_No," she replied tracing circles with her finger on his chest. "No, I'm spent. Pleasantly numb even. You?"_

"_For now." His reply was calm, but gentle and promised more passion-filled nights to come. He was loving the idea that they had all the time in the world to enjoy each other, risk free. _

"_I want to stay awake," Buffy admitted, even as her eyes threatened to close from sheer exhaustion. "So this day can keep happening." _

_His heart was so full of love for her, he honestly thought it might burst. She was so tender, so sweet and soft in his arms. She was his, and he could give her everything she deserved now, everything she had always wanted. There was nothing stopping them. _

_He kissed her forehead with a reverence bordering on the spiritual side. _

"_Sleep." He whispered, "we'll make another one like it tomorrow." _

"_Angel?" She murmured, her voice getting progressively sleepier. "This is the first time I've ever really felt this way." _

"_What way?" He wondered, curious as to what was in her heart. _

"_Just like I've always wanted to." She told him, nestling closer to him, wanting to be as close to his heartbeat as possible. "Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect." _

_Without warning, he felt tears threaten themselves, as he realized that with something as simple as a heartbeat he had been able to give her everything she had ever wanted, everything being the slayer had denied her. _

_He couldn't respond for fear that his voice wouldn't comply with his emotions. Instead, he fought back the tears of joy, kissed the top of her head once more and watched as she fell asleep in his arms, a smile on her beautiful face mirroring the one on his own. _


	73. Deliverance

The answer was clear to Buffy, and yet after leaving the second room and the vision behind, the shock prevented her brain from working properly. It had been real. She knew somehow, deep down within her that the vision she experienced, the two of them in bed eating ice cream, Angel's humanity, was not just a wish on his or her part. Rather, that it had actually transpired.

And yet she knew it hadn't. She certainly had no memory of it, and there was no explanation for the fact that he was still a vampire. If the vision had indeed occurred at some point in time, why wasn't he still human? What had happened? Why had he let it all fall apart?

_It was real and you know it! _Her voice shouted from within her. _You can feel it, you know it, you remember it. You were there. _

Salt touched her lips and she suddenly realized she was crying. Her heart was breaking as she realized she was losing something so incredibly precious that she didn't even remember experiencing in the first place. Who would be so cruel as to take that memory from her? Why would he let his humanity go? How could it be real? How could it not be?

"You look troubled." The voice was that of Galendil's. He had come, clearly for her final decision and, hopefully the cessation of the challenges. "That's a good sign for me. It means you are undecided."

"Again you are wrong demon," she whispered sadly. "I know exactly which one is Angel and which one is Angelus."

"Really? Care to make your decision then?" Galendil folded his arms smugly, certain that she would pick the wrong candidate. The real vampire had made things easier than he had ever imagined, picking a vision so outlandish that the slayer would have to think it fake. Angelus on the other hand had been quite intelligent, picking a vision that Buffy would think to be Angel simply because it was entirely in the realm of possibility had it not been for the curse getting in there way.

Something as simple as the slayer waking up with her Angel beside her after making love for the first time was certainly something the doe-eyed teen would have dreamed for long after the nightmare had come to pass. Angelus surely knew that, and managed to capitalize on it. The slayer would pick him, he was sure of it.

"You are despicable." The slayer spat hatefully. Her eyes gleamed with a strange sort of triumph that made the demon God slightly uneasy. "I hope you and Angelus are happy together. Angel is the one in the second room."

Galendil let out a cry of pure disbelief and frustration. How could the slayer have gotten it right?

"How could you know that? That vision....it was so far off.....how did you....?"

"It's simple," Buffy said, the sadness returning to her eyes. "That vision...Angel's vision....somehow happened. He was real. He was human and I don't know what happened to end it, but I know that it was one vision Angelus couldn't distort because he wasn't there for it. Only Angel was there that day. And I choose him. I win. Now send us back."

"Very well." The God said calmly, too calmly for Buffy's liking. "I will honor my part of the bargain. I will send you and Angel back to your dimension, but I can't guarantee you will survive the journey as I intend to make it as painful as possible and if you two ever grace my realm again...."

"We won't." She said firmly, refusing to show any signs of fear she might be feeling when the demon God spoke of unimaginable pain. "We can take the pain and believe me we won't ever come back, now quit with the cheap threats and send us back."

"As you wish," Galendil said maniacally. He grinned so wide that Buffy gasped in fear at the grotesqueness of it. Suddenly Angel was beside her, looking confused as to what was happening.

She didn't have time to explain it to him however, as a bright light suddenly flashed before their eyes and they were rushing through some kind of portal.

It didn't hurt at first, and Buffy wondered if he had just been trying to scare them. Then the mind numbing pain took hold of her. She screamed almost inhumanely and so did, she realized Angel.

She looked around for him, but the pain blinded her and she was unable to see anything. It tore at her, cut her, slashed her, threatened to rip her apart from the inside. Tears streamed down her face in droves and gibberish rolled off her tongue. She began to prey for death, unable to handle the onslaught of agony she was enduring from the journey.

_Say the word, _a voice in her mind hissed. Somehow she knew it was Galendil. _Say the word and I will end it. Say the word and you will be free of this pain. Say the word and you will belong to me. Say the word and I will make it stop. _

God how she wanted it to stop. The phrase was being repeated over and over in her head and it was all she could do not to cry out and beg for mercy, cry out and beg for the demon to take her back to hell to escape this torment.

She bit down on her lip, eventually biting through the skin in an attempt to keep herself from giving in. She tried so hard, but the pain only intensified and she wanted so badly for it to stop.

"No!" She cried aloud, "I won't, I....no!"

"Buffy don't!" Angel yelled to her, from wherever he was. "Don't listen to him, ignore it! It has to end soon! Stay strong!"

"Where are you?" She called out to him. "Angel I can't, see, can't touch...I can't do this without you! Please!"

"Hold onto me," his voice was closer now. "Hold onto me Buffy. We'll be strong together."

And suddenly she was holding his hand. He was next to her, although she still couldn't see him, she could feel him. She was able to block out the enticing words spoken by the demon God and together the two of them fought the agony, fought the pain and waited until they would be delivered home.


	74. Taking care of each other

Life without Buffy wasn't easy. Day after day, Dawn went through her normal routine, telling herself that her sister would prevail and not to lose hope, but as time began to pass, the truth of that statement started to become more and more remote. Connor did his best to be there for her and to take care of her, as per Buffy's request, but it was clear to Dawn that he too was going through a personal hell of his own and much as she cared for him, getting through to him once he had closed himself off was another matter all together.

Eventually she just gave up and concentrated on helping the rest of the Angel Investigations team to keep the hotel running in Angel's absence. She tried not to think of Buffy, but it was getting more and more difficult the longer she stayed away. Wesley had been making tentative visits to the hotel to make sure she was OK and that she was holding up well. She was grateful for his presence, as Wesley was soothing company and she sensed that he was in as much pain for different reasons as she was.

On this particular day nobody was in the hotel, save for Connor who was up in his room as usual. Climbing the stairs, she knocked nervously on his door, unsure of the mood he would be in. Sometimes he was the Connor she had begun to discover before Angel disappeared. That Connor only emerged when she was feeling particularly down or upset. It was those times when she would see him smile, see the light in his eyes that she had only begun to discover and that became her strength. Most of the time however, he was the old Connor. He was the sullen, angry and confused person that she had met such a short time ago in the ally way.

She could hear him tell her to come in and she did so, smiling softly in hopes of receiving a smile in return. He tried, she could see the effort but was unsuccessful.

"I was hoping you would come downstairs." She told him. "I was thinking we could maybe get out of the hotel for a little while....maybe walk around, get some ice cream?"

"I'm not really in the mood for ice cream Dawn." Connor replied, his eyes downcast. She sighed, somewhat impatiently.

"What are you in the mood for then?" She sat next to him, and touched his arm gently. "There's nobody here Connor. You don't have to hide from me."

"I'm not hiding." He insisted.

"You are hiding," she replied in a patient, but firm tone. "Ever since Angel disappeared you've been....well, you've been angry and upset and Mr.-locks-himself-in-a-room-guy and it's beginning to frighten me."

"Well what do you expect?" Connor burst out angrily. "I was just beginning to get to know him Dawn. I was just beginning to be able to get past the hatred and past the anger and past the hurt, and then he's ripped away from me, like everyone else in my life has been! He's been lost to me my entire childhood and now I might not get the chance to have an adulthood with him! And it's your fault! If it hadn't been for you I wouldn't have given him a chance, I wouldn't have tried to see him like you do. I wouldn't have started to care that he was gone, I wouldn't have..."

"So you hate me now, is that it?" She countered, her earlier patience replaced with cold fury. "I am trying to help you Connor! I am trying to be here for you!"

"I don't hate you Dawn." Connor assured her. "I could never hate you. But I resent you. I resent that you could get me to care this way, only for me to get hurt again. I'm feeling so many things that I had promised myself I would never get trapped into feeling and it's all because of you. You brought these feelings out in me."

"Well welcome to the world Connor," Dawn said icily. "Welcome to being a human being. You are angry that you're feeling things now? Well boo hoo! At least you can feel! It's better than being a hollow shell, like you were when I first met you. Being able to laugh means that you have to be able to cry and I won't apologize for that. God, did you even stop for one second to consider what Buffy and Angel must be going through? They are trapped in unimaginable hell and you're mad that you mourn them? I never realized you were so selfish Connor. In my opinion, mourning them is the least we can do. We owe them that much."

"How is it that you can always make me feel like I'm only one inch tall?" Connor asked her ruefully. He smiled slightly to show her that his earlier outburst had calmed now. Sighing heavily, he felt all the emotions he had been bottling for days rushing to the surface and although the last thing he wanted to do was to break down in front of Dawn he couldn't help it.

Dawn watched as Connor's shoulders began to shake and realized that he was crying. Touched, she placed a hand on his back, hoping he realized it as a gesture of comfort and compassion. Upon feeling her touch, he gazed up at her, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I'm so scared Dawn." He confessed, horrified that he was telling her this. "I'm just so scared."

"Of what?" She wondered, shocked by his words.

"When I was in Quartoth, I had Holtz to care for me. Even when I came here, I knew Angel...my father, would look after me, however much I didn't want him to. Then I met you and you helped me to begin to forgive him and I began to want him to watch over me. This world was so frightening to me, but I had him and I had you and once you came into the picture it didn't seem so scary anymore."

"I'm glad I could do that for you Connor," she whispered.

"But it is scary!" He continued, oblivious to her words. "I mean, I just start to care for him, just start to get to know him and he's ripped away. It's so easy to take someone for granted and even easier to lose them and now I've only got you and what if...." His voice broke and fresh tears overtook his form.

"What if what?" She questioned.

"What if I fail your sister?" His voice was so quiet she had to strain to hear him. "What if I screw up and I lose you too? Nothing is permanent, nothing is forever Dawn, nothing! There's no guarantee about anything and the thought of being without you scares me to death. I don't want to be alone anymore."

"God Connor, you will never be alone." Dawn promised him fervently. "I'm not going anywhere do you hear me? I have to be here for you and for my sister when she gets back. And she is coming back. I have seen her go through worse things. She will bring Angel home and you will get your second chance, I promise."

"Dawn I think that I'm falling..."

Fearful of the intensity of his voice and the consequences that his coming words might bring, she kissed him deeply, hoping to silence his voice and his soul at least for a little while.

"Buffy was wrong when she asked you to take care of me." She finally said after they had broken apart and sat together pondering all that had happened. "She should have realized that you need to be taken care of too."

"We'll take care of each other then?" Connor said, a tentative question lacing the tone of his voice.

"We will." Dawn said firmly. She squeezed his hand to reinforce that. "Now did you maybe change your mind about that ice cream?"

Connor was about to answer her when an intensely loud ripping noise tore through them both, knocking them off the bed and onto the floor. They could feel the ground moving beneath them as if the very fabric of their world was being ripped in half. Eventually everything settled back to normal and Dawn looked to Connor, both of their thoughts on the same track.

"It's them Dawn!" Connor said intensely. "It has to be!"

The two of them scrambled to their feet and raced into the lobby, only to stop dead in their tracks at the sight that lay before them. It was indeed Buffy and Angel, but they were barely recognizable underneath the blood, dirt and grime that caked every part of their body. They didn't move, indeed Dawn wasn't even certain they were breathing. Bruises covered their face like a colourful rainbow of pain and Dawn could see that many bones had been broken.

"Buffy," she whispered, her face draining itself of all colour. "What happened to you?"


	75. Too late to apologise

"They're in a coma," Wesley declared, standing up and facing the worried eyes of the group staring back at them. "A mystical one, if I'm correct."

Dawn and Connor had, with the help of the others carefully relocated Buffy and Angel to his bedroom where they might be more comfortable. They had done everything they could to awaken them, but nothing had worked. It had been Connor's idea to call Wesley and despite the tensions that still existed between them, nobody had argued.

"Will they..." Dawn hesitated, then changed her wording so as not to upset anyone, including herself. "How do we wake them up?"

"Well I...I'm not sure," Wesley admitted. He bent down closer, inspecting Buffy and Angel's bodies a little more thoroughly. "If my guess is correct, then the reason they are injured so severely is likely from re-entering our world, from the demon God's. I would bet that he brought them hear via the most painful mystical means possible and being that they could only take so much, their systems just....shut down causing this.....state. Lord only knows how we can bring them out of it, but I will get to work on it right away."

"It just looks like they're sleeping..." Dawn murmured softly, trying to keep the worry and fear from her voice. Connor squeezed her hand gently, offering solace in his strength. Looking into his eyes, she saw the same fear in them as well and smiled gently, letting him know they would be strong together.

"Yes, well that's what comas are essentially," Wesley said absently. Something about the sleeping figures was disturbing him. They looked different, they looked.......suddenly Wesley's eyes widened and his heart nearly stopped all together in complete surprise and utter shock.

Noticing the look on Wesley's face, Fred spoke up.

"What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost or something!"

"Just the opposite actually," Wesley told them, in a hushed, shocked tone. "Dawn you said they looked like they were sleeping and you were right, but look......both of them are sleeping! Angel...he's, he's....."

"Breathing." Connor stated flatly. "He's human. How?"

"Human? Angel?" Cordelia's voice echoed all of their thoughts as she stared at the sleeping figure.

"Must've happened in the hell dimension." Gunn mused to himself more than anyone else.

"Buffy won his freedom and his humanity?" Lorne exclaimed. "Whoo boy, she must have been one busy little bee in that world."

"Who knows what she....what they've gone through," Dawn whispered softly. "What if they never recover? What if it was just too much?"

"It's going to be OK Dawn," Cordelia promised. "Angel is tough and your sister....well, slayer so tough is pretty much a requirement. Anyway, they're together in this and if they could get out of that place together than my guess is that they will wake up at some point." _They have to,_ she thought despairingly, _Angel please, you have to!_

"Dad," Connor murmured, touching his father's bruised hand gently and allowing tears to form in his eyes. "I never got to....you gotta wake up."

"Everyone, I think it may be best if we leave them be for a little while." Wesley suggested, seeing just how emotionally charged everyone seemed to be. "I'll go home and get to work looking up some spells and whatnot that might be of use. I'll call you if I find anything. At the moment I'm not sure of much, although I do suspect that whatever bones were broken will mend while they sleep, being that this is a mystical injury. In the meantime, it's best if they aren't crowded."

"Wesley's right," Dawn agreed, hating to leave Buffy, but realizing it was for her own good. "Do you need any help? With research? Anything?"

"We have some volumes here that might be useful." Fred told her, "if you want you can help me look through them. The more people that help with this the better, right?"

"Absolutely." Wesley agreed. "Contact me if you find anything."

Turning, he walked quickly out of the room, wanting to get far away from the hotel and everyone in it. Although they had called on him for help a second time, he was still very painfully aware of how unwelcome he still was. It was like a knife through his heart that wouldn't heal. He was so caught up in his own thoughts, that he didn't hear Fred following him as he headed towards the door.

"Wesley!" He turned at the sound of her voice, still hating himself for not being able to shut her out of his heart. She would never love him, or look at him the way she looked at....he shook the thoughts from his head and smiled at her.

"Yes, Fred?"

"I...." she paused, trying to put into words what she was feeling. "This is the third time you've helped us....helped him. You keep coming through for him, even though he....we, treated you so badly. Why?"

"Because it's what I have to do." Wesley answered simply. "I could have left Angel at the bottom of the ocean, or in that hell dimension, but he is a champion and I am, well I was a watcher. That still means something to me. Whatever might happen between him and me, or the rest of us, we still fight for something greater than that. At least, I still do."

"Wesley I'm sor..."

"Don't," he interrupted, swallowing back the tears. "Don't apologize to me Fred. This is something a mere 'I'm sorry' can't fix and we both know it. You all made a conscious choice when I took Connor, and I won't have you apologize for it just because I lend you a hand every now and then."

"But our friendship...." She protested, her voice weak to her own ears. Ever since they had all turned their backs on Wesley, Fred had felt sick inside. It had always felt wrong to her, to treat him the way they did, especially since he still fought for their side, and every time he helped them that feeling only intensified. The hotel felt empty and barren without his presence and she hated that it couldn't be fixed as simply as she wanted it to be.

"There is no friendship anymore Fred, I'm sorry." Wesley said, his tone of a broken man, his eyes haunted with pain and heartache. "I'm beginning to wonder if their ever was. You can always call me for help if you need it, but other than that.....it's best if I stay away."

"Wesley..." her voice was strained and a tear slipped down her face, unnoticed by her. Wesley felt his heart lurch upon seeing her cry, but looked up, only to spot Gunn heading towards her, his own face a hard mask of anger and defiance.

"I'll call you if anything turns up." He said, keeping his voice as controlled as possible so that his emotions didn't slip through. Turning, he left and headed towards his car as quickly as he could before the tears came to his own eyes as well.


	76. Familiar warmth

The first thing Buffy consciously became aware of, was the familiarity of the arms encircling her. They were strong, and warm, comforting and yet needing her comfort at the same time. She felt safe and that was a feeling she hadn't felt in so long, she could barely remember it. She smiled and nuzzled closer to the chest of the man the arms belonged to. Her mind wasn't functioning on a level able to recognize who they belonged to, or what they represented. All she knew was that near him, it felt right. Closing her eyes, she slipped back into darkness, this time secure in her surroundings and willing herself to heal.

"Hey guys!" Dawn's voice could be heard calling excitedly throughout the hotel. A weak had passed and although Wesley had found no spell to bring Buffy and Angel out of their sleep, it didn't look as if a spell would be needed. From what Dawn could see, the healing factor would not be magic, but time and already as their bruises healed, Dawn could tell that it was only a matter of time before one of them stirred and awoken.

And she was right. Just now, she had seen Buffy's eyes flicker and a ghost of a smile cross her sister's face as she snuggled closer to Angel. Dawn had run out, upon seeing this, eager to let everyone else know that the two of them were going to be OK.

The first one to respond to her calls was Connor. His room was closest to the room they had placed Buffy and Angel in, and he and Dawn had been taking turns watching the sleeping figures for a weak now.

"What is it Dawn?" He asked anxiously.

"Buffy moved." She told him. She watched Cordelia, Lorne, Gunn and Fred's expressions as they too moved towards her. "I saw her smile and lean closer to Angel. I think they'll be OK."

"It does seem that once their physical wounds heal they will be OK." Fred agreed. "I should probably call Wesley and tell him he doesn't need to keep looking for a spell." Her eyes wouldn't meet those of the others and Dawn thought that rather strange. Ever since Wesley had been called upon Buffy and Angel's arrival, the hotel had become even more tense than ever. The others barely spoke to him unless absolutely necessary, and Fred...well, Dawn could see that Fred longed to be friendlier to Wesley, to ease the pain the others' cold shoulder was clearly causing him, but didn't out of loyalty to the rest of the team. _Everything is so fragmented here, _Dawn thought sadly. She thought of all the different members of Angel Investigations who were either at odds with one another, or had some emotional turmoil occurring within them and found herself longing for Sunnydale, where the monsters were pretty much the only enemies.

"You call Wesley," Dawn agreed. "I'm going to watch them and wait for them to wake up."

"Me too," Connor told her. "I want to be there when he...."

Dawn nodded and the two of them went back into the other room, leaving the others with nothing left to do, but to wait.


	77. Blurry awakenings

The first thing Buffy saw was Dawn and Connor watching her, awaiting any sign of consciousness. Upon opening her eyes, Dawn broke into an ear to ear grin, matched by Connor, who was holding Dawn's hand. Before she could say anything, she was assaulted by physical pain that racked her entire body. She was conscious, but she wasn't anywhere near healed and wouldn't be, she guessed for quite some time.

"Where...where am I?" Her voice sounded like that of a strangers' and her fingers refused to move, even though her brain commanded it.

"It's OK Buffy, you're home. You went away, but now you're back."

"Went away?" Buffy echoed, puzzle evident in her voice. All she knew at this point was that she was hurting and hurting quite severely. The actual memory of what caused the pain refused to be called to light. "Where did I go?"

"You went...you went to get my father." Connor told her, his eyes serious and his voice intense with gratitude. "You went to hell and you got him out. Thank you."

"Oh God," she murmured as the memories flooded back and she was reminded in vivid detail of all that had occurred in that hell dimension. The tests, the pain, the mental anguish, all of it. And she was out...safe, and so was Angel. Angel! Turning, she saw that he lay in the bed next to her, his chest rising and falling as he slept, seemingly quite peacefully. _You won't be so peaceful when you wake up and the pain starts, _she thought ruefully.

"Do you need anything Buffy?" Dawn asked anxiously. Buffy was barely paying attention to her. All of her was focused on her sleeping Angel, the man she had gone to hell and back to rescue and he was here in her arms, sleeping with the innocence of a small child.

"Will he wake up?" She asked softly, touching his face with her index finger and running it along his strong jaw line.

"He will in time. You beat him to it. You must have been stronger or something." Dawn replied. Buffy shook her head.

"He was far stronger than I was," she said, more to herself than anyone else. "If it hadn't been for his strength..."

"I should get the others." Connor offered, sensing that Buffy needed some time alone. Dawn agreed and the two of them vacated the room to fetch the group.

"Angel," she breathed, treating his name with as much reverence that befits a saint, or a holy person. "We've gone through so much, and you're still so beautiful to me. You've got to wake up. You have to open your eyes, so that I can say I love you."

"Well break out the bubbly and call it a party!" Lorne's voice exclaimed jubilantly from the doorway. "Dawnie was right...the slayer is awake!"

"We were really worried about you for a while there!" Fred told her sincerely. Buffy looked beyond them to see Gunn, Wesley, Dawn, Cordelia and Connor all entering the room. She smiled, albeit weakly in an effort to appear stronger than she felt.

"I'll get better," she told them. "Slayers heal fast."

"Good thing too," Cordelia told her. "You were in really bad shape when you came through that portal. We weren't sure you were ever going to wake up."

"But I did," she said softly. "Will Angel?"

"I would imagine so Buffy," Wesley said matter-of-factly. "It should be mere hours, even minutes until he does."

"I fought so hard," she murmured to herself. "He's so perfect."

"You brought back a hero," Cordelia told her gratefully. "A champion that LA desperately needs...that we need."

"Hey, I think he's waking up!" Gunn exclaimed, watching as Angel's eyes began to flicker and slowly open. Buffy didn't even realize that she had been holding her breath until he smiled at her, and she felt herself exhale, both with relief and a rush of love.

"Am I dead?" He asked through semi-closed eyelids. Then, he grimaced and continued. "No, not dead...hurting too much to be dead."

"I'm so glad you're awake Angel." Buffy said gently. Angel's eyes widened as he took in his entire surroundings as well as the feeling of his body and it's new workings.

"Buffy I'm....I'm breathing!" His voice was filled with awe and wonder, tears in his eyes of sheer joy. Buffy's breath caught once more as she realized that he was indeed breathing, that when she had watched him sleep his chest had been rising and falling with said breath and that the fact of the matter clearly meant that he was human. Not only had she gotten him out, but she had managed to leave Angelus in the hell dimension where he belonged. Only Angel remained.

"Angel!" She said breathlessly as she rain her hand over his chest, awed by the miracle of his heartbeat against her hand. Then the deja-vu hit her, and she remembered his fantasy shown to her in the final test. Her eyes hardened and she looked away from him, unable to bear him seeing the emotions running through her. Connor thankfully stepped forward and took Angel's attention away from Buffy however.

"We need to talk," he said finally. "There's so much to tell you so much....I uh...I'm glad you're OK."

"Thank you Connor," Angel replied, realizing that Connor's stiff words held more emotion than he meant to show. Perhaps there was hope for his relationship with the boy yet.

"Can you guys...." Buffy broke off, suddenly feeling incredibly suffocated by everyone who stood in the room. "Can you guys just back off for a little bit? Leave Angel and I alone? Please?"

"Sure Buffy, no problem." Dawn replied. "If you need anything, just holler. We'll all be right outside OK?"

Buffy nodded and watched as everyone departed, ignoring the intent way that Angel was gazing at her.


	78. The lost day

"You don't look too happy," Angel observed quietly as soon as the others had left. "We're out of that place, and I'm....God Buffy I'm human! Why? Why....aren't you happy about that?"

"Is their any reason I should be?" Her voice was colder than she had intended. An anger that even she wasn't aware she harboured burned within her, almost to the point where she wanted to physically hurt him. She didn't need to. The stricken look on his face was pain enough.

"I don't understand Buffy," Angel murmured, his voice laced with confusion and hurt. "What have I done? Why are you so angry?"

It was then it occurred to her that Angel either didn't know what his subconscious fantasy had been, or he didn't remember if he did. Either way, she knew about the day he was human and Angel was unaware of that fact.

"Why should I be happy you're human Angel? Why?" She continued, unable to keep herself from expressing the anger bubbling to the surface. "How do I know it's going to last? How can I know that a week from now I'm not going to forget about this completely, you a vampire and me a slayer again?"

"Forget about it? You mean like..."

"Like before." She replied calmly. "It was your fantasy. A day where you were human and we ate ice cream in bed. Only I know it wasn't a fantasy. Some part of me, somehow knows it was real. I don't know how, or when...but I bet you do. Tell me, why is it you got to retain that memory and I was robbed of it?"

"That was just part of the deal," Angel replied wearily, looking older than ever. "I didn't have a choice in the matter."

"Of course you did! You could have chosen to stay that way in the first place! What was it that made you return to being a vampire Angel? What could possibly have forced you to give that up?"

"Your life, that's what." Angel replied, his anger rising slightly now as well. "I had a choice...either give up my humanity or watch you die before your time and my humanity just wasn't that important to me. Nothing is that important to me. I hated that you forgot, but it wasn't really up to me."

"I died anyway," she realized weakly. "It was all for nothing. I died two years later anyway. You gave up your humanity to buy me what? A year? God that's so unfair."

"You came back." Angel told her softly. "You got a second chance. If you had died the other way, maybe you wouldn't have. Maybe Willow wouldn't have been able to bring you back."

"Maybe I'd still be in Heaven," she finished absently, not even thinking of Angel, or his presence beside her in the bed. His tone immediately became apologetic.

"God Buffy I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she told him. "It's obvious I wasn't meant to die either time, or I would have stayed dead. But you should have stayed human. You should never have given that up."

"My humanity means nothing without you." He replied simply. "I have it now though. Something gave us both a second chance."

"Did they? Are you going to keep it Angel? Or are you going to turn around and mind wipe me the first chance you get? You don't have any more superpowers, or super strength. If you're going to keep fighting evil, you have to know your limits. Can you handle that? Because you know what? Most men can't."

"Most men?" Angel echoed, sensing there was more to this than Buffy let on. "Are you referring to Riley, Buffy?"

"He didn't like that I was stronger than him. He didn't like it, so he left. Will you do that when you realize that you like it better as a vampire?"

"No offense Buffy but you are officially insane." Angel said with the first real laugh he had had in a good long while. "What on Earth makes you think I'm going to want to be a vampire again? The strength? You of all people should know that strength is anything but physical. And I love the fact that you are stronger. I love the fact that you are strong. I don't need superpowers. I just need you."

"It was such an amazing day," she whispered, lost once more in the memory of the fantasy. "I wish I could have remembered it."

"There's no need." He said, his voice husky, his eyes meeting hers intensely. "We can make a hundred thousand more just like it. There's nothing to hold us back this time."

"I love you Angel," she said right before kissing him gently on the lips and smiling with relief for the first time since her return from Galendil's hell dimension. "We should probably go mingle with the others though. I'm sure Dawn and the rest of the gang wants to hear tales of my adventures, and I suspect you and Connor have a lot to talk about...to work out."

"Promise me Buffy..." Angel said, grabbing her arm before she could get out of the bed. "Promise me that later on tonight....we'll welcome each other home properly? I've been without you so long..."

The longing in his eyes was so intense that she felt a physical tug within herself as well as soon as her eyes met his. Swallowing as her breath caught, she nodded, unable to break his gaze, heat flooding through every part of her body.

"I promise Angel," she finally managed to say, although she was sure the words came out halted, as his fingers gently touched her cheek and made their way down towards her collar bone with a feathery gentleness that made her heart speed up and her breathing quicken. "Later on...."

Angel smiled that sexy half smile she loved so much and kissed her once more, more thoroughly this time, his mouth strong and firm on hers, knowing what he wanted, what he had been denied and taking it after waiting so long. After he broke the kiss, he reluctantly parted from her and gingerly climbed out of the bed. He sent her one last longing gaze and headed towards the door as Buffy climbed out of the bed behind him.


	79. Father's pride

Angel found Connor pacing back and forth in his office, clenching his hands over and over again. He had never known the boy to look nervous and yet here was his son watching him enter with an almost quiet terror.

"You're walking pretty well." He remarked. Angel nodded and noticed that Connor wasn't looking at him, but rather fixing his attention on an obviously more calming aspect beyond his office-Dawn.

"I heal pretty fast." Angel said with a nonchalant shrug. "Wesley also gave me some herbs that helped a bit. I'll be back to normal in about a week or so."

"He's really been a big help." Connor acknowledged quietly. "Why do you all treat him so badly?"

Angel was floored by that comment, not having realized that his son had noticed or even understood the tension between Wesley, himself and the others. Although Angel had officially apologized to Wesley for his actions after Connor was taken once Wesley saved him from the bottom of the ocean, the rift was far from healed. Angel regretted the way that he had treated Wesley, and knew even after the feeble attempt that a mere apology could not even come close to restoring what had been lost. Angel wanted to restore that friendship, but wasn't sure how, as it was obvious that Wesley had politely accepted his apology and then promptly proceeded to isolate himself further and further, only coming to their aid when it was specifically requested of him.

Connor of all people had noticed this and Angel could see that he sympathized with Wesley, even identified with him to some extent. The two of them were outsiders, Connor because he had spent the bulk of his life in a harsh and cruel environment only to be deprived of his only companion and protector the moment he got to safety and Wesley for finally learning to trust, and to rely on a team and to be an effective leader, only to have the leadership decision he had made go so incredibly wrong that everyone he loved turned their backs on him and left him for dead.

"I don't know if you know this Connor, but it was Wesley who took you from this hotel when you were an infant. He read a bogus prophecy saying I would kill you, and in an effort to prevent that from happening, he stole you. He intended to run away with you and to never return. Instead Holtz got a hold of you, then Sahjahn showed up, then Wolfram and Hart and then there was the portal and....well, you ended up in Quartoth bottom line. I needed someone to blame afterwards and Holtz, the man who was really responsible was in that place with you. I attacked Wesley, I threatened him, I very nearly killed him. He hasn't been welcome here ever since."

"That's unfair." Connor said, jaw clenched in anger. "What happened wasn't his fault, if you are telling the truth."

"I know." Angel said with a sigh. "And I've apologized, but it's going to take time to build his trust again and it's going to take time for the others to come around. Maybe someday...."

"You don't think that maybe he will never want to come back to you guys?"  
Connor asked in surprise. "You think he'll always want your friendship?"

"We're family." Angel corrected stubbornly.

"Look who you're talking to," Connor retorted. "Not the greatest argument."

"I want you friendship too Connor," Angel told his son softly. "I want us to be...."

"Family?" Connor finished, his voice wavering and unsure. Angel nodded.

"Is that impossible for us?" He wondered, not sure he wanted an answer but at the same time needing it. Connor shook his head.

"I don't know." He admitted. "Look I'll admit, when Buffy told us you were in that place, I....I freaked. I didn't want to contemplate the idea of being completely alone. I need that family tie, I need to know that there is someone that I am a part of...even if it is you."

"So that's all I am?" Angel asked sadly. "A symbol?"

"No," Connor admitted. "I didn't want you to be any more, but the longer you were in that place, the more I.....the more I worried for you. I don't think I like you. But I know that you're my father, and I believe Dawn and what she says about you. I know it's not every day you get a second chance either."

"You mean...."

"I mean I still have a lot of anger towards you." Connor cautioned. "I'm going to behave badly. I'm going to be unpleasant to be around. I'm going to be more difficult than enjoyable, but I am also going to be someone you're proud of."

"Connor I am already...."

"You can't possibly be proud of me," he said, effectively cutting Angel off. "You don't even know me. You don't know what I went through or what I saw. But you will. I will show you. But I don't think I can be your son just yet."

Angel swallowed the disappointment burning in his chest as he heard Connor speak those words and nodded.

"Then what can you be?" He asked. Connor smiled the first warm and genuine smile he had ever seen.

"Your friend." He said simply. "That's how we have to start. It's the only place to start. Deal?"

Angel nodded, smiling equally as warmly back at his son.

"Deal."


	80. Dinner with the family

"How did it go?" Dawn asked as Connor exited Angel's office. The two of them seemed visibly more relaxed, giving Dawn the immediate impression that the two of them had finally made progress at long last.

"We talked." Connor told her. He had never been one for long speeches, and Dawn was beginning to figure this out. "I think we'll be OK eventually."

"I'm so glad Connor," she said gratefully. Connor was no longer looking at her, but rather at Angel who strode purposefully towards Wesley. The two of them talked softly for a moment and then Connor looked back to Dawn and smiled yet again. She retaliated quizzically, wondering just what was going on.

"If I am right, then Angel just basically groveled at Wes' face for forgiveness and the two of them are attempting to rebuild their friendship right now."

"You're really changed, you know that?" Dawn asked him, her voice reflecting the awe she felt. "When I first met you, all you cared about, all you thought about was yourself and now look at you! All you think about is other people!"

"All I think about is you Dawn," Connor corrected. "And was I really that bad a guy when you first met me?" Dawn nodded emphatically.

"You were a real jerk." She said with a shrug. "But I liked you anyway."

"And you were a beauty possessing amazing strength and stubbornness." Connor added, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "But I liked you anyway as well."

"What's going to happen now?" She wondered. Connor shrugged.

"I'm going to get to know him for a bit. Whatever comes of that, I guess we'll see."

"So when I leave LA..."

"We'll keep in touch!" Connor insisted fervently. "This isn't a forever arrangement Dawn, but I need to do this to get to know him. I need to have that."

"The last thing I would do is try to deny you it," Dawn assured him. "I just....I'll miss you."

Leaning into him, she kissed him softly and Connor sighed.

"I'll miss you too." He admitted. "More than you will ever know."

"Come on," she urged him, grabbing his hand and leading him forward. "Dinner is soon."

Dinner was a lighthearted and fun for everyone seated at the table. Dawn couldn't remember the last time her sister had smiled that way. Even Cordelia looked happy to see the two of them together.

Connor was joking and laughing, more relaxed and at ease than she had ever seen him before. It gave her hope for the future. Reaching over, she squeezed his hand gently and he smiled at her.

After dinner, the others cleared out to leave Buffy and Dawn sitting contentedly together in the library.

"Things really turned out well," Dawn mused to herself, more than anyone else. "You have Angel and he's human and not in that place..."

"He was human before Dawn," she murmured. "Did I tell you that? He gave it up to save my life....didn't really matter much."

"Oh my God, Buffy!"

"I know, I know. I already freaked out at him. Then I forgave him. No point in staying angry I guess. I've been through too much to bring up old hurts."

"What did you go through there Buffy? I mean, your physical wounds alone..."

"It was rough...the roughest thing I'd ever faced. But...I had you waiting for me here and the gang in Sunnydale....did you tell them I left?"

Dawn shook her head.

"I got your note, but I couldn't bring myself to...well, I couldn't say anything until I thought you might not come back. The truth is, I never gave up hope. I knew you could do it."

"I should thank Wesley," she said, almost to herself. "Without his help..."

"What's going to happen now Buffy?" Dawn interrupted. "I mean are we just going to leave LA? What about Angel? I mean I know he's human now, but you two still live in different cities. How will you...?"

"We'll find a way." She finished. Looking at Dawn, her eyes twinkled mischievously. "I think what you're really wondering about is Connor. How will the two of you stay together?"

"Oh I've already got that part figured." She said with a grin. "While you were gone, we eloped and got married in Las Vegas."

"What?!" Buffy exclaimed. Dawn laughed and Buffy relaxed when she realized she was joking.

"Seriously though, I figure that we can keep in touch via email and the phone for two years until I'm done high school and then I could maybe come and go to college here in LA...if that's OK with you."

"You don't have to ask me where you can go to school Dawn," Buffy told her gently. "I've pretty much realized you're becoming an adult sooner than I wanted and since I can't do anything to stop it, I don't mind Connor being the guy you spend your time with. If you end up coming here to LA, then at least I know you'll be safe."

"We'll keep each other safe." She said firmly. Then, watching as Angel entered the lobby, she looked and Buffy and smiled. "I think it's time for me to make myself scarce and for you two to have some time alone. It's been a very long day."

"I love you Dawn," Buffy told her sincerely. Dawn nodded and went to find Connor.


	81. The talk

"You awake?" Her voice was soft, almost inaudible against the hardness of his chest. She was certain it was mid afternoon by now, as the two of them had been lying in bed together for at least an hour. It was like being in heaven and she didn't ever want to leave. He had been very quiet for a long time now and she was beginning to worry about what he might be thinking. Their future was still uncertain, as she still lived in Sunnydale and he in L.A. She didn't know how they would make it work yet, as both had their separate lives now and the thought frightened her.

"I'm awake." His breath was warm in her hair and she smiled, almost in wonder that such a simple thing could mean so much.

"We should probably get out of bed sometime today." She suggested, although that was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Blasphemy," he murmured. She giggled softly and lifted her head to meet his eyes.

"I'm worried."

"I sense that," he smiled gently and smoothed back the hair from her forehead. "Anything I can do?"

"What's going to happen with us?" She asked him. "I don't want to sound like some psycho commitment queen, but I have to go back to Sunnydale at some point and you have your own work to do here. Even with how close we live to each other it'll be really tough."

"Buffy..."

"And not to mention that we're always in danger, I mean what if something happens to me...or you, and we're not there to protect each other? It would be just my luck to finally get you human and then have some horrible demon rip you apart when I could have saved you...."

"I appreciate the image of me as the damsel in distress Buffy, but it's not going to be that way."

"What do you mean?" She looked at him suspiciously. "If you're even considering mind wiping me Angel, let me tell you...."

"I would never do that to you!" He interrupted vehemently. She glared at him and he sighed. "Your life was in danger that was different and you know it. We'll make this work, Buffy."

"How?" She whispered, hating the vulnerability in her tone. "I don't want to ask you to give up your life here and you know I can't give up mine."

He sighed softly. "I've been thinking about this very seriously. You're right. I have a life in L.A. I have a job, and responsibilities and people who care about me. I have my son, who I am just getting to know, who is finally giving me a chance to be a father to him. I can't just pick up and leave tomorrow."

"I know." She blinked back a tear and looked away from him, not wanting him to see the naked heartbreak in her eyes. "It was silly of me to think that this would work out just because you're human."

"You're not hearing me." He reached down and tipped her chin so that she was looking at him once again. His brown eyes were filled with warmth. "I said I can't pick up and leave tomorrow. I never said I couldn't leave. All of those things that I have Buffy are wonderful...but they aren't you. We've gone through far too much to let something like a tale of two cities keep us apart."

"So...what...?"

"I need to get to know Connor. I need to find out what kind of man my son has become. I want to be there for him, earn his trust, teach him..." he leaned down and kissed her lips with the utmost tenderness. "And then I'm going to give Angel Investigations to him."

"You're what?" She felt like the air had been knocked out of her.

"He's my son Buffy. He grew up in one of the most dangerous hell dimensions there is. You trusted him to protect your sister and I am certain that with enough training I could trust him to protect this city. Then I could come to Sunnydale and we can start over again."

"What about your friends? Fred, Gunn, ?" She paused, unsure of how to broach her feelings. "There was something between you two wasn't there?"

"There might have been." He admitted honestly. "She's very different now. She's grown up so much. She's noble and brave and she cares about helping people. We were thinking about it, but nothing happened and I'm glad now that it didn't. The qualities that I started to see in her, I realized only attracted me because I originally found them in you. She'll always be my good friend, but she'll never be you."

"I love you Angel," she said honestly. "But I don't want you giving up your independence for me. I don't want you leaving your town, your friends, your son."

"Connor and I aren't meant to spend every day together, that I'm sure. He's not a child anymore. He's a man. I missed that part of him, and although I'm going to get a chance to get to know him, he needs his own life. I can give him that here. L.A. isn't that far away Buffy. I can see him, and I can see my friends as often as I want. I'm not making any sacrifices here. I want you. I love you." He ran his hand along her arm and kissed her once more. "Sunnydale was our town once. It can be again. As long as you still want me."

"I went into a hell dimension after you, what do you think?" She smiled gently. "Just as long as this is really what you want."

"I have never wanted anything more."

"How long until..."

"I don't know." He said honestly. "I need some serious time with Connor."

"Dawn wants to come here when she's done high school." Buffy told him. "I think she's in love with him."

"And you're OK with that?" He raised an eyebrow.

"She's growing up. I can't help that." She reached up and caressed his cheek. "Besides he's your son. Who better for her? At least she'll finish college. Maybe...maybe when she comes to L.A., you can come back to Sunnydale."

"You're talking about two years."

"Is that not enough?"

Angel grinned.

"I was thinking it was too much." He thought for a moment. "Two years....that should be more than enough time to teach Connor. Can you wait that long for me?"

"I would wait forever for you." She kissed his chest tenderly. "I think I have been waiting ever since you left. I tried to move on, but....I never could."

"I'm glad." He admitted. "I wanted you to have a normal life, but some part of me hated the idea of you with anyone but me."

"Besides we'll still get to see each other during that time. We're not that far away." She grinned wickedly. "I kind of like the thought of calling you up for a booty call weekend."

"Mmmm, that sounds wonderful." His eyes sparkled mischievously as they kissed deeply once more. "Call me often OK? After having you like this, the thought of not making love to you again...God I love making love to you."

"You're not so bad yourself you know," she trailed a fingernail along his chest and felt him react almost immediately.

"That way doesn't go anywhere good. They'll be wondering what happened to us." She pouted slightly and Angel felt a new insecurity seize him. "It was...OK, right? I mean when we...you liked it?"

"Me? You're the one with over two hundred years of experience. I should be asking you if I was a disappointment."

"Never." He said, his voice soft, but intense. "I only asked because the lost day aside the only other time we've...well, I turned into Angelus afterwards and I was worried about how you would feel now."

"You were my first Angel." She sat up and took his hand, placing where his heart was. "And although there have been others, I was never as happy than when I was with you. You were my first and you'll be my last, I swear it."

"That's what I like to hear."

"What about me?" She grinned coyly. "Did I rock your world?"

"You were amazing." He replied seriously. "But sex isn't the best part when I'm with you."

"It isn't?"

"No, this is." He gestured around the bedroom. "Being here, lying with you...knowing that we're only for each other. It doesn't get any better than that."

"We should get up you know." She kissed him regretfully. "Dawn and I need to call the others and let them know we're OK."

"You'll spend some more time here, right?"

"Are you kidding? We deserve a vacation after that. I'm sure Dawn would love the chance to spend some time with Connor uninterrupted."

"Good," he sat up and began to pull on his clothes. "Because I am not nearly ready to let go of you yet."


	82. A time to rebuild

A week or so later, Buffy and Dawn were ready to leave. School would be starting soon for Dawn and much as she wanted to stay, Buffy had left the demon population in Sunnydale too long than was comfortable for her. They would be becoming overconfident, thinking the slayer had finally left the hellmouth for good. The gang could only fight them off so much longer before it became too much

Angel understood this when she told him, but he didn't like it. Truthfully neither did she. It already felt like they had wasted so much time without one another. It didn't seem fair that they should have to spend even more time apart, before finally being able to be together. Buffy was also worried for Angel's safety.

Although he was aware that he was human and therefore not as strong as he once was, she also knew that he couldn't resist helping people who were in trouble. She was afraid that without her there, he would throw himself into something he couldn't handle and she would lose him. After everything they had gone through to have him killed was just not something she was ready to contemplate. She wanted to say something to him about it, but feared his reaction. She didn't want him to think she was patronizing him, or doubting his abilities. Her insecurities left over from her relationship with Riley were still present. Up until now, she hadn't realized he had done so much damage to her psyche.

"Hey Buffy, you gonna pack or just sit there like a zombie?" Dawn's voice punctuated her thoughts, bringing her back to reality.

"Sorry Dawnie, I was just thinking." She amended with a rueful smile

"Thinking, or stalling?" Dawn teased. "Face it Buffy you want to leave here even less than I do."

"It's just..." she paused and sighed heavily. "I just got him back, you know? I hate the thought of leaving him to face all this darkness alone."

"You're worried." Dawn stated. Buffy turned to her in surprise.

"When did you learn to read me so well?"

"Well I did live with you for sixteen years." Dawn replied sarcastically. Then, thinking for a moment said, "well actually only three, but I remember sixteen."

"OK, yea I'm worried." Buffy admitted. "What if he forgets he's only a man Dawn? What if I lose him because he does something heroic and stupidly macho?"

"You mean like Riley?" Dawn said slyly. Buffy glared at her. "Angel's not like that."

"When did you become an expert on my boyfriend?" Buffy demanded. Dawn shrugged. "He cares about you too much to throw away your shot. Anybody can see that."

"Thanks Dawnie," Buffy said with a smile. She still wasn't sure that Angel wouldn't do something stupid, but the fact that her sister seemed to believe it unlikely gave her hope.

"Are we going to get out of here now?" Dawn asked her with a grin.

"I didn't think you'd be so eager to leave Connor," Buffy said with an odd look at her sister. Dawn shrugged.

"I'm not, but I miss the others." She replied honestly. "Besides, there's a lot here that everyone needs to figure out, and right now we're more hindering than helping."

"You mean Wesley?" Buffy guessed. Dawn nodded.

"What happened wasn't his fault Buffy," Dawn said softly. "How can they be so horrible to him?"

"It's really complicated Dawn," Buffy said, feeling somehow that her answer was inadequate. In truth, she felt the same way. "Especially for Angel. Connor is his son."

"I know that, but you would think that after all this time they could give him another chance." Dawn insisted. Buffy sighed.

"Maybe they can," she said hopefully. "Or maybe it's too late. Maybe he doesn't even want one. Once we're gone they can sort that out I suppose."

"Well then let's not slow up progress." Dawn said cheerfully as she grabbed her bag. "I want everyone in a nice happy emotional state when I come back here in two years for college."

"You know you'll have to work extra hard to go to college here." Buffy pointed out seriously. Dawn stuck her tongue out at her and smiled.

"I'm willing to put in the effort." Buffy found herself knowing she was right. Connor was worth that much to her and more.

Buffy headed down the stairs and was surprised to see everyone standing at the door, waiting for her. Everyone that was, but Angel. Looking to Dawn, she could see she had already made her way over to where Connor was and was standing beside him. Buffy had a feeling the others wanted to say goodbye first, before she and Angel had their own goodbye. That was fine.

She approached Lorne first and smiled at the green skinned demon.

"I'll miss you Buffster," Lorne told her kindly. "You certainly changed this place around."

"Wasn't my intention, but I'm glad I could help," she replied honestly hugging him. He smiled again.

"One of these days I want to hear that little chickadee sing," he said gesturing to Dawn. "I just know she has a destiny that will be great."

"You'll have to let her decide that." Buffy replied. She looked over and saw Gunn watching her. He shook his head regretfully as she stepped over to him.

"Gonna miss you slayer," he told her. "You were a big help in bringing the smack down on the demons in this town."

"You too," she replied, shaking his hand. Gunn had a special place in her heart, for she knew that their warrior selves had formed a bond that wouldn't be broken. She would see him again. The thought of him in the same city as her sister was a comforting one. She smiled. "Take care of Dawnie when she comes back."

"You know it." Gunn said with a nod.

It was then she came to Fred. The girl's eyes were brimming slightly and Buffy felt a rush of affection for her.

"We're sure gonna miss y'all," she said shyly. "Especially Angel. Don't think all the ice cream in the world will cheer him up till you come back."

"Then I promise not to be gone too long." She told Fred as she hugged her warmly.

Cordelia was staring at her with a strange expression on her face when Buffy finally got to her.

"I had you judged all wrong when you first got here Buffy," Cordelia said softly. "I want to apologize."

"No need," Buffy replied with a dismissive wave. "I wasn't exactly the welcome wagon either. Look, I know you and Angel started to have something..."

"Started," Cordelia said sadly, "and stopped. And it's not entirely your fault. It wouldn't have worked no matter what. Angel only loved the qualities in me that were like the qualities in you. I'm Pepsi, you're Coke. Can't beat the real thing, right? Look, I'm not bitter. The friendship Angel and I share is different than what you and he have. In some ways it's just as strong. I'm happy to have him in my life that way."

"I gotta admit you had me jealous there for a while." Buffy admitted. Cordelia looked at her in surprise.

"Why?"

"Because you're right. The friendship you have is different. Very different. And Angel and I will never have that. What we have goes too deep. Sadly Spike said it best when he told me we'd never be friends. I thought it meant that you were closer...that I didn't know him anymore, but I realize I was wrong now. We both know him. We both love him. There's room in his heart for both of us." Buffy smiled warmly at Cordelia and for the first time felt a real connection with her. "I'm glad he picked you Cordy. Take care of him, OK?"

"I promise." Cordelia whispered.

Buffy turned to Connor who stood with Dawn, arms around each other.

"I know you guys want to say goodbye privately. I won't keep you. I just want to give my thanks to Connor." She leaned over and hugged Angel's son tightly for the first time really seeing his father in his eyes. "I'm proud of you. But, to add the standard big sister disclaimer, you ever hurt Dawn and I will make you wish you were still in Quartoth, fair enough?"

"Deal." Connor said with a smile. Then, turning to Dawn he took her hand and led her into Angel's office. Buffy looked around, expecting someone to tell her where Angel was. Instead, she was surprised to see Wesley standing in the doorway. He looked somewhat sheepish. Fred looked happy to see him, but the others looked guarded. Buffy decided to see if she could remedy the situation in any way.

"Wesley," she greeted him. "I'm glad you came."

"Angel told me you were leaving." He explained. "I felt it only right to say goodbye."

"Dawn and I appreciate that," she said, approaching him until they were out of earshot of the others. "Are you sure that's the only reason you came?"

"Regardless of what Angel may have told you I am done with this place and these people." Wesley told her, his eyes clouding over with pain. "What happened is something that I can't forget, and they can't forgive."

"I think you're wrong." She told him bluntly. "Look at them Wes. Yes Gunn and Cordelia are cautious, but that's because Angel is their leader and Connor his son. They're afraid of causing more pain between everyone. They want you back, even Angel has said so but you have to want it to. Otherwise they won't make a move."

"I shouldn't have to be the one to make a move." Wesley replied firmly.

"Fred misses you." Buffy told him gently. His eyes lightened at the mention of her name. "She wants you to come back Wes. There's something there, everyone can see it. You can't spend your life in fear of people or their opinions. You need to go after what you want or you'll never be happy."

"You really think there's something to be salvaged?" Wesley asked doubtfully. Buffy turned.

"Look at Fred's eyes," she instructed. Wesley did so and Buffy could see the instant chemistry between them. "You tell me."

"I want to be a part of it again." Wesley admitted. "But I don't know how."

"Talk to Angel." Buffy encouraged. "Rebuild what you lost. That's what this is. A time for rebuilding. He'll understand."

"I'll do my best," Wesley promised hoarsely. "Angel wanted me to tell you he's outside. He wants to say goodbye privately."

"Thanks Wes," she said hugging him gently. "Talk to Fred."


	83. Peaceful endings

She found Angel shadowed in the darkness outside of the hotel. She grinned as she saw him standing there, trench coat on, hands in his pockets looking every bit the creature of the night, despite his now beating heart.

"Old habits die hard," he explained at her raised eyebrow. "Still getting used to being allowed in the sunlight. Don't know if I'll ever fit into this world."

"I'll help you." She promised him, taking his hands. "We'll do it together."

"I'm scared," he admitted. "It was easier when Connor hated me. It was easier knowing that I would always love you, but could never have you."

"Easier, but not better." She agreed. "It's gonna be hard Angel, but we'll make it work."

"We will." He vowed. Leaning in, he kissed her tenderly. "I can do anything as long as you're with me."

"Flattery will get you everywhere." She teased. Looking back, she saw Dawn waiting at the door. She knew she didn't have long. "Angel do me a favour and reconcile with Wesley. Get passed his pride. He needs you guys, and you need him. You're family."

"I know." Angel said with a sigh. "I will do my best."

"Looks like the Dawnster's ready to leave," she said heavily. She allowed herself one more moment to look into Angel's no longer haunted gaze. "I'm really gonna miss you."

"You'll be back," he said lightly, but she could see the emotional effort in his eyes as well. "We're gonna get our happily ever after someday."

"Do me a favour Angel?" She looked up at him worriedly. "Don't do anything too heroic OK? I don't want anything to happen to you. You're only human now and..."

"Don't worry Buffy I'm not going to throw myself into situations I can't handle." She looked down, feeling ashamed for bringing it up. His finger lightly caressed her cheek, bringing her gaze back to his. "I'm not him. You do the same though OK? You may be the slayer, but you're not invulnerable."

"I know," she whispered. "I've got help. You know that."

"I do." Leaning in, he kissed her once more. "I love you."

"I love you too." Sighing, she stepped back and motioned for Dawn to come out.

"Done with the smoochies?" Dawn said brightly. Buffy smiled, her gaze still locked on Angel's and nodded. Dawn gave an exasperated sigh. "Can we go now?"

"Yea," Buffy replied with a new light in her heart. "Let's go."

-THE END


	84. Author's Note

Author's Note: Between the two chapters "Dinner with the Family" and "The Talk" used to be two chapters that contained NC17 content. In order to avoid this story being removed entirely for that reason, I have removed them. If however, you wish to read these chapters, please email me at and I will be more than happy to send them to you. They don't contain any crucial information in terms of the plot. They are just pure and fluffy smut after all the angst that was endured throughout the story, so you aren't missing anything of grave importance by not reading them. However, smut can be fun so let me know if you wish to read it (and are of age to do so).


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